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[Miles Quaritch]

Ok. Hoping this isn't too crazy.

Basically, I've been dating this girl for close to 6 months. I have no real complaints about the relationship, and we get along stellar. I'm not the most experienced dude, but I've been around the block; this is her first relationship and she's still a virgin.

Well, about a month in, she was ready to have sex. I was ready, too, but we hit a pretty big snag. Her opening is very, very tight. She's never used tampons, just pads, so that's part of the deal I think. The times I've tried getting my stuff in her, even very slowly with lots of lubrication, it was too painful for her and we had to stop.

Spoiler

inb4stealthbragging

Anyway, I've taken a few different approaches to this, but since we both have packed schedules (and also because we want to the first time to be "right"), it's been difficult to perform my due diligence and try as often as I'd like. I do enough foreplay to get the downstairs lubricated enough; I do so every time. When I've tried putting a finger in, she says it feels absolutely awful and completely turns her off. The best it has been is when she had been drinking a bit and the pain was reduced somewhat.

The whole thing hasn't been a huge issue because we've been doing oral, but it's still a bit frustrating because I know that vaginal sex is more pleasurable for her. Getting her to open up sexually has been a bit of an uphill battle, but she went from being completely nonsexual to being decently open; still, I feel personally like she would be more into sex than she is if she was able to experience this. She tells me she doesn't have any reservations about sex, but I'm not entirely sure if she's keeping some that are making her tighten her muscles down there without her realizing. We've talked about it and she says that she wants it to happen.

For right now, our current plan was to choose a night, prepare for it, having her drink a bit, and just slowly trying to get her aroused enough to try this again. I'm not sure if anyone has experienced anything quite like this, but any advice would be appreciated.

It sounds like she might not be aroused enough. Try some oral play, tease her and just play with her. Get her into the mood, kiss her neck, lick and stroke her stomach, etc.

It's not a problem with tampon usage. I mean, let's not forget that tampons are a relatively new thing in the grand scheme of things.

She just isn't getting aroused and that's leading to her to clench down. Fear from having sex for the first time is also factoring in, which is where oral and just teasing/playing with her comes into play. Don't force it and getting drunk isn't a great idea either.

 

[Salamando]

How do I sort my life and get a GF?

I'm 20 and never had a gf, I'm socially awkward and am pretty much only interested in Asian girls. And I live in Finland where there really doesn't live a lot of Asian girls. So I have tried online dating, and I have chatted with a couple of girls from China. But don't really know how to proceed from there.

Don't start a long distance relationship. They never work out.

Give other girls a chance. If you sincerely don't find yourself liking them due to their Finnishness, go somewhere else.

 

[LaunchpadMcQ]

That all seems like something she should talk to her doctor/obgyn about. Even just one finger hurts? That's not right, and using alcohol to numb her a bit is just a stopgap measure.

Have you tried applying lube? Maybe she isn't capable of producing enough lubrication on her own.

I was thinking maybe during the summer (once we're on break), if we can't get this going by then, she should go to the obgyn.

We've tried lube, but I'm not sure if it was enough; I was a little wary of the mess it made, and I've never needed so much before. She produces a good amount of lubrication on her own, but I'm aware that's not enough on its own.

It sounds like she might not be aroused enough. Try some oral play, tease her and just play with her. Get her into the mood, kiss her neck, lick and stroke her stomach, etc.

It's not a problem with tampon usage. I mean, let's not forget that tampons are a relatively new thing in the grand scheme of things.

She just isn't getting aroused and that's leading to her to clench down. Fear from having sex for the first time is also factoring in, which is where oral and just teasing/playing with her comes into play. Don't force it and getting drunk isn't a great idea either.

As for getting her aroused, that's usually exactly what I do. I take my time, because I know it's important for expanding those muscles. The times I've actually tried penetration, I had given her one or several clitoral orgasms.

 

[Salamando]

I was thinking maybe during the summer (once we're on break), if we can't get this going by then, she should go to the obgyn.

We've tried lube, but I'm not sure if it was enough; I was a little wary of the mess it made, and I've never needed so much before. She produces a good amount of lubrication on her own, but I'm aware that's not enough on its own.



As for getting her aroused, that's usually exactly what I do. I take my time, because I know it's important for expanding those muscles. The times I've actually tried penetration, I had given her one or several clitoral orgasms.

To build off something Miles mentioned...the Alcohol, is it numbing her, or is it making her more relaxed, so she doesn't clench her muscles as tightly? Can your digits discern a difference in pressure?

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

How do I sort my life and get a GF?

I'm 20 and never had a gf, I'm socially awkward and am pretty much only interested in Asian girls. And I live in Finland where there really doesn't live a lot of Asian girls. So I have tried online dating, and I have chatted with a couple of girls from China. But don't really know how to proceed from there.

Don't do long distance. Also, what's wrong with Finnish girls? Scandinavian chicks are mostly gorgeous.

 

[Whide]

Don't do long distance. Also, what's wrong with Finnish girls? Scandinavian chicks are mostly gorgeous.

I dunno. I'm just not attracted to them.

 

[LaunchpadMcQ]

To build off something Miles mentioned...the Alcohol, is it numbing her, or is it making her more relaxed, so she doesn't clench her muscles as tightly? Can your digits discern a difference in pressure?

It's relaxing her more, I believe, so she doesn't constrict as much. I don't recall feeling a difference between when she had drunk and when she hadn't, but one time I was trying it, I removed my finger, then tried again and immediately noticed it was clenched a lot harder and she was in a lot of pain.

It leads me to believe the source of the pain is indeed this tightening that she's doing without realizing.

 

[Salamando]

It's relaxing her more, I believe, so she doesn't constrict as much. I don't recall feeling a difference between when she had drunk and when she hadn't, but one time I was trying it, I removed my finger, then tried again and immediately noticed it was clenched a lot harder and she was in a lot of pain.

It leads me to believe the source of the pain is indeed this tightening that she's doing without realizing.

You might suggest to your girl that she try playing around with herself sometimes. Try to get more comfortable with all the feelings and sensations going on. Start with a finger, maybe a toy after awhile...if nothing else, you'll get an idea of where the problem really is. If she can't use a finger on herself, then it goes beyond nerves. And if she can, then she can teach you how she does it, letting you mask yourself in that familiar comfort.

 

[LaunchpadMcQ]

You might suggest to your girl that she try playing around with herself sometimes. Try to get more comfortable with all the feelings and sensations going on. Start with a finger, maybe a toy after awhile...if nothing else, you'll get an idea of where the problem really is. If she can't use a finger on herself, then it goes beyond nerves. And if she can, then she can teach you how she does it, letting you mask yourself in that familiar comfort.

That's actually a very solid idea. I'm going to talk to her about it. Thanks!

 

[greyshark]

Ok. Hoping this isn't too crazy.

Basically, I've been dating this girl for close to 6 months. I have no real complaints about the relationship, and we get along stellar. I'm not the most experienced dude, but I've been around the block; this is her first relationship and she's still a virgin.

Well, about a month in, she was ready to have sex. I was ready, too, but we hit a pretty big snag. Her opening is very, very tight. She's never used tampons, just pads, so that's part of the deal I think. The times I've tried getting my stuff in her, even very slowly with lots of lubrication, it was too painful for her and we had to stop.

Spoiler

inb4stealthbragging

Anyway, I've taken a few different approaches to this, but since we both have packed schedules (and also because we want to the first time to be "right"), it's been difficult to perform my due diligence and try as often as I'd like. I do enough foreplay to get the downstairs lubricated enough; I do so every time. When I've tried putting a finger in, she says it feels absolutely awful and completely turns her off. The best it has been is when she had been drinking a bit and the pain was reduced somewhat.

The whole thing hasn't been a huge issue because we've been doing oral, but it's still a bit frustrating because I know that vaginal sex is more pleasurable for her. Getting her to open up sexually has been a bit of an uphill battle, but she went from being completely nonsexual to being decently open; still, I feel personally like she would be more into sex than she is if she was able to experience this. She tells me she doesn't have any reservations about sex, but I'm not entirely sure if she's keeping some that are making her tighten her muscles down there without her realizing. We've talked about it and she says that she wants it to happen.

For right now, our current plan was to choose a night, prepare for it, having her drink a bit, and just slowly trying to get her aroused enough to try this again. I'm not sure if anyone has experienced anything quite like this, but any advice would be appreciated.

She should talk to her gyno about this - this isn't anything you or her are doing wrong, there's just something different about her physically. I have a friend that's had this same problem, her doctor had some good advice for her that helped.

 

[radioactivez0r]

I'm not saying I know exactly how women think, but I grew up with four sisters so have seen, heard and talked to them about their side of dating. That is where I formed the basis of my dating "theories" - as well as a lot of trial and error!

Before you said this I was honestly thinking you were parroting some book or blog or something, what with this nonsense about "mildly interested" and putting pressure on a person not to say no (that's horrible, by the way). Why would you want to chase after someone who has to be convinced?

It's relaxing her more, I believe, so she doesn't constrict as much. I don't recall feeling a difference between when she had drunk and when she hadn't, but one time I was trying it, I removed my finger, then tried again and immediately noticed it was clenched a lot harder and she was in a lot of pain.

It leads me to believe the source of the pain is indeed this tightening that she's doing without realizing.

It might just take some time, and I'm sure there is some unconscious reflex going on owing to the fact it's her first time.

 

[Septimius]

She should talk to her gyno about this - this isn't anything you or her are doing wrong, there's just something different about her physically. I have a friend that's had this same problem, her doctor had some good advice for her that helped.

Absolutely this. Don't force things that don't feel right. Medical professionals are the way to go about this.

 

[ZackieChan]

You might suggest to your girl that she try playing around with herself sometimes. Try to get more comfortable with all the feelings and sensations going on. Start with a finger, maybe a toy after awhile...if nothing else, you'll get an idea of where the problem really is. If she can't use a finger on herself, then it goes beyond nerves. And if she can, then she can teach you how she does it, letting you mask yourself in that familiar comfort.

She should talk to her gyno about this - this isn't anything you or her are doing wrong, there's just something different about her physically. I have a friend that's had this same problem, her doctor had some good advice for her that helped.

Both of these sound good. Also try some kind of toy, maybe.

How do I sort my life and get a GF?

I'm 20 and never had a gf, I'm socially awkward and am pretty much only interested in Asian girls. And I live in Finland where there really doesn't live a lot of Asian girls. So I have tried online dating, and I have chatted with a couple of girls from China. But don't really know how to proceed from there.

1) get over that and learn to love the local girls, or
2) move to Asia. It's surprisingly easy to do. Ask NeoGaf's own Vern.

 

[LaunchpadMcQ]

Also, since Salamando brought it up, of note: I can slide my fingers in really easily (gently of course) when she's aroused, to the point where I think a penis would do, as well. She still says it feels terrible.

She should talk to her gyno about this - this isn't anything you or her are doing wrong, there's just something different about her physically. I have a friend that's had this same problem, her doctor had some good advice for her that helped.

I'm not going to force it in her, but I'm going to keep trying different ways to ease her. If that doesn't work, I'll have her go to the doctor. I've read that this could be an issue, but I'm not sure if we're there yet.

My girl has a noticeable change in how easy it is for me to enter her when she's relaxed - usually I chalk it up to it being a new day (morning sex has always been better) and no stress is on her. Also, yes, when she's buzzed it's easier too.

It might just take some time, and I'm sure there is some unconscious reflex going on owing to the fact it's her first time.

My girl is rarely aroused in the morning. She also has a very difficult time even getting aroused when she is stressed. Even when I just want to go down on her, she finds it hard to focus on that. This hasn't specifically been an issue when we've tried intercourse, but it's a sign of how drastically mood affects her responsiveness to sexual stimulation.

Me, I absolutely love doing it when I'm stressed. lol

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

So online dating isn't working for me. I'm pondering posting my profile here because there's either something very wrong with how I've presented it or I'm just boring as fuck. I think it's the latter here.

 

[ZackieChan]

So online dating isn't working for me. I'm pondering posting my profile here because there's either something very wrong with how I've presented it or I'm just boring as fuck. I think it's the latter here.

Did you upgrade your photos from that sad gym pic?

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Did you upgrade your photos from that sad gym pic?

I tried, I changed it some time ago to a picture of me just chilling out around my city. I get cute girls looking at my profile, but no replies, so I have no idea what I need to focus more on.

 

[chicko1983]

Before you said this I was honestly thinking you were parroting some book or blog or something, what with this nonsense about "mildly interested" and putting pressure on a person not to say no (that's horrible, by the way). Why would you want to chase after someone who has to be convinced?

All of my sisters have been on dates with dudes who they weren't that into when they were first asked out. One of them just got married to a guy who she only initially went out with because she wanted a free meal, not that she head over heels for initially.

Why would you want to chase after someone who has to be convinced? You are severely limiting your chances of finding someone you get along with in a romantic way, if you are only waiting for someone who initially likes you as much, or more, than you like them.

Im not saying you're forcing yourself into a date, or you give them no chance to say no, but people need to be pressured to get out of their comfort zone sometimes. How many times have you been sitting around and one of your friends asks you to go and do something but you don't really want to, then they put some pressure on you and you go and do it and have fun?

If you are asking a girl out on a date and she hasn't been on one for a while, there may be trepidation if she isn't head over heels into you. It may take some pressure (which is harmless to the extent I am talking about) to convince her. That's the human way, women are not a different species to men.

My date went well. Lots of talking over drinks. She asked me a million questions about my lifestyle - I got tired of talking about myself! Just some kisses on the cheek and a hug goodbye. I call this a success. Meeting up again soon.

Good stuff mate, well done.

So online dating isn't working for me. I'm pondering posting my profile here because there's either something very wrong with how I've presented it or I'm just boring as fuck. I think it's the latter here.

Online dating doesn't work for me either. However, there are plenty of other ways of meeting women.

 

[bluethree]

I always find that when I don't want to do something and force myself to do it anyway, I end up having a lot of fun. Also - online dating has its headaches, but living in Japan it is the best way to meet more internationally-minded/English-speaking girls.

I had a very successful date with someone on Thursday I met through Tinder though, so it isn't all bad.

 

[ZackieChan]

I'll be in 6 different countries this year (US, Germany, Portugal, Spain, Japan, Thailand), so I'm interested to see how Tinder works in each one!

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

I think I need to pose with one of my neighbour's cats. They are awesomely fluffy and would show off a compassionate side.

 

[ZackieChan]

I think I need to pose with one of my neighbour's cats. They are awesomely fluffy and would show off a compassionate side.

I would recommend photos of you:

1) bandaging an injured cat's paw
2) giving money to a homeless person
3) giving a thumbs up while doing a HALO drop into enemy territory

Instant dates

 

[bluethree]

I super like any girl with cat pictures, no lie.

 

[ZackieChan]

I super like any girl with cat pictures, no lie.

Cats are super lame. Except my cat El Guapo

Spoiler

RIP

 

[vern]

1) get over that and learn to love the local girls, or
2) move to Asia. It's surprisingly easy to do. Ask NeoGaf's own Vern.

It's not that easy for a 20 year old maybe. He should have some sort of degree or lots of money. Also Asian girls aren't the be all end all dude, branch out! Taste the rainbow, so to speak.

 

[ZackieChan]

It's not that easy for a 20 year old maybe. He should have some sort of degree or lots of money. Also Asian girls aren't the be all end all dude, branch out! Taste the rainbow, so to speak.

Yes to both. You're missing out!

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

How long do you guys usually talk on dating sites before you try and arrange a meet up? My friend matched with the same girl on Tinder that I did, and managed to arrange a date with her while I didn't (yeah I shouldnt be sour, but I still am a little...) He criticised me and said it's because I just kept talking to her without asking her to do anything.

Now I'm in a similar situation with another really nice girl, but I don't really feel like we've talked that much. We've only been talking two days. She just says she's not doing much the next 2 weeks.

 

[Jokab]

I used to do between a day and a week. Anywhere in that timeframe is fine in my opinion. You should just ask her out right now, go do it.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

How long do you guys usually talk on dating sites before you try and arrange a meet up? My friend matched with the same girl on Tinder that I did, and managed to arrange a date with her while I didn't (yeah I shouldnt be sour, but I still am a little...) He criticised me and said it's because I just kept talking to her without asking her to do anything.

Now I'm in a similar situation with another really nice girl, but I don't really feel like we've talked that much. We've only been talking two days. She just says she's not doing much the next 2 weeks.

It shouldn't take more than five messages to get to the point where you're asking/making plans to meet and exchanging off-site contact details.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Hm maybe. I'm still salty that my friend managed to score a date with the other one. Maybe that's the thing, to just ask her.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Hm maybe. I'm still salty that my friend managed to score a date with the other one. Maybe that's the thing, to just ask her.

The worst that can happen is she says no and you move on. Your friend did what you failed to do, he took initiative. Don't be salty, learn from it. I'm sorry if that's blunt, but it's something you need to work on if you want to go dates and move beyond just exchanging messages.

The goal here is to actually meet people, not to just message them for days/weeks on end.

 

[Banjo-Kazooie]

Meeting a lady tonight for drinks who works as a cancer researcher. Can she resist the international man of mystery that is me? I'll report back later.

Also, this is a woman that I actually met IRL and started talking to. Not my usual MO, but it worked well.

This is my current situation too. Been going on dates with a girl for a few weeks now that I met IRL. Crazy how you can still meet someone IRL with all this focus on online dating...heh

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

The worst that can happen is she says no and you move on. Your friend did what you failed to do, he took initiative. Don't be salty, learn from it. I'm sorry if that's blunt, but it's something you need to work on if you want to go dates and move beyond just exchanging messages.

The goal here is to actually meet people, not to just message them for days/weeks on end.

Eh, no lies detected in what you say. My friend has way more luck, so that's probably the solution. Going to ask her out, what's the worst that could happen? She says no.

 

[ZackieChan]

Eh, no lies detected in what you say. My friend has way more luck, so that's probably the solution. Going to ask her out, what's the worst that could happen? She says no.

"Luck" has little to do with it. Your friend took action and made something happen. Keep blaming it on luck, and you'll never learn or progress.

If you ask them out and they say no, then you just saved yourself a ton of wasted time texting with someone who doesn't want to meet you.

If I wasn't babysitting my niece and nephew this weekend I'd have set up two Tinder dates and probably another with the girl I went out with the other day. Meet them IRL asap.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

"Luck" has little to do with it. Your friend took action and made something happen. Keep blaming it on luck, and you'll never learn or progress.

If you ask them out and they say no, then you just saved yourself a ton of wasted time texting with someone who doesn't want to meet you.

If I wasn't babysitting my niece and nephew this weekend I'd have set up two Tinder dates and probably another with the girl I went out with the other day. Meet them IRL asap.

Yup, yup, yup.

Luck isn't a real thing. Stop uses these crutches that only hold you back. Your friend didn't criticise you because he's a dick, he did so because he wants you be better, to be someone who is confident in who is he and is willing to take action next time.

Come on, peanut. We all believe in you. Let's see some action with this current lady you're talking to.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Asked her if she wanted a drink, said "Yeah we could do ". Relative success right? .... what now?

 

[GK86]

Asked her if she wanted a drink, said "Yeah we could do ". Relative success right? .... what now?

1) Pick out a bar
2) Pick a day and time
3) Tell her the details.
4) Go out with her.
5) ???
6) Profit

 

[isny]

Also, since Salamando brought it up, of note: I can slide my fingers in really easily (gently of course) when she's aroused, to the point where I think a penis would do, as well. She still says it feels terrible.



I'm not going to force it in her, but I'm going to keep trying different ways to ease her. If that doesn't work, I'll have her go to the doctor. I've read that this could be an issue, but I'm not sure if we're there yet.



My girl is rarely aroused in the morning. She also has a very difficult time even getting aroused when she is stressed. Even when I just want to go down on her, she finds it hard to focus on that. This hasn't specifically been an issue when we've tried intercourse, but it's a sign of how drastically mood affects her responsiveness to sexual stimulation.

Me, I absolutely love doing it when I'm stressed. lol

It's not a matter of "being there yet." The doctor should always be the first course of action to avoid any permenant damage. Trying and failing is only going to stress her out more and make it worse.

 

[TickleMeElbow]

Ok. Hoping this isn't too crazy.

Basically, I've been dating this girl for close to 6 months. I have no real complaints about the relationship, and we get along stellar. I'm not the most experienced dude, but I've been around the block; this is her first relationship and she's still a virgin.

Well, about a month in, she was ready to have sex. I was ready, too, but we hit a pretty big snag. Her opening is very, very tight. She's never used tampons, just pads, so that's part of the deal I think. The times I've tried getting my stuff in her, even very slowly with lots of lubrication, it was too painful for her and we had to stop.

Spoiler

inb4stealthbragging

Anyway, I've taken a few different approaches to this, but since we both have packed schedules (and also because we want to the first time to be "right"), it's been difficult to perform my due diligence and try as often as I'd like. I do enough foreplay to get the downstairs lubricated enough; I do so every time. When I've tried putting a finger in, she says it feels absolutely awful and completely turns her off. The best it has been is when she had been drinking a bit and the pain was reduced somewhat.

The whole thing hasn't been a huge issue because we've been doing oral, but it's still a bit frustrating because I know that vaginal sex is more pleasurable for her. Getting her to open up sexually has been a bit of an uphill battle, but she went from being completely nonsexual to being decently open; still, I feel personally like she would be more into sex than she is if she was able to experience this. She tells me she doesn't have any reservations about sex, but I'm not entirely sure if she's keeping some that are making her tighten her muscles down there without her realizing. We've talked about it and she says that she wants it to happen.

For right now, our current plan was to choose a night, prepare for it, having her drink a bit, and just slowly trying to get her aroused enough to try this again. I'm not sure if anyone has experienced anything quite like this, but any advice would be appreciated.

She might have vaginismus.

From wiki:

Vaginismus, sometimes called vaginism, is a condition that affects a woman's ability to engage in vaginal penetration, including sexual intercourse, manual penetration, insertion of tampons or menstrual cups, and the penetration involved in gynecological examinations (pap tests). This is the result of an involuntary vaginal muscle spasm, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration painful or impossible.

 

[Weckum]

Okay, so I've been dating this girl for about four months and this week we had a small fight about stuff. The fight was about something else, but in the end she told me that she has some doubts about us. Not because she doesn't like me, but because she says she feels 'too comfortable' with me. She is afraid it might get boring and she kind of misses the chase, the putting in the effort of the first few weeks months.

However, there was one other thing that kind of bothered me, and that was that she said she kind of missed friction, . Her words were 'well, after a stormy day you appreciate a sunnny day even more'. This kind of frustrated me, because I am someone who hates to fight, hates getting angry (mostly because I think it's wasted energy).

She is somewhat non-confrontational so it's not like we fight a lot (actually, this was our first one).

I have to note she is living in a different country (just as I am) and she has gone through two tough weeks and has been feeling rather emotional and homesick.

To me, the mix of 'too comfortable' and 'not enough friction' sounds like she might be somewhat afraid of commitment. I asked her how 'too comfortable' is a bad thing, and she said she was afraid we might fall into a rut or something, which I find rather weird after only a couple of months.

I really like this girl a lot and she is one of the best things that has happened to me since I moved to this country. I don't want to be too clingy and scare her away, but I do want her to make sure that she knows I like her a lot (which I do and when I tell her she tells me the same thing).

So basically, what I'm getting at is: thoughts? Ideas of getting 'that chase-feeling' back?

 

[ZackieChan]

You live in different countries, have only been together for 4 months, and have diametrically opposed views on something extremely important in a relationship (conflict resolution)? The answer is clear.

 

[Afa]

The only thing I hear when she says she misses the chase is that she wants to see and get attention from other people.. Am I crazy or can that "chase" feel be interpreted differently?

 

[Weckum]

You live in different countries, have only been together for 4 months, and have diametrically opposed views on something extremely important in a relationship (conflict resolution)? The answer is clear.

No, we live in the same country, which isn't the home country for either of us, both expats.

And it's not about conflict resolution or seeking conflict (she is rather non-confrontational actually).

@afa: She made clear it was more the fact of us chasing each other.

 

[gaiages]

Ok. Hoping this isn't too crazy.

Basically, I've been dating this girl for close to 6 months. I have no real complaints about the relationship, and we get along stellar. I'm not the most experienced dude, but I've been around the block; this is her first relationship and she's still a virgin.

Well, about a month in, she was ready to have sex. I was ready, too, but we hit a pretty big snag. Her opening is very, very tight. She's never used tampons, just pads, so that's part of the deal I think. The times I've tried getting my stuff in her, even very slowly with lots of lubrication, it was too painful for her and we had to stop.

Spoiler

inb4stealthbragging

Anyway, I've taken a few different approaches to this, but since we both have packed schedules (and also because we want to the first time to be "right"), it's been difficult to perform my due diligence and try as often as I'd like. I do enough foreplay to get the downstairs lubricated enough; I do so every time. When I've tried putting a finger in, she says it feels absolutely awful and completely turns her off. The best it has been is when she had been drinking a bit and the pain was reduced somewhat.

The whole thing hasn't been a huge issue because we've been doing oral, but it's still a bit frustrating because I know that vaginal sex is more pleasurable for her. Getting her to open up sexually has been a bit of an uphill battle, but she went from being completely nonsexual to being decently open; still, I feel personally like she would be more into sex than she is if she was able to experience this. She tells me she doesn't have any reservations about sex, but I'm not entirely sure if she's keeping some that are making her tighten her muscles down there without her realizing. We've talked about it and she says that she wants it to happen.

For right now, our current plan was to choose a night, prepare for it, having her drink a bit, and just slowly trying to get her aroused enough to try this again. I'm not sure if anyone has experienced anything quite like this, but any advice would be appreciated.

A little late to this, but I had/have the same problem. My gyno recommended I try kegles to help me learn to relax down there, since a large portion of the problem was me tensing up subconsciously. Now I'm at the point where I'm alright most of the time--but there are still some days where it hurts and we can't finish. Just take it slow and she'll get used to it. And maybe recommend kegles

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Okay, so I've been dating this girl for about four months and this week we had a small fight about stuff. The fight was about something else, but in the end she told me that she has some doubts about us. Not because she doesn't like me, but because she says she feels 'too comfortable' with me. She is afraid it might get boring and she kind of misses the chase, the putting in the effort of the first few weeks months.

However, there was one other thing that kind of bothered me, and that was that she said she kind of missed friction, . Her words were 'well, after a stormy day you appreciate a sunnny day even more'. This kind of frustrated me, because I am someone who hates to fight, hates getting angry (mostly because I think it's wasted energy).

She is somewhat non-confrontational so it's not like we fight a lot (actually, this was our first one).

I have to note she is living in a different country (just as I am) and she has gone through two tough weeks and has been feeling rather emotional and homesick.

To me, the mix of 'too comfortable' and 'not enough friction' sounds like she might be somewhat afraid of commitment. I asked her how 'too comfortable' is a bad thing, and she said she was afraid we might fall into a rut or something, which I find rather weird after only a couple of months.

I really like this girl a lot and she is one of the best things that has happened to me since I moved to this country. I don't want to be too clingy and scare her away, but I do want her to make sure that she knows I like her a lot (which I do and when I tell her she tells me the same thing).

So basically, what I'm getting at is: thoughts? Ideas of getting 'that chase-feeling' back?

Reminds me of Scrubs where JD dates that girl addicted to drama. It predictably ends. That stormy day sunny day thing sounds like something a crazy person would say. I get it, in a way, but man are you due some headaches if she's picking fights over something that arbitrary 4 months in. Consider yo goals.

 

[Weckum]

Reminds me of Scrubs where JD dates that girl addicted to drama. It predictably ends. That stormy day sunny day thing sounds like something a crazy person would say. I get it, in a way, but man are you due some headaches if she's picking fights over something that arbitrary 4 months in. Consider yo goals.

Yeah, it sounded like an alarmbell to me as well. However, I haven't seen anything from her in these past four months that have led me to believe that she is indeed a fan of drama. That is why it seemed so out of place.

Again, the day she told me this she was having a very bad day because of homesickness and other friends-related problems.

And to be honest, I'm a very easy-going guy, someone who's okay with basically anything and I avoid confrontation as well. Since she said that I have been trying to be more direct, so we'll see how it turns out.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

If I do pose with my neighbors' cats for an online dating profile pic I think should say 'I love pussy' on my profile.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

If I do pose with my neighbors' cats for an online dating profile pic I think should say 'I love pussy' on my profile.

Tinder. Maybe.

Not Tinder. No.

 

[chicko1983]

Asked her if she wanted a drink, said "Yeah we could do ". Relative success right? .... what now?

Bam! Well done.

Spoiler

but does she know this is a date or did you not use the word date? Jk

I was very close to getting a girls number in a supermarket yesterday. I bought her her half a watermelon so she didn't have to line up (it was a 30 person deep line up). Met her outside to give her the watermelon and start walking to my car. She is walking with me and turns out we are parked close to each other. I get talking with her, she is hungover and had an urge for some watermelon. I finish the conversation with "have a good Easter" rather than can I have your number. Just wasn't feeling it with her.

 

[ZackieChan]

Bam! Well done.

Spoiler

but does she know this is a date or did you not use the word date? Jk

I was very close to getting a girls number in a supermarket yesterday. I bought her her half a watermelon so she didn't have to line up (it was a 30 person deep line up). Met her outside to give her the watermelon and start walking to my car. She is walking with me and turns out we are parked close to each other. I get talking with her, she is hungover and had an urge for some watermelon. I finish the conversation with "have a good Easter" rather than can I have your number. Just wasn't feeling it with her.

Do you live in the mid-80s Soviet Union?