Support NeoGAF

[Frustrated_Grunt]

I'm short by GAF thread standards (5'8").Tinder is akin to a volume game like speed dating, so unless you're a super model, you have to expect tons of rejections and no responses. Eventually you Meet someone that's compatible. Meet my gf of 7 months from there.

 

[Zakalwe]

That actually lowers your value with women down here from what I notice.

I can't see how that could possibly be true. Intelligence and humour are generally very sought after qualities.

That depends. Being smart and articulate in one person's opinion could come across as pompous, pretentious and arrogant in another's. I'm not saying this applies to you, but a woman wanting a guy who's smart and articulate doesn't mean she wants a guy to mansplain Bertrand Russell philosophy to her either.

Honestly, unless you're speaking/writing in a pompous/pretentious way without any form of irony, I doubt it's going to be construed that way unless the reader is unintelligent to the point you probably wouldn't want to match with them anyway.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

I imagine people perceiving tall people as being better leaders, more intelligent, etc causes tall people to take on these traits. Basically self-fulfilling prophecies.

Lol, there's no correlation between height and intelligence.

That depends. Being smart and articulate in one person's opinion could come across as pompous, pretentious and arrogant in another's. I'm not saying this applies to you, but a woman wanting a guy who's smart and articulate doesn't mean she wants a guy to mansplain Bertrand Russell philosophy to her either.

Part of being smart is having the wisdom to explain complex subjects in a way palatable to laypersons, and to not bore people to tears. Lots of people love to learn, but no one likes being talked down to.

 

[bidguy]

im 5'8 and get plenty matches. i even put that in my bio

dont think its that important to girls

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Like this?

Lmao at that last one. Literally annoy you? As opposed to... Figuratively annoy you?

 

[Syder]

Every time this discussion comes up on GAF I leave it convinced this 'girls only like guys above 6ft' thing is a US problem.

Average male height is listed anywhere from 5'' 8' to 5''10 in the US. It's 5'' 10' in Europe and in the UK, where I'm from, it's about 5'' 9' to 5' 11''.

I'm 5'' 10' and I've never had any negative experiences because of it and I've never heard of women asserting that a guy must be 6ft or they wouldn't even glance at you. Girls might have height preferences but the idea that you're invisible because you're AVERAGE height is nonsense to me.

Just throwing out some celebs people find attractive that are in the 5'' 7' to 5'' 9' range: Kit Harington, Tom Hardy, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Kanye West, Jared Leto, Zac Efron, Robert Downey Jr, Pharrell, Andrew Garfield, Nick Jonas, Usher, Mark Wahlberg....

Prince was 5'' 2' and that motherfucker had serious game.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

I've actually had some luck recently and gotten good matches and even dates with good-looking girls with good personalities, even in my own country of Sweden where the competition is brutal. (There are lots of tall and well-groomed guys here, and I'm not one of them. I do much better whenever I'mtravelling abroad and have the advantage of being a bit exotic.)

Still, I have to accept that it's a numbers game. If I swipe right a hundred times, maybe one will swipe me back. To save time and emotional investment, I just swipe right on everyone and then go through my few matches to see whether we would be compatible or not, before initiating contact. Still, I tend to get a decent response rate after contacting them. I suspect them limiting the amount of likes for non-paying members has been great for guys, as girls are no longer drowning in matches and messages the way they did before.

 

[peteykirch]

I imagine people perceiving tall people as being better leaders, more intelligent, etc causes tall people to take on these traits. Basically self-fulfilling prophecies.

Edit:



Wow, that's awful

That's only one screenshot of tweets out of about 30+

 

[sheamus]

I've literally never met a single woman in my life who insisted that any guys she dates has to be 6'-1" or taller.

Try getting a Dutch Woman. She was 6 foot and that was short for her family. She never did anyone under 6'1

Both of her brothers are 6'6 and 6'8

 

[Mesousa]

Wut. What's down here?

Georgia.

 

[SamVimes]

OKCupid did that: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

Yes, women have easier pickings online. But men also by far message the most attractive women. So if the same happens the other way around on Tinder, well, I can't find anything strange about that.

Okcupid attractiveness algorithm leaves a lot to be desired. I know because I received an email telling me that I'm one of the the hottest people there lol

 

[John Kowalski]

These unfair beauty standards are really doing a number on men.

 

[Future]

Unless he is swiping right on every woman, his pickiness is contributing

 

[Croatoan]

I met my wife on Match.com. I can, from experience, tell you that women who have unrealistic "specific" things they want from a man in their profile are not serious about finding someone. The only caveat would be tall girls and male height.


edit: why the hell is Match.com a link?

 

[entremet]

Every time this discussion comes up on GAF I leave it convinced this 'girls only like guys above 6ft' thing is a US problem.

Average male height is listed anywhere from 5'' 8' to 5''10 in the US. It's 5'' 10' in Europe and in the UK, where I'm from, it's about 5'' 9' to 5' 11''.

I'm 5'' 10' and I've never had any negative experiences because of it and I've never heard of women asserting that a guy must be 6ft or they wouldn't even glance at you. Girls might have height preferences but the idea that you're invisible because you're AVERAGE height is nonsense to me.

Just throwing out some celebs people find attractive that are in the 5'' 7' to 5'' 9' range: Kit Harington, Tom Hardy, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Kanye West, Jared Leto, Zac Efron, Robert Downey Jr, Pharrell, Andrew Garfield, Nick Jonas, Usher, Mark Wahlberg....

Prince was 5'' 2' and that motherfucker had serious game.

Prince had once in a generation talent, good looks, fame, and wealth. Yeah, God, Nature, whatever said, hey for all that let's make you short. It would be too unfair if he was tall too lol.

 

[Lego Boss]

5'9 and he thinks he's got it bad? I'm 5'6, just put me in the fucking ground already.

Listen man, Tom Cruise is not too tall and he's doing OK.

If people make such shallow judgements they're really not worth it.

I suppose it's easy to say, but that's their problem, not yours.

 

[Sesuadra]

5'9 isn't even short.

Is 178cm around 5.9? Because before I met my fiancée I got a lot of "I like how you look and all...but you are just not tall enough for me to feel safe"

 

[Clark W Grizwald]

Ugly guys blame their height on not being able to score chicks.

5'7, literally NEVER been an issue.

Same here. Be confident, be fun, and be yourself and good things will follow. Being insecure sticks out like a sore thumb and that is the main issue going on here with these whiney dudes.

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

OKCupid did that: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

Yes, women have easier pickings online. But men also by far message the most attractive women. So if the same happens the other way around on Tinder, well, I can't find anything strange about that.

I think that's a matter of population distribution. The graph is also accounting for what % of the population falls into the "most attractive" category. The group close to the top receives more messages only because there are considerably more people who are close to the top than actually at the top. At least that's what I believe the graph shows. I would imagine that on an individual basis, a 5 on that graph receives more messages than a 4, there just aren't enough 5's to counteract the sheer number of people considered 4's.

edit- I see that you edited your post, whoops!

Yeah I initially misread the message graph, my bad.

But upon reading the article in full I did come across something that is very much related to the topic of this thread.
Compare the (male created) female attractiveness distribution to the one women created for men:

This is how men rated women:

And here's what the author had to say about it:

Our chart shows how men have rated women, on a scale from 0 to 5. The curve is symmetric and surprisingly charitable: a woman is as likely to be considered extremely ugly as extremely beautiful, and the majority of women have been rated about “medium.” The chart looks normalized, even though it’s just the unfiltered opinions of our male users.

Given the popular wisdom that Hollywood, the Internet, and Photoshop have created unrealistic expectations of how a woman should look, I found the fairness and, well, realism, of this gray arc kind of heartening.

Now look at how women rated men (dotted line):

And again, the author's take:

As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.

.....

Females of OkCupid, we site founders say to you: ouch! Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.

The entire thing is worth a read: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/
I think I'll be following this blog in the future, it's quite educating.

 

[Lucian Cat]

I met my bf on tinder. He's 5ft10, I'm 5ft6. Doesn't phase me in the slightest. He even sent me a message while we were first chatting to warn me he wasn't tall. I just replied with 'so?'

Why would you want to date someone so shallow in the first place.

 

[Zaphrynn]

Lol, there's no correlation between height and intelligence.

There's not, but if people treat you/perceive you as more intelligent, then you are going to gain perspectives and opportunities to succeed in areas attached to intelligence. People will ask your opinion more, give you more opportunities to learn, etc.

While not technically more intelligent at a base level, you will be more likely given the tools to learn and succeed. I also think exercising your brain can help either increase intelligence or maintain it, so I consider that an effect. I should've made my point more clearly before, but I'm still in bed, lol.

I'm not saying this is something every tall person experiences by the way. Just wondering if it has an effect.

About perceptions and how they shape our performances and attitudes about ourself and others:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_effect

 

[boinx]

women on online dating need to check their priviledge

 

[entremet]

OkTrends is pretty fascinating.

Just as women prefer tall men. Men prefer younger women according to their data.

These are obvious, but nice to see empirical data.

 

[Sesuadra]

I met my bf on tinder. He's 5ft10, I'm 5ft6. Doesn't phase me in the slightest. He even sent me a message while we were first chatting to warn me he wasn't tall. I just replied with 'so?'

Why would you want to date someone so shallow in the first place.

But did you know before hand that he was a mod?

Spoiler

just kidding <3

 

[duxstar]

Is tinder actually legit, i guess this is the post to ask in . It seems broken to me some days, for example ill log on and swipe right to these beautiful girls , like super model gorgeous and it says they like me back , i just assumed the site was broken and full of fake profiles.

Im in no way the type of guy that attracts the 11s in real life and consider myself average looking at best

 

[DragonSworne]

5'9'' is not short. Most men are just ugly as sin regardless of height.

 

[OldMan]

Mario, a plumber, banged it out with a princess TWICE his height...

 

[Lucian Cat]

But did you know before hand that he was a mod?

Spoiler

just kidding <3

Lol. That mod is kinda tall fyi. 6ft1 ish.

 

[Fury451]

I dated a girl three inches taller than me.

Some really don't care about trivial stuff like height.

But we didn't meet online so that's probably a part of it.

 

[entremet]

5'9'' is not short. Most men are just ugly as sin regardless of height.

I don't think so.

Most men are decent looking but stuff like poor grooming, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, poor fashion sense limits a lot of dudes.

Terrible profile pics don't help.

Men, generally, don't get aesthetics. Women are socially conditioned both by society, marketers and each other to put a premium on aesthetics.

The male gaze being as harsh as it is.

Gay men find a similar problem. Incidentally many gay men understand aesthetics better than straight men because of this.

To see this better look at the old show Beauty and the Geek. Dudes make dramatic turnarounds when in the hands of professionals with taste.

 

[Mesousa]

Is 178cm around 5.9? Because before I met my fiancée I got a lot of "I like how you look and all...but you are just not tall enough for me to feel safe"

Lol do you live in the African savanna?

You should have told those girls you carry a pistol.

 

[Syder]

Is 178cm around 5.9? Because before I met my fiancée I got a lot of "I like how you look and all...but you are just not tall enough for me to feel safe"

You're like 5'' 8.5', dude. Totally within the average range for a man living in North America or Europe.

I really don't know what to say about a girl 'not feeling safe' because you're not tall. I mean, was she looking for a date, a boyfriend or a bodyguard. Conor McGregor is SHORTER than you, man, and not many people could throw down with him.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Is tinder actually legit, i guess this is the post to ask in . It seems broken to me some days, for example ill log on and swipe right to these beautiful girls , like super model gorgeous and it says they like me back , i just assumed the site was broken and full of fake profiles.

Im in no way the type of guy that attracts the 11s in real life and consider myself average looking at best

Well tinder has the obvious problem of being flooded with bots that are just fishing for your online porn subs. They're pretty easy to spot these days, but they make lazy swiping (not looking at profiles) a chore.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

The "charisma man" comic is basically me, but without the implied problematic attitudes about women. Some of my friends think I have "yellow fever" because I'm mostly successful with Asian (and in some cases Latino) women, but I have no such racial preference in any direction at all. They're the only ones interested in me, regardless of whether I'm abroad or here in Sweden. I guess those girls have "hydrophilic fever"

I think height is a big part of it. At 174 cm, I'm just too short to compete for Northern European women that are used to taller men.

 

[Sesuadra]

Lol do you live in the African savanna?

You should have told those girls you carry a pistol.

You're like 5'' 8.5', dude. Totally within the average range for a man living in North America or Europe.

I really don't know what to say about a girl 'not feeling safe' because you're not tall. I mean, was she looking for a date, a boyfriend or a bodyguard. Conor McGregor is SHORTER than you, man, and not many people could throw down with him.

Germany actually. But I've a friend who is around 1.58 in height and she says men under 1,80 are not in consideration to her. She needs someone to carry her into bed and stuff with ease.

But I found my match so I'm just telling anecdotes. There are a lot of women out there who don't care.

 

[Condom]

The "charisma man" comic is basically me, but without the implied problematic attitudes about women. Some of my friends think I have "yellow fever" because I'm mostly successful with Asian (and in some cases Latino) women, but I have no such racial preference in any direction at all. They're the only ones interested in me, regardless of whether I'm abroad or here in Sweden. I guess those girls have "hydrophilic fever"

I think height is a big part of it. At 174 cm, I'm just too short to compete for Northern European women that are used to taller men.

Are you blonde? Blonde guys are the best for the charisma man effect especially in south america

Anyway here in the Netherlands women can seriously be giants, immigrants and foreign students are the saving grace for any guy with height issues.

 

[Aiustis]

6' is my upper limit but it's not a deal breaker. I don't think i know any guys that are even shorter than me (5'3"), but heights not a deal breaker. Really I care more about other things. Maybe these guys are looking for the wrong kind of women too.

I admit, I do swipe left if a person has an interesting bio, but looks a too attractive.

 

[Hypron]

Germany actually. But I've a friend who is around 1.58 in height and she says men under 1,80 are not in consideration to her. She needs someone to carry her into bed and stuff with ease.

lmao, height won't help you with that.

 

[Renekton]

Women always had these preferences. They just can state them due to how dating apps work.

You think women in the 50, 60, 70, and 80s didn't prefer taller men?

I'm tall and I haven old ladies telling me I should find it easy finding a partner. They know shit about Internet dating.

Yup also increased economic opportunities afforded to all gender types lets them be more picky about male looks even taking more precedence versus traditional stuff like economic potential. Or at least I read that from Economist.

Interesting times. Luckily the rest of us get VR and robots soon.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Are you blonde? Blonde guys are the best for the charisma man effect especially in south america

Dark blonde I guess. What we call cendre or "rat coloured" here in Sweden

 

[Sesuadra]

lmao, height won't help you with that.

I'm just quoting. I know that

Dark blonde I guess. What we call cendre or "rat coloured" here in Sweden

We call it "street dog" colour in Germany, or straßenköder-blond.

 

[The Lamonster]

I'm 5'7" I'd be lost if my wife ever decided she didn't dig short guys any more. Stories like this makes me realise how lucky I am.

Same here, I'm 5'6"

 

[kittoo]

Holy shit these threads make me feel bad about my height (5'11"). Like wth. Nothing below 6 the girls say?
I can take solace in the fact that I am in a country where average height is much lower than western hemisphere.

 

[Syder]

Germany actually. But I've a friend who is around 1.58 in height and she says man under 1,80 are not in consideration to her. She needs someone to carry her into bed and stuff with ease.

But I found my match so I'm just telling anecdotes. There are a lot of women out there who don't care.

I mean, my reaction to a woman who says that would be 'cool, you like what you like', men usually have unrealistic standards of women so whatever.

The way I see it is if you're average male height, a woman of average height in heels isn't going to be taller than you, so what's the big deal.

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

I can't see how that could possibly be true. Intelligence and humour are generally very sought after qualities.



Honestly, unless you're speaking/writing in a pompous/pretentious way without any form of irony, I doubt it's going to be construed that way unless the reader is unintelligent to the point you probably wouldn't want to match with them anyway.

Right. I've come across a lot of guys who think that they prove their intelligence to a woman (and even to other guys) by ranting about something they're super knowledgeable about without any consideration for whether or not it's actually going to be interesting to another person. Being "intelligent" in dating terms just means not being an idiot who's never had a lucid thought. And I think a lot of guys miss that point.

All these personality traits are overanalyzed. The bottom line is to be fun, interesting, and have a good time. No one wants to spend time with a person who feels like a chore. If someone's experience with you is fun and enjoyable they'll want to spend more time with you. I think it would serve guys (and women, too) well to remember that you don't need to worry about seeming impressive as much as you need to focus on making sure the person you're with is enjoying themselves. That's the classic mistake made by guys who ramble about their boring job at a law firm as if having a good-paying job is a substitute for a personality. If you're a naturally boring person whose idea of a conversation is to ask someone a litany of questions about themselves until you've exhausted their life story, it may be worth reading some self-help articles on carrying conversation. Just because you can keep someone talking, or keep talking yourself, doesn't mean a good conversation is happening. That's lost on a lot of guys too.

The point of a conversation isn't just to ask questions and exchange opinions, it's to share your feelings and vulnerabilities too, which you would think a lot of guys are incapable of at times. Every guy who carries a conversation with a girl by asking her where she's from, followed by where she went to school, followed by where she lives now, followed by what she does for a living is doing it completely wrong. It's not a damn job interview, it's supposed to be fun, and your attempts at keeping her talking are a poor mask for the fact that you're either insecure about your own life and would rather not discuss it or are paralyzed by the idea of sharing with a near-stranger the things that inspire you, scare you, motivate you, etc. A conversation isn't a data transfer of facts or even opinions, but ideally of feelings and vulnerabilities.


Also, I'm not targeting you specifically, to be clear. Just kind of throwing suggestions out in general.

 

[Glass Shark]

Boo-hoo.

 

[Diablos]

Tinder isn't ideal for meaningful relationships with rare exception. Nearly everyone on it seems to be quite shallow. It should come as no surprise that many people feel like shit after using it.

 

[Mesousa]

Holy shit these threads make me feel bad about my height (5'11"). Like wth. Nothing below 6 the girls say?
I can take solace in the fact that I am in a country where average height is much lower than western hemisphere.

More importantly in your neck of the woods though is how fair is your skin brother?

 

[entremet]

Holy shit these threads make me feel bad about my height (5'11"). Like wth. Nothing below 6 the girls say?
I can take solace in the fact that I am in a country where average height is much lower than western hemisphere.

Lol 5 11 is fine.

Most people really can't gauge height accurately at that number.

 

[Irishmantis]

One thing that boogies my mind

If there are more women than men then why the fuck when it comes to situations like these women can pick and choose easily and there are much more men than women?

I think us Males needs to stop initially thinking desperately with our dick and all play disinterested as much as possible

Use maths to our advantage and watch the tables logically turn

Lol obviously that will never happen

Also I'm 5'7 lol

I blame the Irish gene