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Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
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Doubtful, you probably just improved your general posture. It's something most people take for granted.
-COOLIO-
The Everyman
Lol why would you put your height in your profile? I'm 5'9"ish and Tinder helped raise my self-esteem. I told my height to a few people, and it was never a problem. In fact, I met my girlfriend on Tinder and she's only 5'4".
I'm 5'9 and i list it. what's the harm really? if it's a deal breaker then it's a deal breaker and you save some time.
And 5'9 is by no means an especially attractive height, but i really doubt the journalist in the OP is getting left swiped purely because of that. I had about the same 1-50 stat until I took a non selfie main pic and then shit blew up. The initial matches seem to live and die on that first pic. I'd wager < 33% of girls are reading profiles prematch.
There is a definite height discrimination, but it's just one of many on both sides of the gender divide. I'm 5'10 and consider myself average at best. It's disheartening to see girls explicitly state "tall guys only" or "6ft+ please".
Location is much more important though. There is fucking no one around me. I signed up for OK Cupid and got maybe one or two likes over a couple of days. I visited some friends in London and one evening when I came back I had over 30 likes in the space of a few hours and I'm just a dead average guy in every respect - I don't even know if that's a decent amount of likes. It sure felt like a lot compared to the barren wasteland back home.
In terms of looking for matches a lot of girls aren't willing to match with guys too far away. I'm surprised how many girls around here don't own a car.
Location is much more important though. There is fucking no one around me. I signed up for OK Cupid and got maybe one or two likes over a couple of days. I visited some friends in London and one evening when I came back I had over 30 likes in the space of a few hours and I'm just a dead average guy in every respect - I don't even know if that's a decent amount of likes. It sure felt like a lot compared to the barren wasteland back home.
In terms of looking for matches a lot of girls aren't willing to match with guys too far away. I'm surprised how many girls around here don't own a car.
I won't tell you that actor or singer x is balding too with lower height and look at his success with women blablala. That's a bullshit argument.
That attitude is the only thing that is really fucked and that attitude is holding you down massively. With guys the worst thing blocking them is their own attitude - which also reflects on the outside. It's mostly a lack of self-respect and love, though few will admit it.
You gotta learn to respect yourself as every healthy (eating good, sleeping well) and good thing (sports, going outside, meeting people) you do is a sign of self respect.
From that basis on everything else is easier. Especially girls.
I am seriously warning you to work on this starting NOW and not a few years down the line or just from time to time casually.
kavanf1
Member
Very much this. It's amazing how much things change when you add 15 or 20 years...suddenly guys are the ones who can afford to be choosy.
Omegasquash
Member
In my experience (which was all pre-online dating, I guess 36 is old?) women prefer taller guys. Now, that doesn't mean "tall before all", since personality as a whole probably outweighs one physical trait, but it's a preference. I think the catalogue-like nature of Tinder just makes it easy for women to say "nope, not what I'm looking for".
It's a gallery, people are looking, so it's not really a rejection. No one should take it personally, OR to heart and take a hit to their self-esteem.
If you want a good lesson in this, get a sales or business development job. Every now and then you'll come across someone rude, and if you're good you'll set up plenty of successful, mutually beneficial relationships. But you're gonna go on lots of "first dates". You're going to lose deals that were supposed to close. You're going to be "rejected" likely WAY more than not. That's not necessarily a representation of you being a bad BD, it's more likely a case of your product/service not being a good match to what your prospective client is looking for.
Don't think too much about it, rather, take a look at your profile, spruce up your pic, and fail fast.
It's a gallery, people are looking, so it's not really a rejection. No one should take it personally, OR to heart and take a hit to their self-esteem.
If you want a good lesson in this, get a sales or business development job. Every now and then you'll come across someone rude, and if you're good you'll set up plenty of successful, mutually beneficial relationships. But you're gonna go on lots of "first dates". You're going to lose deals that were supposed to close. You're going to be "rejected" likely WAY more than not. That's not necessarily a representation of you being a bad BD, it's more likely a case of your product/service not being a good match to what your prospective client is looking for.
Don't think too much about it, rather, take a look at your profile, spruce up your pic, and fail fast.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
This is excellent advice. Be as responsive as you can to the other person on a date.
Could you expand on this? I've never used tinder but have seen plenty of women reject men online for what appeared to be superficial reasons.
hydrophilic attack
Member
The average height in Western nations has steadily increased lately (probably in part due to sexual selection towards height). This means that while 5 foot nine may be average for the population at large, in the age group of most people here, it's significantly below average.
I mean I can still land a nice shorter girl, but it sort of makes me not want to bother getting kids. If I marry a shorter girl, the dating life of any sons I would get would be miserable, as he would likely be shorter than me and probably face even taller competition. Not sure I want to inflict that on my son tbh
The Artisan
Member
that's interesting because i never ever ever use the app and I used it twice last night
Krauser Kat
Member
5' 8" with good pictures. Cleaned UP! in Chicago. this way less "dont be short" and more "dont be ugly"
also meeting people in real life will always rain supreme.
also meeting people in real life will always rain supreme.
Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew
Banned
The problem/benefit is that I've seen the opposite come true many times. My average nerdy looking friends are getting laid on Tinder with great success.
bananafactory
Banned
Same here. 5'7 and have never had a problem with it.
My friend has had problems with women and his height though but he's actually quite short, like 5'3 or 5'4
-COOLIO-
The Everyman
I'm sure you already know this, but this isn't really how genetics works. If it was, we would all be trending downward pretty rapidly.
Second, your son would be living in the year 2036 when he's 20. there's going to be height pills and crazy augmentations when he's an adult.
ViewtifulJC
Banned
I mean, you can lose weight. If you a dude who's 5'3'', that's a RIP on your dating life, b
NESpowerhouse
Perhaps he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of a plane.
Whew. Thank God I'm exactly 6'0 on the dot. That extra inch saved me from being short forever
Makes sense for a 'swipe left, swipe right' kind of speed judging, women have an ideal in their head and for a lot of them that ideal is being at last 6 feet tall, you have to meet women in the real world to get around this.
One of my best friends is like 5'7" and for the past 10 years has hooked up with more attractive girls than my entire group of friends combined. He has a radiant/funny personality and supreme confidence, he's gotten with women that were a solid 2-3 inches taller than him, his height has never been a limiting factor.
Especially on the internet, short guys tend to have a 'woe is me, I'm doomed' mentality and that's the worst thing you can do. Yes your height puts you at a disadvantage initially and you might have to work a little harder, but for a lot of women, who they want to hook up w/ or date comes much, much, much more down to personality than height. (Taking care of yourself physically also helps)
Yeah, should point out that this can be an issue when you're on the extreme side of being short. A guy who is 5'2-5'5", even with the best personality, is going to have some issues with women, but even that can be overcome, Tina Fey's husband is 5'5" I believe.
One of my best friends is like 5'7" and for the past 10 years has hooked up with more attractive girls than my entire group of friends combined. He has a radiant/funny personality and supreme confidence, he's gotten with women that were a solid 2-3 inches taller than him, his height has never been a limiting factor.
Especially on the internet, short guys tend to have a 'woe is me, I'm doomed' mentality and that's the worst thing you can do. Yes your height puts you at a disadvantage initially and you might have to work a little harder, but for a lot of women, who they want to hook up w/ or date comes much, much, much more down to personality than height. (Taking care of yourself physically also helps)
Yeah, should point out that this can be an issue when you're on the extreme side of being short. A guy who is 5'2-5'5", even with the best personality, is going to have some issues with women, but even that can be overcome, Tina Fey's husband is 5'5" I believe.
SatansReverence
Hipster Princess
6ft luckily because my old girl is short as.
It is funny when a 5ft2in women gets picky with height though.
It is funny when a 5ft2in women gets picky with height though.
Familienoberhauptvogel
Banned
Wait after looking at a conversion I'm 6 foot but what does it matter? It's not particularly tall.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
5'7 is short now? Even though I said 'I'm 5'7' relating to dating problems the real problem for me is bad pictures, lack of confidence coming through, and needing an improvement in style, based on feedback here. If you're a short guy you could get ripped instead. Girls love muscles.
I wish more people would use apps for their intended purpose. There are plenty of dating apps, Tinder is clearly a hook-up app.
mysocksarepink
Banned
i've had exponentially more sex using tinder than in my entire life previous to it, however, it still makes me feel like shit when I don't get any matches.
Nothing feels better than meeting someone irl, girl I'm currently dating I met at a bar, and it's exponentially better than a tinder fuck
Nothing feels better than meeting someone irl, girl I'm currently dating I met at a bar, and it's exponentially better than a tinder fuck
Subpar Spatula
Banned
Y'all will survive. If you have charisma or a twinkle of charm then you'll get dates easily. Whining about it will make you less desirable.
I hate to say it and sound ignorant but it seems like women aren't as down to hookup as men are
bye gaf, its sexy time
Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
I knew a girl who wouldn't trade places with a guy on a dating site if you paid her because when she created a dating profile for a male friend, she had to send a shit tonne of messages to get any sort of female attention. Meanwhile on hers she just waited and filtered messages
Lucky Seven
Banned
I imagine any thread with the word Tinder in the title will attract some of the narcissists on GAF.
Justin Bailey
------ ------
A person is greater than the sum of his (or her) parts. Online dating's biggest problem is that it forces people to look at others as a series of stats.
Well my male friends range in how they approach Tinder, some spend a lot of time on a girl's profile and try to deeply analyze the photos and bio to create a very compelling first message, on the chance they match. Other guy friends literally 'like' every girl, and hope for a match.
Some of my female friends spend a liiiitle time on a bio, but usually they have a bunch of rituals for weeding out guys, just to reduce what would otherwise be an overwhelming amount of attention. Usually, they swipe 'no' faster than my eyes can even focus on a guys picture until something incomprehensible catches their eye. Then they'll expand on the photos. The guys who make it this far have like a 10% chance of getting liked. Different girls seem to have different rules, but like one friend would dislike on any guy who had even one picture with another girl in it. Another one refused any picture that looked like it had a filter. Another rule was no selfies, another one was no picture (even in the gallery) that doesn't clearly frame the face. There are more I can't remember, and others that are just too weird for me to want to share.
Even after all this, these girls were getting non stop messages. They could like 3 or 4 a day, and 75% would match and over a few days they are often overwhelmed and need a break.
Subpar Spatula
Banned
Bruh. It's a number's game. Sure, you probably won't match someone who you feel is society's version of a 10 but it's not difficult at all to get a date online regardless of appearance. Most people aren't shallow at all.
-COOLIO-
The Everyman
To be fair, there's a quick superficial size up of a person in real world encounters as well. And there's nothing wrong with that either. There's plenty of unattractive people with great personalities, sure, but there's also plenty of attractive people with great personalities as well. Why not start from the more desirable pool of people if you can pull em?
Hey buddy, we (I am 6ft 1") are all not (I also have a thick head of hair that isn't going anywhere) ungodly (and I swing a mean stick) narcissists.
How About No
Member
Online dating was a mistake
That's hawt
What who doesn't want Amish Castiel
What about when you're 6'2" and your GF is 6'1"?
That's hawt
What who doesn't want Amish Castiel
JimJamJones
Member
5'10 is short now?
Well shit.
Well shit.
Mattlikewhoa
Member
5'6 GAF checking in...
Short guys unite!
In all honesty, I've spoken to a lot of girls I know about height, and some are dead set on a cutoff while others are cool with it. It's just a numbers game really.
Short guys unite!
In all honesty, I've spoken to a lot of girls I know about height, and some are dead set on a cutoff while others are cool with it. It's just a numbers game really.
Zelenogorsk
Banned
I have zero self-esteem so any sort of positive interaction with a girl on a dating sight is like winning the Olympics for me. I much prefer this mentality to thinking that i'm hot as hell and then learning it's not true.
Also from what my attractive female friends have told me online dating as a hot chick is hell on earth. Messages from 50 guys an hour. Sounds insane and hard to deal with.
Also from what my attractive female friends have told me online dating as a hot chick is hell on earth. Messages from 50 guys an hour. Sounds insane and hard to deal with.
Truth. All dating really is a numbers game. If someone is stuck on height, they're not for you, move on.
g.r.e.
Member
When I get my shit together, I'll try making an OkCupid profile and see what life gives me.
UnemployedVillain
Member
Lol no, this isn't true at all unless you're in the Netherlands or something. 5'10" is the average for western countries
smokeandmirrors
Banned
Can't destroy what doesn't exist in my case.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Oh ok, I thought you meant women are more thorough or thoughtful with how they go about judging potential matches. The examples you give are in complete agreement with the behavior I've witnessed. Women can afford to make decisions based on arbitrary factors when they have so much choice.
Thanks for the detailed reply!
hydrophilic attack
Member
Well. It's not a sure thing of course but the likelihood of a son being even shorter than me in such a situation is still pretty high.
I'm not 100 % super serious about this stuff of a hypothetical son of course. More like 50 %. I don't really think height pill will be a thing but at least any son of mine would live in a world with pretty damn realistic VR lol
eot
Banned
So how does he know it was his height that caused the rejections? Maybe his profile pic was this:
Genuine question. I have no idea how Tinder works. I am old.
lol?
His real phone is in his pocket
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