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Well, I watched "Do You Believe?"

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entremet

Member
I'm always perplexed why nearly all of the hobbits were given shitty film careers after Lord of the Rings. The only one who is still going strong is Dominic Monaghan.

Why, Sean, why...

Am assuming all these actors are Christian, otherwise why pursue these projects. I doubt they pay a lot. These are low budget affairs.
 

Fury451

Banned
Am assuming all these actors are Christian, otherwise why pursue these projects. I doubt they pay a lot. These are low budget affairs.

Mira Sorvino has been pretty devout convert. I suspect that there's several others in the cast (perhaps even most/all) that must be as well, because as you say, these can't pay that much and are more in the realm of "passion projects". Like indie films actors make for personal reasons. The cast behind this could've done better though...
 

entremet

Member
Mira Sorvino has been pretty devout convert. I suspect that there's several others in the cast (perhaps even most/all) that must be as well, because as you say, these can't pay that much and are more in the realm of "passion projects". Like indie films actors make for personal reasons. The cast behind this could've done better though...

I know Sean Astin is one. He just don't wear his religion on his sleeve.
 
Lionel, could you please review Omega Code II: Megiddo?

I don't care what anyone says, that movie is pure entertainment. My Skillet-listening roommate at college was taken aback when I read a synopsis and was like "Yes, yes I will definitely go see this movie with you, and will invite friends."
 

ryseing

Member
Lionel, could you please review Omega Code II: Megiddo?

I don't care what anyone says, that movie is pure entertainment. My Skillet-listening roommate at college was taken aback when I read a synopsis and was like "Yes, yes I will definitely go see this movie with you, and will invite friends."

Holy shit I remember that movie.

The secretary's adopted brother turns out to be the Antichrist right?
 

Fury451

Banned
Lionel, could you please review Omega Code II: Megiddo?

Now that was a thoroughly entertaining movie, I agree. It was actually quite competently made for a Christian themed film, and a fun watch too.

Just to highlight the cast in that one:

Michael York
Michael Biehn
R. Lee Ermey
Udo Kier
Franco Nero
Chad Michael Murray

Holy shit I remember that movie.

The secretary's adopted brother turns out to be the Antichrist right?

Something like that. Hicks is the VP of the US I think, with Drill Sergeant Hartman as the President, and Basil Exposition (the antichrist) becomes president of the world union. I thought they were blood brothers though, not that that matters.
 

Arkeband

Banned
I eagerly await Lionel's viewing of God's Not Dead 2, these are amazing.

My fiancée actually received a text message from an older coworker back when the first was released that said the title of the movie - it was a group text and was met with a flurry of confusion, people going "Is something wrong?" or "Please do not contact my child without my permission." It was glorious.

So learning through your writeup that the reason she received that text in the first place was because the movie asked people to do it just makes it that much funnier.
 

Archaix

Drunky McMurder
During that entire recap, I pictured Ted McGinley as Ted Danson. I know that's wrong. I knew that was wrong. But it just seemed more entertaining my way somehow.

George Lucas should sue after they clearly stole names like Kriminal and Nefarious from unused Star Wars scripts.
 
God sounds a little messed up in this movie.

He helps criminals and kills the pregnant girl so BARREN woman can have the kid.

At least he cured cancer finally. Actually maybe cancer guy never had cancer in the first place. It was all a ruse to get people to believe.
 

Trojita

Rapid Response Threadmaker
Wait "Power Team" was a real thing?

I thought it was some fake thing Workaholics made up.
 

RyanDG

Member
I remember seeing the Power team at my elementary school in the south. And even in my young age, I couldn't help but think that there was something really, really wrong with it.

Edit - Should note... 'PUBLIC' elementary school.
 

Chichikov

Member
And just when you least expect it, Brian fucking Bosworth...

Great review as alway, you should start a website or something, where people can pay you money to see shitty christian movies.
 

The Technomancer

card-carrying scientician
There was an article on Vox about Christian movies:

"Why are Christian movies so painfully bad?"
http://www.vox.com/2015/2/15/8038283/christian-movies-bad-old-fashioned-fifty-shades

Orson Scott Card, of all people, wrote a great essay about this back in like the 80s. Basically religious literature falls into one of two categories based on whether its interested in exploring actual questions of faith and purpose or if its affirmative fiction for the already devout and that the latter is pretty much always always awful.
 
Lionel, could you please review Omega Code II: Megiddo?

I don't care what anyone says, that movie is pure entertainment. My Skillet-listening roommate at college was taken aback when I read a synopsis and was like "Yes, yes I will definitely go see this movie with you, and will invite friends."

I remember watching that years ago. I remember at the end Michael York turns into a terrible CG Balrog.

Wait "Power Team" was a real thing?

I thought it was some fake thing Workaholics made up.

Power Team is very very real. I've seen them roll up a frying pan with their bare hands.
 

Enduin

No bald cap? Lies!
Holy shit I didn't even notice that was what was going on there

Holy shit

That's one of the really weird thing about these movies. Everyday Christians will say God doesn't cause everything to happen as it does, at least not directly. He knows how it will all happen but we still somehow have free will. But some people believe and the movies themselves almost always seem to position events to be most definitely divinely influenced and guided by his hand. Often times heavily influenced either by how devout a character's faith is or their willingness to repent and accept Jesus had they not previously. Though that doesn't always save them.

So while God appears to be directly influencing events they're still full of really screwed up conclusions where people die horribly for really minor slights, if at all, or get bizarro happy endings due to some other person's profound tragedy. God really sucks at endings and has some uneven criteria for his "miracles."
 

RetroMG

Member
Man, after reading the last thread and this one, I actually really wanted to go see this, because I am a fan of awful movies. But it's not playing anywhere near me. Welp, guess I saved twenty bucks.

EDIT: Oh, actually it is playing at theaters that are roughly 30-45 minutes away. Yeah, no thanks. If I want to see a bad movie, I'll just wait two weeks and go see The Room when Rifftrax does it.
 

Mengy

wishes it were bannable to say mean things about Marvel
I wonder why there's such a big disparity in how well this one is doing compared to the predecessor?

Lack of the Duck Dynasty involvement?

Nope, it's the lack of Dean Cain and Kevin Sorbo. Superman and Hercules together in one movie can really supply the draw!!!!


Lionel, your review was spectacular, and I'm also sure it was far more entertaining than the movie itself. Although I may have to youtube that bridge scene one day....
 

AkuMifune

Banned
So there's THAT little moral for you.

That line got me. Beautiful write up. Seems like a better comedy than most this year.

But yeah, not sure Samwise the Atheist deserved to be treated like that. You can be a bitch, as long as you have god on your side?
 

Fuchsdh

Member
I'm always perplexed why nearly all of the hobbits were given shitty film careers after Lord of the Rings. The only one who is still going strong is Dominic Monaghan.

Why, Sean, why...

To be fair, Dominic Monaghan is the best actor out of the bunch (and also the best Hobbit.)

Beautiful writeup, Mandrake. I feel like you should start a Patreon and we can just pay you to watch crappy movies and do these write-ups.
 
X

Xpike

Unconfirmed Member
So, did George Lucas get credit as a writer for those names or was this an under the table kind of deal
 

Htown

STOP SHITTING ON MY MOTHER'S HEADSTONE
ahahahhahahahhahga fantastic, Mandrake, you're the best

why do they make these movies? why? why u so weird, America?

but then we wouldn't have these posts, so America is awesome!

There are a whole lot of Christians in America, and quite a few of them feel like most Hollywood movies don't really represent them or their values, so when a christian movie does come out they flock to it whether it's good or not. (And they are almost always not.) It's an under-served audience.
 

AkuMifune

Banned
Today I learned that the guy who tried to sell drugs to Ewan McGregor in Attack of the Clones was named Elan Sleazebaggano, so yeah, nice try Christians.

The same kid that was Mouse in The Matrix.

images


Also, you listen to Idle Thumbs. :)
 

adj_noun

Member
Anyway, Kriminal gets approached by a cop or something and asks, "Do you go by... 'Kriminal'?" Kriminal looks at his little wooden cross and says, "Not anymore."

"I spell it with a C now."

*inspiring music, credits*
 

Chichikov

Member
Sup Idle Thumbs bro.

Also, you listen to Idle Thumbs. :)
I don't know what Idle Thumbs is :(
Sounds like I should rectify that.

I think I got it from GAF, but I'm honestly not sure, my mind was full of fuck, I was like, "yeah, no way it can be real", same as this movie btw, I was "oh really, Kriminal and Nefarious, that's some shitty low hanging jokes".
Then I went to imdb...
 
I usually like Christian movies, but God is not Dead really left a bad taste. It seemed way too heavy handed. I wonder if this will be more of the same. I will check it out at some point.

Also I took a girl on a date to see the Power Team live, if it is the group I am thinking of. They pretty much just broke blocks of ice, shared their testimony then ripped a phone book in half.
 
There was an article on Vox about Christian movies:

"Why are Christian movies so painfully bad?"
http://www.vox.com/2015/2/15/8038283/christian-movies-bad-old-fashioned-fifty-shades

Cracked did a similar article: http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/4-reasons-christian-movies-bomb-in-mostly-christian-america/

I've seen a 43-minute video review (of sorts, it's shot in a car right after a screening), and it was compared to Crash, but with Christians, with all these plot threads that aren't really connected.
 
I usually like Christian movies, but God is not Dead really left a bad taste. It seemed way too heavy handed. I wonder if this will be more of the same. I will check it out at some point.

Also I took a girl on a date to see the Power Team live, if it is the group I am thinking of. They pretty much just broke blocks of ice, shared their testimony then ripped a phone book in half.
That relationship went nowhere, lol
 

Air

Banned
I'll give this a read later, but most religious movies like this are horrible.

Your review for God's not dead was hilarious btw.
 
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