• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Your Worst Sex Stories and Moments

FUBARx89

Member
Amusingly a young gentleman in tracksuit approached me, I assumed he was going to try sell me drugs, but to my surprise he was trying to sell me pairs of socks, super strange!

Teesside man, wild place. Was dragged up there and that's not even scratching the surface
 

FUBARx89

Member
I was in Oxbridge? At the time, must have been well over a decade ago now. I was only there a week or so, when I went up.

Ahhhh Oxbride is Stockton, round near the big park. Loads of bag heads used to be around there, so am not surprised ya got offered socks tbf.
 

Tams

Gold Member
Maybe I'm peculiar, but this is my vice when it comes to a woman. Some men like boobs, others booties, but for me it's a pair of supple toned legs that I can caress.
Hey, we all have our preferences. Some more varied than others.

I too rate legs over tits and arse. Arse being the least important to me.

But you not what drives me crazy? Hemlines.
 

anthony2690

Member
Ahhhh Oxbride is Stockton, round near the big park. Loads of bag heads used to be around there, so am not surprised ya got offered socks tbf.
Yeah it was pretty strange, I spent most the time crashing at this girls friend's house (shout-out to Chelsea and her parents for hosting me)

I literally just walked into her college with her and would chill in the cafeteria or hang out with her mates whilst she was in lessons they were not in, I'm amazed at how laxed it all was, and how nice everyone was to me.

Everyone was super accommodating.

Plus I think I went Sumo a couple times too

I was 17 back then, and was oddly never ID once.
 

Umbasaborne

Member
In highschool me and my ex were fooling around upstairs in her parents house. Her shirt/bra was completely off, little did we know that her mom had been standing at the doorway for a good 2 minutes, we didnt even notice her, until she let out a loud cough…we were not allowed to be at her house with any doors shut at that point, and her mom didnt talk to me for a good two months:

Really though, i dont see what the big deal was. We were a teen couple doing what teen couples do, not sure what her mom expected?
 
Last edited:

Lady Jane

Member
In highschool me and my ex were fooling around upstairs in her parents house. Her shirt/bra was completely off, little did we know that her mom had been standing at the doorway for a good 2 minutes, we didnt even notice her, until she let out a loud cough…we were not allowed to be at her house with any doors shut at that point, and her mom didnt talk to me for a good two months:

Really though, i dont see what the big deal was. We were a teen couple doing what teen couples do, not sure what her mom expected?

The mom was likely faking her anger to set an example. My mom did the same when she caught my sister when she was 17. She yelled and threw a fit. Later that night, I hear my mom tell my dad "You married a smoke show, what did you expect?" and they were laughing about it.
 
Last edited:

chromhound

Gold Member
The bed came off worse.
disgusted team america GIF
 

Tams

Gold Member
Assuming the dress doesn't hit the floor then I'm all good. I actually want to see the legs, especially in a summer dress blowing against the coming breeze.
Well yeah, of course I want to see some leg. I don't care much for the dress/skirt much, though if it's a nice one I will notice.

And yeah, anything with a hemline below the knee isn't so appealing. Full length dresses are only good for ballgowns and wedding dresses.

I do sometimes like tight fitting jeans, but knee-length or above skirts/dresses are where it is at.
 

Umbasaborne

Member
:
I don’t know if this one counts, but the worst feeling ever was a few years ago I just broke up with my GF and this girl I worked for confessed she had a crush on me for while, so that night she invited me to her apartment.

We were watching TV, having wine and then started kissing, then things got hot, we moved to her room, grabbed a condom.

Beat in mind that it had been like 3 weeks since I had sex. It was actually an amazing time and I felt like I released like a gallon of love juice, I pull out and see the condom completely broken.

Words can not describe the fear and anxiety I got, I felt sick. I asked her if she was on the pill and she told me she quit like a couple of weeks ago, then came the most excruciating month of my life.

In the end, she didn’t get pregnant, but I aged like 10 years on a single month.
yeah similar thing happened to me with a co worker at an old job, i didnt have a condom on me, but she really insisted it was ok since she was on her period. Fucking most terrifying month of my life afterward.
 

Umbasaborne

Member
Well a long time ago, while having sex with an ex. She literally pissed on me(or squirted?) after having an orgasm. It went everywhere and yeah… awkward for me and embarrassing for her.

Same chick, and we did anal. I ended up with a brown colored condom. It was pretty gross but I didn’t freak out, wasn’t trying to make her feel bad but I really needed to shower asap after that crap.
I mean thats the thing about anal/ass eating. We sexualize womens butts but its literally where poo comes out of. You kind of need to cross your fingers whenever its agreed that any kind of butt play will happen.
 

Winter John

Member
I had a fat chick hit on me but I wasn’t having it. Bitch was gross. About a year later the same beast turned up except now she was a thin chick. She’d lost about 200 pounds, had a wash and she looked like Kirsty Allie. She also had a boyfriend. It’s been decades. I have a beautiful wife and yet I still have these moments when I kick myself for not getting in on that when I had the chance. I guess the moral of the story is don’t rush to pull out the rape alarm when a fat chick grabs your dick
 

nush

Member
I had a fat chick hit on me but I wasn’t having it. Bitch was gross. About a year later the same beast turned up except now she was a thin chick. She’d lost about 200 pounds, had a wash and she looked like Kirsty Allie. She also had a boyfriend. It’s been decades. I have a beautiful wife and yet I still have these moments when I kick myself for not getting in on that when I had the chance. I guess the moral of the story is don’t rush to pull out the rape alarm when a fat chick grabs your dick

Those stretch marks will be there as a reminder. Don't kick yourself if she'd had a man then she would not have been motivated to lose the weight. See any of those trash womans magazine headlines "My man dumped me because I was fat. But look at me now!".
 
Worst thing is probably when I puked while going down on my girlfriend.
Was drunk as fuck but feeling pretty good and it just hit me. Thank god I had the time to leave the bed but the rug was absolutely disgusting.
Went to sleep in another room dreading my girlfriends reaction the next morning :messenger_fearful:
 

Tams

Gold Member
I had a fat chick hit on me but I wasn’t having it. Bitch was gross. About a year later the same beast turned up except now she was a thin chick. She’d lost about 200 pounds, had a wash and she looked like Kirsty Allie. She also had a boyfriend. It’s been decades. I have a beautiful wife and yet I still have these moments when I kick myself for not getting in on that when I had the chance. I guess the moral of the story is don’t rush to pull out the rape alarm when a fat chick grabs your dick
Eh, no point beating yourself up over that.

There was no guarantee that she'd have lost weight, would you really have wanted obese girl sex, being that fat does do permanent damage, and you have a wife anyway who I assume is at least decent looking enough?
 

chromhound

Gold Member
I think one of the worst that happened to me was when I went down on a girl and her shit taste like a dead corpse. Almost made me puke... I tried but couldn't
 

haxan7

Volunteered as Tribute
One time when I was having a threesome with beautiful women, the least attractive of them whispered seductively in my ear "save it for me."

I felt a little bad when I busted on the other 2 girls but such is life.
 

Peggies

Gold Member
I had a fat chick hit on me but I wasn’t having it. Bitch was gross. About a year later the same beast turned up except now she was a thin chick. She’d lost about 200 pounds, had a wash and she looked like Kirsty Allie. She also had a boyfriend. It’s been decades. I have a beautiful wife and yet I still have these moments when I kick myself for not getting in on that when I had the chance. I guess the moral of the story is don’t rush to pull out the rape alarm when a fat chick grabs your dick
Kirstie Alley?

Confused Maury Povich GIF by The Maury Show
 

Tams

Gold Member
One time when I was having a threesome with beautiful women, the least attractive of them whispered seductively in my ear "save it for me."

I felt a little bad when I busted on the other 2 girls but such is life.

That was a foursome.

 

Chronicle

Member
In highschool me and my ex were fooling around upstairs in her parents house. Her shirt/bra was completely off, little did we know that her mom had been standing at the doorway for a good 2 minutes, we didnt even notice her, until she let out a loud cough…we were not allowed to be at her house with any doors shut at that point, and her mom didnt talk to me for a good two months:

Really though, i dont see what the big deal was. We were a teen couple doing what teen couples do, not sure what her mom expected?
It's disrespectful as hell. God you have to be a millenial. "What's you're problem, man? I'm just having fun". Heaven forbid someone interrupt that!
 

Kenpachii

Gold Member
In highschool me and my ex were fooling around upstairs in her parents house. Her shirt/bra was completely off, little did we know that her mom had been standing at the doorway for a good 2 minutes, we didnt even notice her, until she let out a loud cough…we were not allowed to be at her house with any doors shut at that point, and her mom didnt talk to me for a good two months:

Really though, i dont see what the big deal was. We were a teen couple doing what teen couples do, not sure what her mom expected?
Mom probably didn't like her kid being boned by some guy. "shocking face pikachu".
 

Fools idol

Member
I only have one story but it's a good one.

When I was homeless (yep.. seriously) I spent a few nights during winter sharing a shipping container I found with some other homeless friends at the time. One of them was an addict but she was super hot, I was getting clean at that point and actually had a ticket out by means of making amends with some distant family so offered to take her in with us. She got super emotional for obvious reasons and well, one thing led to another when two people are sharing a small space to keep warm... only problem was, we had no condom.

I am totally ashamed to say this but yeh,, we rummaged around in a trash can behind a butchers shop and found a few discarded rubber gloves. It was super dark and we were both high off fuck knows what, I dont even remember, but we washed off the gloves as best we could with a beer and I fucked her with it on.

The next morning I was sobered up and I went to take a piss and found a bunch of rotten meat in my dick and pants from the butchers gloves.

I swear this is a real story. Being homeless + an addict fucking sucks.
 

6502

Member
I only have one story but it's a good one.

When I was homeless (yep.. seriously) I spent a few nights during winter sharing a shipping container I found with some other homeless friends at the time. One of them was an addict but she was super hot, I was getting clean at that point and actually had a ticket out by means of making amends with some distant family so offered to take her in with us. She got super emotional for obvious reasons and well, one thing led to another when two people are sharing a small space to keep warm... only problem was, we had no condom.

I am totally ashamed to say this but yeh,, we rummaged around in a trash can behind a butchers shop and found a few discarded rubber gloves. It was super dark and we were both high off fuck knows what, I dont even remember, but we washed off the gloves as best we could with a beer and I fucked her with it on.

The next morning I was sobered up and I went to take a piss and found a bunch of rotten meat in my dick and pants from the butchers gloves.

I swear this is a real story. Being homeless + an addict fucking sucks.

Jesus Christ.
 

NeoIkaruGAF

Gold Member
I only have one story but it's a good one.

When I was homeless (yep.. seriously) I spent a few nights during winter sharing a shipping container I found with some other homeless friends at the time. One of them was an addict but she was super hot, I was getting clean at that point and actually had a ticket out by means of making amends with some distant family so offered to take her in with us. She got super emotional for obvious reasons and well, one thing led to another when two people are sharing a small space to keep warm... only problem was, we had no condom.

I am totally ashamed to say this but yeh,, we rummaged around in a trash can behind a butchers shop and found a few discarded rubber gloves. It was super dark and we were both high off fuck knows what, I dont even remember, but we washed off the gloves as best we could with a beer and I fucked her with it on.

The next morning I was sobered up and I went to take a piss and found a bunch of rotten meat in my dick and pants from the butchers gloves.

I swear this is a real story. Being homeless + an addict fucking sucks.
Yeah, there’s no beating this.
Wow. Just wow.
 
I am totally ashamed to say this but yeh,, we rummaged around in a trash can behind a butchers shop and found a few discarded rubber gloves. It was super dark and we were both high off fuck knows what, I dont even remember, but we washed off the gloves as best we could with a beer and I fucked her with it on.
How fucking unromantic that must have been. I know being a junkie are some dark times, but the thought of you two rummaging in a trash can for a rubber is some nasty shit. What happened with the chick, did you put a ring on it? You did say she hot.
 

LiquidMetal14

hide your water-based mammals
Well I guess this would be the place to put this.

Before I metmy wife I was in a dating phase and met this one woman who was down to do it anywhere but the main problem is that she came too easily. We went out to this park the middle of the night and the danger of being caught was exciting enough but when I was hitting it from the back next to a tree she would continue to finish quite easily thus breaking my concentration and making it impossible to get any real pleasure out of it.

I guess that's rather common in itself but where I find it more amusing or comical is that she invited me to this double wide trailer where she lived with her kids. Mind you this thing had a hole in it and one of the hallways and what not but I wasn't going to judge based on that especially if I was getting some.

During the middle of our frolic she would go into her spastic jizz phase and while I was hitting it from the back I got the Jurassic Park 1 Newman spritz in the leg from her. It was already enough that she would tense up and force me out but when I got sprayed like that it was a straw that broke the camel's back. I made some excuse about a cramp and we fell asleep and left the next morning and never came back.

On the same note, I met an older woman (about 45 when I was 32) who had the stanky pussy™. That didn't last long.

To finish off on a more positive note I was reluctant but had someone come on to me for what felt like if you want one day just kind of bored him she invited me to a local park next to a lake. We appreciated to talk about friends with benefits openly and making it clear that a relationship was in the cards which led to me bending her over a bench around midnight as campers nearby were walking about 100 yards away. I'm not sure if they could see us but there wasn't a ton of residual light other than moolight but it was a good memory.
 
Last edited:
Top Bottom