Can't breathe.
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Worst sex you've ever had?
- Thread starter MrOogieBoogie
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:lol
I can't even choose my favorite part.
A. "The Captain"
B. "I felt like a rapist."
C. The crying.
D. "I just love you so much."
E. The fact that this conversation apparently happened, WHILE HE WAS STILL INSIDE HER.
F. The 30 minute shame hug.
InfiniteBento
Member
This ^ lol
I too enjoy the smell and taste of a nice vagina. But holy fuk when you experience some rancid ones...Its like getting mugged on the street. Each new person you run into, you are fearful of getting smack in the god damn jaw. Consider yourself lucky Raptor...It is not a fun experience. I never stop though lol the stories where people go flaccid over it? Not I, I just think of happy things and finish
So so true. I brought this girl to my office(work in manhattan and was late/horny to take her to my home in nj). After some quick smooching, we got undressed and had her sit on the desk.
That's when the smell hit me. It was so bad it made me nauseous.. I just couldn't breath. After few thrusts..I got her off the desk and gently lowered her head to give me a bj..
Somebody alert @NeoGAFBestPosts or @NeoGAFShitPosts. Possibly both.
depths20XX
Member
Pussy Stank: The Thread
David Incorporated Esq.
Member
Probably the time I said I wanted to come in her and she jumped off me and started yelling right before I came. She wanted me to say it.
She was crazy.
She was crazy.
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
This one time when I was trying to bone my girlfriend, I went soft when trying to get the condom on.
That's about the worst it's really been, I guess. Oh, and that one time we tried anal and she fell over in pain.
That's about the worst it's really been, I guess. Oh, and that one time we tried anal and she fell over in pain.
partime
Member
When I first lost my virginity.
It was a perfect scenario,
- Coeworker not allowed to date - Check
- Late Night - 2AM Check
- Public Setting - Managers apartment complex in outside Jacuzzi - Check
- Risky Sex - Check Check
Only problem,
The heated Jaccuzi water made it awfully hard to differentiate her V with the forceful jetstream...
Result: Pulled out and waited for a more appropriate moment
It was a perfect scenario,
- Coeworker not allowed to date - Check
- Late Night - 2AM Check
- Public Setting - Managers apartment complex in outside Jacuzzi - Check
- Risky Sex - Check Check
Only problem,
The heated Jaccuzi water made it awfully hard to differentiate her V with the forceful jetstream...
Result: Pulled out and waited for a more appropriate moment
Are you saying you fucked a jacuzzi?
perfectchaos007
Member
If the jacuzzi was on, then that would be almost impossible due to the force of the water pushing down your urethra. Thats got to be painful.
Very true. Then I don't know what he meant lol.
perfectchaos007
Member
If you put just about any part of your body near a water jet, your nerves will freak out and start to go numb. So perhaps his dick was close enough to the jet where it wasn't painful, but it was enough to throw off the sensory nerves so he couldn't "feel" where his dick was during sex. And thats a fairly important part of sex.
depths20XX
Member
No no, I think what he meant was he thought her vagina was jetting out water like the jacuzzi jet. It was his first time after all.
perfectchaos007
Member
I suppose your theory is plausible if he learned the basics of sex by watching videos of porn star Cytheria.
interactivemonodrama
Banned
My ex wanted me to wear a bag during mating, because she was disgusted with my face.
It was pretty awkward.
It was pretty awkward.
partime
Member
HA! It basically felt the same no matter if I was in, or out of her vagina, if that clears it up! Def. a turn off, and a bit confusing for my first time.
I had been at a bar for a while not expecting to get laid. I'd been doing a bunch of coke all night and chasing it with beer. Around 1am I get a call from a girl I had recently met asking me to come over and see her. So I finish off the back end of the 8-ball and head to her place.
I think we talked for a bit but then started making out and moved it to her bedroom. We begin having sex when all the drugs/alcohol begin to catch up with me. I feel like I'm about to throw up and ask her to give me a second. I actually stop in the middle of sex, run to her bathroom to throw up hoping to make it to her toilet; instead I hit her sink, mirror, and floor. I was so F'd up though, it didn't really even phase me. Without thinking twice I rinse my mouth full of water, go back out to her room, finish the deed, and then make some excuse why I have to leave and never look back.
For some reason, I never did speak to that fair maiden every again. Thank goodness that was a whole lifetime ago and I am no longer that guy. ugh.
I think we talked for a bit but then started making out and moved it to her bedroom. We begin having sex when all the drugs/alcohol begin to catch up with me. I feel like I'm about to throw up and ask her to give me a second. I actually stop in the middle of sex, run to her bathroom to throw up hoping to make it to her toilet; instead I hit her sink, mirror, and floor. I was so F'd up though, it didn't really even phase me. Without thinking twice I rinse my mouth full of water, go back out to her room, finish the deed, and then make some excuse why I have to leave and never look back.
For some reason, I never did speak to that fair maiden every again. Thank goodness that was a whole lifetime ago and I am no longer that guy. ugh.
perfectchaos007
Member
Thats what I figured. The water jets blasting your penis would numb the nerves quite a bit.
PhantomZone
Member
Some of these stories, holy cow haha
Lady friend and I wanted to have some fun in a car wash despite the fact that I've never been to one. I only had it in for a few seconds before soapy water came in from the small opening of my sunroof that I forgot to close. Being on top, my lady friend got drenched and hopped off immediately. A month later we had a good laugh about it but in the moment I was actually super disappointed despite the fact that it was her idea. Sort of makes me glad my new car doesn't have a sunroof.
Maybe not the worst I've ever gotten but it's definitely one of my funnier sex fails. My actual worst was discussed months ago in this thread. That one was rough.
Maybe not the worst I've ever gotten but it's definitely one of my funnier sex fails. My actual worst was discussed months ago in this thread. That one was rough.
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
I think this is because you're thinking about what you're doing too intently. Or you're just not enjoying it, but I find it's usually the former.
Mariah Carey
Member
This doesn't really count because we didn't make it all the way (which I'm thankful for looking back), but I was hanging out with a thirsty as hell white guy who kept blowing up my phone and since I was just coming out of a breakup I thought "why the hell not" even though he was kind of trailer trashy. We got drunk and when we made it back to his place he just kept droning on and on about his horrible family and although I sympathize I was like, "really dude?" and we started fooling around (just groping and stuff) just to get him to shut up...
...and the second my fingers graced his member he exploded all over my stomach. I hadn't even taken my bra off at that point! It was so gross. I ignored his texts and calls after that and he still blew my phone up for another half a year or so.
...and the second my fingers graced his member he exploded all over my stomach. I hadn't even taken my bra off at that point! It was so gross. I ignored his texts and calls after that and he still blew my phone up for another half a year or so.
Was it nick cannon?
Crimsonclaw111
Member
Probably Eminem.
lol this just about covers my feelings on the matter
Usually it was either I was thinking too much or working too hard at it (time to get fit!). But recently, the culprit has been the condom - well, the condom paired with my gf getting super wet to the point I don't get any friction going.
BlackNMild2k1
Member
I had a bad experience with an itty bitty titty committee member.
I wish she kept her bra on, at least then I could imagine what she was missing since her back wasn't the only thing laying flat. if ya know what i mean.
it didn't help that she had kinda short hair, and the lighting was not all that great....
I think you all can picture how that might have gone bad.
CarbonRevenge
Banned
Wouldn't know is all that I can say on the matter.
Deathmistress
Member
Goddamn. I haven't kept up since I posted, my loss. Holy fuck, people...I didn't know so much nastiness can happen to such a select few.
Worst sex as of recent: apparently my acne mask had left an odor on my face and my BF just lost the hard-on one kiss in. Epic fail, since I only use it once a month as a preventative method. Haven't used since. So fucking embarrassing for both parties. "Darling, I have loved you for 9 years but your face smells like sulfur and makes me want to vomit." Ouch, mofo. Can't be too mad since he made it up to me the next day, but that shit kills your self-esteem.
Ooh. Also, after Surlyfest this summer I got so drunk he had to help get my jeans off (because I was too drunk to manage on my own) and then halfway through, I broke through the blackout and had to go sleep on the bathroom rug. Super embarrassing since I think I only had like 4 beers.
Worst sex as of recent: apparently my acne mask had left an odor on my face and my BF just lost the hard-on one kiss in. Epic fail, since I only use it once a month as a preventative method. Haven't used since. So fucking embarrassing for both parties. "Darling, I have loved you for 9 years but your face smells like sulfur and makes me want to vomit." Ouch, mofo. Can't be too mad since he made it up to me the next day, but that shit kills your self-esteem.
Ooh. Also, after Surlyfest this summer I got so drunk he had to help get my jeans off (because I was too drunk to manage on my own) and then halfway through, I broke through the blackout and had to go sleep on the bathroom rug. Super embarrassing since I think I only had like 4 beers.
Buckethead
Banned
This marriage is going well.
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
Yeah, that won't last long.
Crumpet Trumpet
Banned
when he ejaculated in my eye :|
12/10
You get extra points for pretty much referencing how the affair between Eminem and Mariah actually played out. I'm not sure if that was intentional, but bravo.
I think mine would have to be when a buddy and me picked up two first year college students and went back to their dorm.
Once alone, my girl and I got naked and on the bed, at which point she put her arms by her side and laid there on her back, silent and unmoving.
I tried kissing and touching her, and I think even tried moving her hand onto my penis, but nothing prompted a reaction or sound.
After five minutes or so I figured she was young and maybe freaked out so I put on my clothes and left without a word.
Could have been worse. My friend caught chlamydia that night.
Once alone, my girl and I got naked and on the bed, at which point she put her arms by her side and laid there on her back, silent and unmoving.
I tried kissing and touching her, and I think even tried moving her hand onto my penis, but nothing prompted a reaction or sound.
After five minutes or so I figured she was young and maybe freaked out so I put on my clothes and left without a word.
Could have been worse. My friend caught chlamydia that night.
BigEvilTurtle
Banned
Could a female here on GAF explain this shit? Why does this happen?
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