DonkeyPunchJr
World’s Biggest Weeb
Hey guys, I have a confession to make. I am a former GameFAQs troll.
It started on the Wii U board. I was there because I was genuinely interested in the upcoming system and I wanted to learn more about it and talk with others who were also excited about it. But I quickly learned that the fanboys were even worse than the trolls that they so despised.
EVERY perceived slight, every tidbit of unflattering information, every negative rumor NEEDED to be responded to. Even if it was totally obvious that someone was just concern trolling, it couldn’t be ignored. Not only did it deserve a snarky response, but Team Nintendo needed to have the last word. What this meant was that the board was dominated by dipshits bickering with each other, going back and forth for page after page, forgetting what they were even arguing about, just trying to “win” the argument.
Even worse, the responses were usually not a defense of Nintendo per se. More often, it would just be a deliberate attempt to antagonize the other side (and that other side was usually Sony). “But Sony this” “But Sony that” “Sony had to sell their headquarters” “599 US dollars” “Lol PlayStation Vita” etc. Even if nobody had mentioned Sony up until that point, “but Sony” was the most common response to a negative Nintendo rumor.
Positive rumors, on the other hand, had to be hyped up to 11 and interpreted in the most hyperbolic way possible. One comedic example was when the Darksiders devs said something like “we are happy with the hardware, we didn’t have to make any compromises in order to bring Darksiders to Wii U”. One of the prominent fanboys there took that to mean “they have the PC version of Darksiders running on the Wii U dev kit at 1080p 60 FPS with all settings maxed out, PS3 and Xbox 360 can’t come close”. (I remember that quote because I eventually made it my signature).
Eventually I gave up. I realized it was impossible to have a civil, productive discussion on that site. Instead, it became a game in itself trying to rile people up and get as many responses as possible.
initially my troll persona was kind of a “party pooper” downplaying expectations in a derisive manner and mocking those who hyped it up to unreasonable levels. I saw myself as doing them a favor, bringing balance to the board.
Eventually I decided to be the ultimate parody of a GameFAQs Nintendo fanboy. I made it my job to repeat every flimsy or ridiculous pro-Nintendo argument I read on that board. “Wii U dev kits were intentionally down-clocked to see what devs could do, the final version will be more powerful” “Wii U is based on the same technology as IBM Watson” “it’s lazy developers who refuse to adapt to GPGPU programming” “EA stabbed them in the back” “ignorant consumers” “the Japanese Yen is too strong” “Playstation 4 will cost close to $1000” etc etc etc.
it was…. Actually pretty hilarious. The smartest people on both sides figured out what was going on and thought it was funny. They’d play along sometimes. Everybody else would take me seriously and either get in an argument with me (where I’d make progressively more ridiculous claims) or agree with me and make themselves look stupid.
So, thanks for reading. That’s how trolls are made. Any questions?
It started on the Wii U board. I was there because I was genuinely interested in the upcoming system and I wanted to learn more about it and talk with others who were also excited about it. But I quickly learned that the fanboys were even worse than the trolls that they so despised.
EVERY perceived slight, every tidbit of unflattering information, every negative rumor NEEDED to be responded to. Even if it was totally obvious that someone was just concern trolling, it couldn’t be ignored. Not only did it deserve a snarky response, but Team Nintendo needed to have the last word. What this meant was that the board was dominated by dipshits bickering with each other, going back and forth for page after page, forgetting what they were even arguing about, just trying to “win” the argument.
Even worse, the responses were usually not a defense of Nintendo per se. More often, it would just be a deliberate attempt to antagonize the other side (and that other side was usually Sony). “But Sony this” “But Sony that” “Sony had to sell their headquarters” “599 US dollars” “Lol PlayStation Vita” etc. Even if nobody had mentioned Sony up until that point, “but Sony” was the most common response to a negative Nintendo rumor.
Positive rumors, on the other hand, had to be hyped up to 11 and interpreted in the most hyperbolic way possible. One comedic example was when the Darksiders devs said something like “we are happy with the hardware, we didn’t have to make any compromises in order to bring Darksiders to Wii U”. One of the prominent fanboys there took that to mean “they have the PC version of Darksiders running on the Wii U dev kit at 1080p 60 FPS with all settings maxed out, PS3 and Xbox 360 can’t come close”. (I remember that quote because I eventually made it my signature).
Eventually I gave up. I realized it was impossible to have a civil, productive discussion on that site. Instead, it became a game in itself trying to rile people up and get as many responses as possible.
initially my troll persona was kind of a “party pooper” downplaying expectations in a derisive manner and mocking those who hyped it up to unreasonable levels. I saw myself as doing them a favor, bringing balance to the board.
Eventually I decided to be the ultimate parody of a GameFAQs Nintendo fanboy. I made it my job to repeat every flimsy or ridiculous pro-Nintendo argument I read on that board. “Wii U dev kits were intentionally down-clocked to see what devs could do, the final version will be more powerful” “Wii U is based on the same technology as IBM Watson” “it’s lazy developers who refuse to adapt to GPGPU programming” “EA stabbed them in the back” “ignorant consumers” “the Japanese Yen is too strong” “Playstation 4 will cost close to $1000” etc etc etc.
it was…. Actually pretty hilarious. The smartest people on both sides figured out what was going on and thought it was funny. They’d play along sometimes. Everybody else would take me seriously and either get in an argument with me (where I’d make progressively more ridiculous claims) or agree with me and make themselves look stupid.
So, thanks for reading. That’s how trolls are made. Any questions?