Fuck me.
It's been about eight years since I have met someone I liked and she seemingly liked me as much as I liked her. Lots of dates in between, lots of hookups but no one where it eventuate into a relationship of any sort of meaning. But last night there was a spark, as stupid as it sounds.
I met her at a bar, my mate brought her over after he started chatting to her and her friend. It's going great, she is funny and cute and we have a good laugh. She was there for a birthday party but didn't really like the girl whose party it was. So we talked for about a half hour and she goes to back to the party.
She comes back about half an hour later with her friend and some other guy. The other guy seemed like a good guy but was high on MDMA. I knew this because he told me this, and it was the reason he fell over the birthday girl with a glass of red wine, and these three took it as an opportunity to leave the party. The guy says he likes me so gives me an MDMA capsule. I haven't had one of these in years but used to take pills when I younger and started going out (early 2000s). I'm having a good time so decided to take the pill then and there.
The dude goes to the bar and the girl who I like says "I'm going to act like I am all over you, so that guy gets the message I don't like him". I'm fine with this. The dude comes back and we are laughing and she is standing real close I had my arm around her and was talking in her ear. The dude gets the message and leaves after a minute or two. She tells me she know the guy but doesn't like him because he is always high.
I'm thinking "fuck". Out of all the nights I decide to have some fun, I meet a girl who I like but I know won't like me when she sees I'm high too. I put that thought aside and keep chatting to her. It's going great, she is close and smiling, we have broken the physical barrier and really I probably should have kissed her by now.
She tells me that she is assertive and it puts a lot of guys off. I ask her how she means that and she says that she usually will tell a guy that she wants to go out on a date with him, to give him the message to ask her out. That's my cue. I ask her out on a date and she says "yes, of course". Then we talk about what to do on the date, we decide that going to a bar for a meal and drinks is a good idea. We start talking about the ideal second date. I told her I would like to cook for her, and she loves that idea. Then she brings up that on the third date she is paying for that, whatever we do.
This is on a fucking platter. However the drugs now start to kick in. I am starting to really get the body tingling and dry mouth and the lights are blurring. It feels great but I am losing my charm. I am getting paranoid that she is sensing this as my answers are getting shorter, I can't really hear exactly what she is saying now and my eyes are probably starting to look bent.
I go to the bathroom but am now really getting the buzz. I'm in the process of washing my hand and looking in the mirror when I realise I am pretty high and I convince myself She is going to know and probably lose interest. I decide the best course of action its to ghost out of the place without saying goodbye. It's a double edged sword, I still haven't got her number but on the other hand, she won't see me high.
I stumble out of the toilets and sneak/stumble out of the bar. It's not until I have walked halfway home, for about an hour, that I start to come down and realise I just fucked it up. My mate who was with me has been calling but i didn't answer as I know I would have to tell him I was high (he doesn't do or like drugs either).
What should I / can I do? I am hoping my mate at least got her friends number as there would then be some sort of way of getting in touch with her, but ihavent spoken to him yet (it's currently early morning after I met her). I reckon I could probably even find her on Facebook, but I'm no longer on it myself so would need to set up and account again.
I think I fucked it up. Fuck!
tl/dr - met a girl I really liked, asked her out on a date, she says yes, but then I walk away before getting her number because I have taken some drugs and didn't want her to see me high. Have I screwed it up?
