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[Miles Quaritch]

^ Maybe it's for the best I don't participate in online dating. I'm generally a sucker for a person who needs to vent and proud of it.

There's nothing wrong with being this type of person, but you have to be aware that some people will manipulate/use you for this as well as continually lead you on...So long as you're able to pick up on and cut off someone who is doing this over someone who is genuinely interested and just likes to talk/vent a lot, it should be all good.

The most thing to remember is that this shouldn't be happening before you've even met. You should have met and made a connection with someone before you head down that road.

 

[gwailo]

She sent me a message saying how she's in a bad place at the moment and doesn't want to bring me down with her...

Would I be stupid to offer chatting with her if she ever wanted to? Obviously she's not someone I'd go out with, but I'm generally pretty concerned for her well being now...

You have to watch out for scam artists that use that route. If they start crying about money, block them right away. It's probably some Nigerian or Russian dude trying to get all your bank info.

Even if "she" isn't, people that use that sort of language tend to be drama queen emotional vampires. Just avoid them.

 

[Llyranor]

Leave the therapy to the therapists.

 

[Zaraki_Kenpachi]

Leave the therapy to the therapists.

Yeah, you shouldn't be getting involved in things like that.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

^ Maybe it's for the best I don't participate in online dating. I'm generally a sucker for a person who needs to vent and proud of it.

That's fine just don't be a doormat

 

[ZackieChan]

^ Maybe it's for the best I don't participate in online dating. I'm generally a sucker for a person who needs to vent and proud of it.

Eh, I guess if you have no self control and are over invested in everyone you meet, it would be dangerous.

Or, it's a huge opportunity to meet people you would never meet IRL and you shouldn't be so quick to judge?

 

[demosthenes]

Nvm.

 

[GK86]

Friend wants the pipe.

 

[User 479360]

I didn't respond much. I thought about deleting her, but didn't know if that was the right play.

I still kind of like her, but I'm not sure of what to think about her.

 

[ZackieChan]

I didn't respond much. I thought about deleting her, but didn't know if that was the right play.

I still kind of like her, but I'm not sure of what to think about her.

The problem is that your replies don't leave openings for more conversation, you didn't specifically ask for another date, and that you expect her to be exclusive to you after two dates. When she says she's playing the field, you should say "play ball." And ask her to go out with you.

She could not have given you clearer signals on your date. But you didn't push forward, and you kept things very standoffish. Maybe you were trying to play it cool, but "cool" is when you communicate what you want. If you want to take her out again, you say so. Name a time and place. Be assertive.

 

[gwailo]

I still kind of like her, but I'm not sure of what to think about her.

She is being honest, which is refreshing and pretty rare when it comes to online dating.

Again, she was seeing other people because you are not showing anything back to her or demonstrating that you like her. It's one thing to be quiet/shy, it's another thing to be a rock.

I'm speaking from experience. I have dealt with depression (bad enough that I was in a lockdown psych ward after a suicide attempt that left me flatlined in the ER) since my teens and still see a therapist occasionally. If you don't open up, you are never going to find what you are looking for. It gets really easy to get into a self fulfilling "forever alone" cycle because though being alone can be miserable, at least it is something you know and are familiar with.

And it is NOT going to be a situation where you go on one date and you're magically with the person you will be with for the rest of your life. This seems to be a common theme for you. Dating and relationships take some effort, and I don't see you putting in any. If anything, you put in more effort into finding what's wrong and why you should bail. You are inflating things up so that the people you date will never meet that ideal.

If you're really that hung up by someone that you met online still dating other people when you've only been out a couple of times, maybe try going to Christian Mingle instead of OK Cupid.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

So I need lessons from my friend. I'm single a year and a half, he's single a few weeks, has one date with an interesting girl I also matched with on Tinder, and has spent the night.

It's okay to be jealous as long as I openly acknowledge it's filthy petty envy right...?

 

[Pasta_Soup]

So I need lessons from my friend. I'm single a year and a half, he's single a few weeks, has one date with an interesting girl I also matched with on Tinder, and has spent the night.

It's okay to be jealous as long as I openly acknowledge it's filthy petty envy right...?

Is this the same friend that took initiative in asking her out before you did?

If so, I'd suggest learning from it and skip the jealousy part. Be bold, be assertive, make your intentions clear from the get-go, and ask them out after several messages.

 

[vern]

So I need lessons from my friend. I'm single a year and a half, he's single a few weeks, has one date with an interesting girl I also matched with on Tinder, and has spent the night.

It's okay to be jealous as long as I openly acknowledge it's filthy petty envy right...?

I would say it's not ok, unless that petty envy motivates you to be better than you were the day before.

In my life negative things don't really help, but I know some people use them as motivation. I usually kick out the negative and find the positive. For example, you matched an attractive girl and talked to her. Didn't secure the date but still did better than nothing. Now maybe look at what your friend did emulate some of those things? You are in a unique position to learn since you both met the same girl in the same way.. Maybe he can screenshot his convo from the first few messages and send to you. Then you go back and look at yours and see where you you went wrong. This is a more productive measure than being jealous imo.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

So I need lessons from my friend. I'm single a year and a half, he's single a few weeks, has one date with an interesting girl I also matched with on Tinder, and has spent the night.

It's okay to be jealous as long as I openly acknowledge it's filthy petty envy right...?

Envy and jealousy aren't the same thing for one. But anyway. Envy shouldnt consume you but if you use it to motivate yourself its not the worst thing ever.

 

[User 479360]

My friend who has a boyfriend (who lives in another country, but they visit each other a few times a year or so) keeps hitting on me. I ended up saying no when she asked to be friends with benefits before, because of her boyfriend, and didn't act when she came on to me at my house one day (we hang out a lot and confide in each other. It's a bit of a strange relationship.) However, I broke the other day when she agreed to let me act out my fetish and then blew me.

It's hard not to want to do things with her, but I feel bad.

 

[vern]

My friend who has a boyfriend (who lives in another country, but they visit each other a few times a year or so) keeps hitting on me. I ended up saying no when she asked to be friends with benefits before, because of her boyfriend, and didn't act when she came on to me at my house one day (we hang out a lot and confide in each other. It's a bit of a strange relationship.) However, I broke the other day when she agreed to let me act out my fetish and then blew me.

It's hard not to want to do things with her, but I feel bad.

Love that this is in the dating thread 😏 Will she buy you Burger King next time?

 

[User 479360]

Love that this is in the dating thread 😏 Will she buy you Burger King next time?

Huh?

 

[Llyranor]

Well, at the end of the day, you make your own choices. So either you enable the cheating friend, or you don't enable the cheating friend. Feeling 'bad' about it doesn't change the situation.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

So I need lessons from my friend. I'm single a year and a half, he's single a few weeks, has one date with an interesting girl I also matched with on Tinder, and has spent the night.

It's okay to be jealous as long as I openly acknowledge it's filthy petty envy right...?

You're still hung up on this?

You don't seem to have learned any lessons from what your friend did. Stop being jealous, don't be envious, learn to be more proactive and take the initiative next time.

 

[vern]

Huh?

It's not really dating I guess if that's the part you are "huh" ing. But I don't mind I hope no one else does. It's good stuff. Fascinating.

If the "huh" was for the buying you BK I asked because you usually mention when girls pay for the date or whatever. I didn't wanna miss that detail if next time she comes for fetish and bj.

Anyway it's all good, don't take any of it the wrong way! I honestly enjoy reading your stories!

 

[gwailo]

My friend who has a boyfriend (who lives in another country, but they visit each other a few times a year or so) keeps hitting on me. I ended up saying no when she asked to be friends with benefits before, because of her boyfriend, and didn't act when she came on to me at my house one day (we hang out a lot and confide in each other. It's a bit of a strange relationship.) However, I broke the other day when she agreed to let me act out my fetish and then blew me.

It's hard not to want to do things with her, but I feel bad.

So you're hung up with someone that you met online who isn't exclusive to you after two dates because she is dating other people, but you're cool with helping a "friend" cheat?

 

[stn]

Huh?

I think he's just cracking a joke since your stories are always detailed when it comes to where you ate, who paid, how much was paid, etc...

 

[JoJoShabadoo]

My friend who has a boyfriend (who lives in another country, but they visit each other a few times a year or so) keeps hitting on me. I ended up saying no when she asked to be friends with benefits before, because of her boyfriend, and didn't act when she came on to me at my house one day (we hang out a lot and confide in each other. It's a bit of a strange relationship.) However, I broke the other day when she agreed to let me act out my fetish and then blew me.

It's hard not to want to do things with her, but I feel bad.

IMO, you're fine. It takes two to tango, in this case it being a long distance relationship where they see each other only a number of times per year, how serious could it be? Maybe he's doing the same.

As long as you're not taking advantage of her being vulnerable (e.g. her saying she's conflicted and you taking action) but rather she's actively seeking it as seems to be the case, and as long as her boyfriend isn't a friend of yours, I don't think you should have too much of a guilty conscience.

 

[backflip10019]

My friend who has a boyfriend (who lives in another country, but they visit each other a few times a year or so) keeps hitting on me. I ended up saying no when she asked to be friends with benefits before, because of her boyfriend, and didn't act when she came on to me at my house one day (we hang out a lot and confide in each other. It's a bit of a strange relationship.) However, I broke the other day when she agreed to let me act out my fetish and then blew me.

It's hard not to want to do things with her, but I feel bad.

Depends on what your fetish was.

Spoiler

What was your fetish?

 

[Afrocious]

Took about a month off of dating apps. I think I talked about it in this thread where I was getting bored of them and how I wasn't meeting anyone I was into.

Been using Tinder for the past day or two. I still have my OKC account but I don't use it much - there's too much thought involved with OKC to me and I find it tiresome nowadays.

Yesterday, I got matched with this girl on Tinder. I think she's cute. She had a pic of her with a goat, and another of her posing silhouetted on a beach. We apparently have 53 connections so we basically know the same folks from college. Because I'm lame, I figured I'd hop on Facebook and check on one of our connections, and then check their friend list. I found the girl using only her first name. That's all I did though </creepy>

Anyway, I asked her if she works on a farm. She said I could say she's with cows a lot and then asks about what I do.

I say how different that is (I don't hear a lot of people say they're with cows a lot). I say I'm a software engineer and that I assume I do less smelly work.

We end up talking a bit about how she's a vet student and how she had to put a catheter in a dog's nose today. She also asked what my major was. I told her mine, and then she told me her's, which was sociology.

I made a joke about how that was so far removed from putting straws up a dog's nose and asked how she got there. She immediately gave me her number and explained it would be too long to text her answer out.

Because I was on the phone with a friend at the time, and how this was about midnight, I told her what I was doing and said I'd call her around 7p today after work. I also added she'll have a good 5 hours to explain everything. She said it sounds like a plan.

I'm not used to getting phone numbers without outright asking or giving mine first, so this was new. Perhaps it's the suit bathroom selfie I have >.>

 

[backflip10019]

Good work, dude. Sounds like you're doing everything the right way. Just take it easy, don't put too much pressure on this. Sounds like a good match so far.

 

[User 479360]

IMO, you're fine. It takes two to tango, in this case it being a long distance relationship where they see each other only a number of times per year, how serious could it be? Maybe he's doing the same.

As long as you're not taking advantage of her being vulnerable (e.g. her saying she's conflicted and you taking action) but rather she's actively seeking it as seems to be the case, and as long as her boyfriend isn't a friend of yours, I don't think you should have too much of a guilty conscience.

I'm not at all. She's been cheating with someone else, and I didn't know about that until before we did anything.

She's going to do it anyways.

I feel bad, though. We've only done that one thing, but still.

Depends on what your fetish was.

Spoiler

What was your fetish?

Haircutting

It's not really dating I guess if that's the part you are "huh" ing. But I don't mind I hope no one else does. It's good stuff. Fascinating.

If the "huh" was for the buying you BK I asked because you usually mention when girls pay for the date or whatever. I didn't wanna miss that detail if next time she comes for fetish and bj.

Anyway it's all good, don't take any of it the wrong way! I honestly enjoy reading your stories!

Sorry if I came off rudely, as well. I thought you were just kidding about a past date where we went to BK and talked after a movie.

But I didn't know how to take it.

So you're hung up with someone that you met online who isn't exclusive to you after two dates because she is dating other people, but you're cool with helping a "friend" cheat?

It happened. I had a hard time controlling myself on the third advance. I'm not proud of it.

 

[ZackieChan]

Depends on what your fetish was.

Spoiler

What was your fetish?

Spoiler

I bet she trimmed his pubes

 

[Kurtofan]

i"ve been wanting to talk to her for weeks but i can't muster any courage, the idea makes me sick.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

i"ve been wanting to talk to her for weeks but i can't muster any courage, the idea makes me sick.

You have to do this, Kurto. You can't leave it any longer, talk to her by Monday. No excuses. You have to do this otherwise it's going to beckne a major obstacle not only now and with this person, but in future with others too.

 

[User 479360]

Spoiler

I bet she trimmed his pubes

Haha, no.

 

[Kurtofan]

You have to do this, Kurto. You can't leave it any longer, talk to her by Monday. No excuses. You have to do this otherwise it's going to beckne a major obstacle not only now and with this person, but in future with others too.

yeah it's not the first time this happens, never been able to engage conversation with someone i was attracted to. it's really hard to live with this.

the problem is ill find excuses and reasons why talking to someone i barely know is nonsense, so ill rationalize it then and regret it later.

 

[thecheese]

I need some extra opinions on an exchange I had with a girl on Tinder.

I get matched with someone I find very attractive, and so we chat for about a week. I start feeling really good about her and feel like we are getting along really nicely.

But at one point I ask her, "So what do you like to do? What are your interests?" She responds with, "Well I have sooo many interests, lol too many. It's like I'm 8 people in 1."

I reply, "Wow, 8 for the price of 1? Looks like I'm getting a great deal here!."

Then she says, "Umm, not sure what you meant by that but ok..."

I go on to try and explain that I was just having some fun and joking, but she never talked to me again.

Communicating with women (especially via online dating) is something I will never understand. There are hits and misses as I talk with different women (mainly misses), and what I try to do is establish a fundamental foundation for how I should communicate based on my prior mistakes and successes. But with almost every unique interaction, that foundation goes completely out the window. I guess that's my problem though- looking for a "secret sauce" that I can apply to all women. Like a foundational sense of humor, or way of speaking... At the very least, some sort of consistency so I can make sense of it but it's no use.

 

[User 479360]

My friend came back to visit, because he's laid off. He said that he's gotten tons of matches on Tinder since arriving back home.

Good for him, but it's frustrating given my lack of luck. He's not the best looking guy, but he does well.

EDIT: He went to Panama recently, and said it was the same. Matches left, right and center.

 

[Dryk]

yeah it's not the first time this happens, never been able to engage conversation with someone i was attracted to. it's really hard to live with this.

the problem is ill find excuses and reasons why talking to someone i barely know is nonsense, so ill rationalize it then and regret it later.

I'm often the same. I resolved to talk to that girl I see on the bus (thanks guys) but I haven't actually run into her outside of her work since.

 

[Astral]

I need help. Probably professional help or something. My last girlfriend (who was also my first girlfriend) cheated on me and I still haven't gotten over it somehow. I still look back at it and wonder if I did something wrong. Something stupid I did was continue talking to her when she went to him, after they had an enormous fight. I took advantage of it. We talked everyday, said we loved each other, sexted, had phone sex, etc. She stopped seeing him but was still trying to patch things up with him. I told her I wanted her back and she would just tell me she wished she was with me too but she couldn't be because of him. She was still in love with him. And yet I still kept talking to her hoping she'd fall for me again.

One of our last fights was about how some super cuuuuuuute (her words) guy kept hitting on her at work and bought her food and shit. She kept telling how cute he was over and over again and how the only deal breaker was his teeth (he smoked) and how she kept hoping he would keep showing up. She told me how if he made a move on her she wouldn't mind because it only counts if she makes one back. It pissed me off. I didn't understand the point of telling me all this. She knew it got me jealous so was it that? Was it to test me and see if I actually believed her and to see how much I didn't trust her? According to her it was just to make me laugh because I should know that she'd never do any of that. So when I called her out on being childish and stupid she got pissed at me because I should know she wouldn't do that. This was just one instance. This relationship fucked me up. My self-esteem and confidence is down to shit and I'm always wondering if it was my fault we didn't work out. Was I wrong in that argument? Was she not being childish and immature? Was I supposed to just laugh it off and forget about it? I can't stop thinking about shit like that. I'm pretty sure I've developed trust issues.

 

[P3P5I]

I need some extra opinions on an exchange I had with a girl on Tinder.

I get matched with someone I find very attractive, and so we chat for about a week. I start feeling really good about her and feel like we are getting along really nicely.

But at one point I ask her, "So what do you like to do? What are your interests?" She responds with, "Well I have sooo many interests, lol too many. It's like I'm 8 people in 1."

I reply, "Wow, 8 for the price of 1? Looks like I'm getting a great deal here!."

Then she says, "Umm, not sure what you meant by that but ok..."

I go on to try and explain that I was just having some fun and joking, but she never talked to me again.

Communicating with women (especially via online dating) is something I will never understand. There are hits and misses as I talk with different women (mainly misses), and what I try to do is establish a fundamental foundation for how I should communicate based on my prior mistakes and successes. But with almost every unique interaction, that foundation goes completely out the window. I guess that's my problem though- looking for a "secret sauce" that I can apply to all women. Like a foundational sense of humor, or way of speaking... At the very least, some sort of consistency so I can make sense of it but it's no use.

Sounds like your senses of humor were too different from each other. I can see how she took it the way she did, but I thought it was a funny reply! If you want to make her laugh, write whatever would make you laugh. That way you can see how your senses of humor (and more in general, your personalities) mesh.

 

[family_guy]

I need some extra opinions on an exchange I had with a girl on Tinder.

I get matched with someone I find very attractive, and so we chat for about a week. I start feeling really good about her and feel like we are getting along really nicely.

But at one point I ask her, "So what do you like to do? What are your interests?" She responds with, "Well I have sooo many interests, lol too many. It's like I'm 8 people in 1."

I reply, "Wow, 8 for the price of 1? Looks like I'm getting a great deal here!."

Then she says, "Umm, not sure what you meant by that but ok..."

I go on to try and explain that I was just having some fun and joking, but she never talked to me again.

Communicating with women (especially via online dating) is something I will never understand. There are hits and misses as I talk with different women (mainly misses), and what I try to do is establish a fundamental foundation for how I should communicate based on my prior mistakes and successes. But with almost every unique interaction, that foundation goes completely out the window. I guess that's my problem though- looking for a "secret sauce" that I can apply to all women. Like a foundational sense of humor, or way of speaking... At the very least, some sort of consistency so I can make sense of it but it's no use.

Since women have so many options with online dating they will often look for any little reason to next you so they can get to the next one in the queue. There's no one trick that works with all of them and you could have the personality of a rock and still get dates if you're good looking enough. Don't feel bad if you don't feel like your making any headway. The ones who are so quickly dismissive are probably ones that wouldn't have worked out long term anyway.

 

[P3P5I]

She knew it got me jealous so was it that?... Was I wrong in that argument?

The answer to the first question is yes and the second is hell no. That girl sounds crazy and you were 100% without a doubt in the right for getting pissed off. I would too. That's some messed up stuff. Just take comfort in the fact she's likely going to end up with someone as terrible as her. Also if you feel you need it seek therapy. That sounds like one doozy of a relationship.

Also on an unrelated note, isn't the thread page limit 300?

 

[ZackieChan]

The answer to the first question is yes and the second is hell no. That girl sounds crazy and you were 100% without a doubt in the right for getting pissed off. I would too. That's some messed up stuff. Just take comfort in the fact she's likely going to end up with someone as terrible as her. Also if you feel you need it seek therapy. That sounds like one doozy of a relationship.

Also on an unrelated note, isn't the thread page limit 300?

We only on page 150, homey

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I need some extra opinions on an exchange I had with a girl on Tinder.

I get matched with someone I find very attractive, and so we chat for about a week. I start feeling really good about her and feel like we are getting along really nicely.

But at one point I ask her, "So what do you like to do? What are your interests?" She responds with, "Well I have sooo many interests, lol too many. It's like I'm 8 people in 1."

I reply, "Wow, 8 for the price of 1? Looks like I'm getting a great deal here!."

Then she says, "Umm, not sure what you meant by that but ok..."

I go on to try and explain that I was just having some fun and joking, but she never talked to me again.

Communicating with women (especially via online dating) is something I will never understand. There are hits and misses as I talk with different women (mainly misses), and what I try to do is establish a fundamental foundation for how I should communicate based on my prior mistakes and successes. But with almost every unique interaction, that foundation goes completely out the window. I guess that's my problem though- looking for a "secret sauce" that I can apply to all women. Like a foundational sense of humor, or way of speaking... At the very least, some sort of consistency so I can make sense of it but it's no use.

You talked for a week before bringing up what she does and likes. At that point you should've asked her out and brought up that topic later. She saw something she didn't like and stopped responding. Normally it shouldn't bother you but you felt invested because she was cute and you'd been talking for some time.

It's unfortunate but next time don't wait so long to ask someone out.

 

[Llyranor]

I need some extra opinions on an exchange I had with a girl on Tinder.

I get matched with someone I find very attractive, and so we chat for about a week. I start feeling really good about her and feel like we are getting along really nicely.

But at one point I ask her, "So what do you like to do? What are your interests?" She responds with, "Well I have sooo many interests, lol too many. It's like I'm 8 people in 1."

I reply, "Wow, 8 for the price of 1? Looks like I'm getting a great deal here!."

Then she says, "Umm, not sure what you meant by that but ok..."

I go on to try and explain that I was just having some fun and joking, but she never talked to me again.

Communicating with women (especially via online dating) is something I will never understand. There are hits and misses as I talk with different women (mainly misses), and what I try to do is establish a fundamental foundation for how I should communicate based on my prior mistakes and successes. But with almost every unique interaction, that foundation goes completely out the window. I guess that's my problem though- looking for a "secret sauce" that I can apply to all women. Like a foundational sense of humor, or way of speaking... At the very least, some sort of consistency so I can make sense of it but it's no use.

Here's the secret sauce you can apply to all women: be yourself, don't apologize for your sense of humor, and don't walk on eggshells for anyone. Once you meet that someone with whom your personality and sense of humor connect so well, you'll wonder why you ever bothered trying to be someone else for just some girl. Besides, if dumb trivial things are 'dealbreakers', you are saving yourself trouble in the long run.

I need help. Probably professional help or something. My last girlfriend (who was also my first girlfriend) cheated on me and I still haven't gotten over it somehow. I still look back at it and wonder if I did something wrong. Something stupid I did was continue talking to her when she went to him, after they had an enormous fight. I took advantage of it. We talked everyday, said we loved each other, sexted, had phone sex, etc. She stopped seeing him but was still trying to patch things up with him. I told her I wanted her back and she would just tell me she wished she was with me too but she couldn't be because of him. She was still in love with him. And yet I still kept talking to her hoping she'd fall for me again.

One of our last fights was about how some super cuuuuuuute (her words) guy kept hitting on her at work and bought her food and shit. She kept telling how cute he was over and over again and how the only deal breaker was his teeth (he smoked) and how she kept hoping he would keep showing up. She told me how if he made a move on her she wouldn't mind because it only counts if she makes one back. It pissed me off. I didn't understand the point of telling me all this. She knew it got me jealous so was it that? Was it to test me and see if I actually believed her and to see how much I didn't trust her? According to her it was just to make me laugh because I should know that she'd never do any of that. So when I called her out on being childish and stupid she got pissed at me because I should know she wouldn't do that. This was just one instance. This relationship fucked me up. My self-esteem and confidence is down to shit and I'm always wondering if it was my fault we didn't work out. Was I wrong in that argument? Was she not being childish and immature? Was I supposed to just laugh it off and forget about it? I can't stop thinking about shit like that. I'm pretty sure I've developed trust issues.

She was toying with you. And it worked because you let her.

Also, the only person who did something wrong is the cheater. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe the relationship wasn't going great, maybe things were going to end anyway, but there is nothing fundamentally wrong you did that would have justified the cheating. She cheated because she is a despicable person who cheats. End of story.

 

[Dryk]

Also, the only person who did something wrong is the cheater. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe the relationship wasn't going great, maybe things were going to end anyway, but there is nothing fundamentally wrong you did that would have justified the cheating. She cheated because she is a despicable person who cheats. End of story.

I can agree with this

 

[Astral]

Thanks guys. I just needed reassurance I guess. Whenever she did that, I don't think she was doing it out of malice or anything like that. I think she just thought it was fun. Regardless, it's really immature imo and a huge turn-off.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

yeah it's not the first time this happens, never been able to engage conversation with someone i was attracted to. it's really hard to live with this.

the problem is ill find excuses and reasons why talking to someone i barely know is nonsense, so ill rationalize it then and regret it later.

Well this is clearly something you need to work on and you know what the problem. See this person you like as the first step in working through this issue. You may crash and burn, but so what? At least you tried and you'll do better the next tine.

I need some extra opinions on an exchange I had with a girl on Tinder.

I get matched with someone I find very attractive, and so we chat for about a week. I start feeling really good about her and feel like we are getting along really nicely.

But at one point I ask her, "So what do you like to do? What are your interests?" She responds with, "Well I have sooo many interests, lol too many. It's like I'm 8 people in 1."

I reply, "Wow, 8 for the price of 1? Looks like I'm getting a great deal here!."

Then she says, "Umm, not sure what you meant by that but ok..."

I go on to try and explain that I was just having some fun and joking, but she never talked to me again.

Communicating with women (especially via online dating) is something I will never understand. There are hits and misses as I talk with different women (mainly misses), and what I try to do is establish a fundamental foundation for how I should communicate based on my prior mistakes and successes. But with almost every unique interaction, that foundation goes completely out the window. I guess that's my problem though- looking for a "secret sauce" that I can apply to all women. Like a foundational sense of humor, or way of speaking... At the very least, some sort of consistency so I can make sense of it but it's no use.

Any reason why you were still talking on tinder a week later and why you hadn't set up dates/taken the conversation off site?

Sounds like she may have liked you but you waited too long and used the joke as an excuse to bail and talk to the next guy, who has mostly likely already asked her out on a date...

Tinder isn't a messaging service. It's there to meet people, to hook up and set up dates. You shouldn't be talking to someone on there for a week. Ever.

 

[bluethree]

Tinder isn't a messaging service. It's there to meet people, to hook up and set up dates. You shouldn't be talking to someone on there for a week. Ever.

Many people where I live are genuinely really busy and a lot of the tinder convos I have are at the rate of one or two messages a day But I definitely agree with the general point here.

 

[thecheese]

Any reason why you were still talking on tinder a week later and why you hadn't set up dates/taken the conversation off site?

Sounds like she may have liked you but you waited too long and used the joke as an excuse to bail and talk to the next guy, who has mostly likely already asked her out on a date...

Tinder isn't a messaging service. It's there to meet people, to hook up and set up dates. You shouldn't be talking to someone on there for a week. Ever.

A week is usually how long I chat with someone before asking them out, so that could very well be my problem. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Looking back I really am not specific enough and too wishy-washy when asking girls out. This is something I'm trying to deal with.

 

[ZackieChan]

Looking back I really am not specific enough and too wishy-washy when asking girls out. This is something I'm trying to deal with.

It isn't really difficult to change once you realize it. Don't "try" to deal with it - just change. You're being wishy-washy again!