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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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I don't want to create a Facebook account, so Tinder is unfortunately no option. I hadn't heard of the other two before, but I just learned that both of them require Facebook as well. Damn.
Yeah it's not the greatest thing that you have to link and pull information and pictures by linking to facebook.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Why are you so against a facebook account?
Etrian Oddity
Member
Tinder's useless unless you're handsome
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Etrian Oddity
Member
You have enough text room for like, one sentence. It's by far the most aesthetics-driven dating app.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Sure... But what are you considering handsome exactly? It's not like you need to be a model or something to have success on their.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
It is, but it is also the quickest from first message to first date, which means you can get to the point where you dazzle them with your repartee most quickly.
There are plenty of less typically-beautiful or overweight girls on tinder... I doubt you are as not-handsome as you suggest, either.
No it's not. What you need is a great photo, which I got by chance on a New Year's party two years ago. I'm far from good looking, perhaps average I guess but not more than that, and I've had definite success with Tinder. Before getting Tinder at 22 I had never kissed a girl, and a few months later I had sex for the first time with a Tinder date. That is after countless of failed attempts of pulling someone home from the club, mostly because I thought I wasn't good looking enough. Apparently I was for some people as Tinder would suggest, though also I think I'm pretty charismatic which is something you can't really show in the club in the same way as a one on one date.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
If I had a social life then Tinder would be viable for me. No social life=no good pictures. The sad thing is that I have started working in retail and I've talked to more people in 2 days than I have in the past 6 months. Really failing to click with people for some reason.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Eh, even the picture thing is overblown. Better pictures are obviuosly better but I have a selfie of me in my car and a picture of me smiling at something while not looking at the camera at a zoo and I still get responses. I have 3 sentences in the little blurb thing, what my degree is in, what job I have and I enjoy doing x, y, and z. So yeah, I'm not putting in much effort and still get dates, obviously the more effort you put in the more dates you get.but it's not like you need some perfect picture that every sweats about so much.
I care about privacy too much.
I guess that's an option? Not sure.
Apart from personal data like the first name, the age and the location, what kind of data does Tinder use? Or to put it differently, what kind of information should I enter at Facebook? Looking at screenshots, Tinder seems to display the university and the current job below one's name, so that's something I should probably include. Anything else?
This sounds pretty encouraging.
..but then again, I don't have a social life either, so the only pictures I could upload are selfies taken at home.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Then again, I had a really cute girl who liked me on OkCupid even though my picture didn't have much effort put into it.
I have five photos for tinder. One of my dogs, one of a painting I did, one selfie and two of celebration parties (my bday and my homeboy's engagement party). I barely have pictures of my social life. I'm sure you can muster something up.
All you need to enter on facebook is your first name (you can make up a last name for Facebook, tinder doesn't display it) and age.
Your location is taken care of by Tinder.
You can even make a private album on Facebook, load up your photos in it, so that nobody can see your photos outside of tinder.
You don't need your job, school, interests on tinder. I don't put those in mine.
ZackieChan
Member
You don't have to have all that stuff filled out. Just make one with your name and upload your pics.
About photos, you need to work on having a social life first. Going on Tinder won't solve that. As I and others have pointed out as nauseum in this thread, you need to make yourself and interesting person and someone who others want to date. Whether that means going out and taking part in interesting hobbies, traveling, playing an instrument, or whatever - you need to answer the question "would I date me"?
Selfies of you sitting around your apartment aren't going to get you very far, unless you are super handsome. Good looking photos taken while out in the world doing something, OTOH, can work wonders for someone who isn't as good looking. Because at the end of the day, your ability to carry on a conversation about interesting things on that first date is going to matter a lot.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Live up to your name.
ZackieChan
Member
Ayyy lmao. But true.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I swiped very unpicky on Tinder for 9 months, routinely changing/updating pictures to be more flattering/attractive to myself, and never got a single date from it.
Guess your mileage varies. OKC? Yes, I at least get the occasional meetup from that. Literally not one single from Tinder in almost an entire year in a very popular metropolis with a huge young demographic. Not one.
Guess your mileage varies. OKC? Yes, I at least get the occasional meetup from that. Literally not one single from Tinder in almost an entire year in a very popular metropolis with a huge young demographic. Not one.
That's helpful, thanks.
I'm trying. But my social anxiety, which is a whole story in itself and something I'd rather not expand on in this thread, doesn't make it easy.
Why yes, the irony of my username is not lost on me. Back then when I signed up here, the name was still fitting.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
One question, not asked with malice or meant to injure: are you ready to date? (I wasn't, after my divorce, for a long time.) Only you can answer that. I wish you the best in your pursuits.
. . . Meanwhile, in my dating life, I visited my girlfriend's last night, left to get a toolset so I could hang some shelves, and found that my stomach bug had gotten worse. Went home and woke up at 2pm. But I finished the shelving. That's what you have to look forward to!
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
It's your first name and two or three pictures. What privacy is facebook going to steal from you that you're not willingly putting out on the internet by using dating services?
What? It's not. Where did you take this from?
I was referring to the "going out and get a social life" part.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Post-college, it's socializing outside of work and bars that's the biggest challenge, I find. I'm not an athletic guy so a big portion of the Meetups here are not really up my alley (volleyball, flag football, etc).
I work downtown so I can always get a drink at happy hour... but I just don't feel like the bar is the place for women, at my age. Even when I was younger, I never imagined my chances as very successful at bars (where cold approaches are pretty worthless)
I work downtown so I can always get a drink at happy hour... but I just don't feel like the bar is the place for women, at my age. Even when I was younger, I never imagined my chances as very successful at bars (where cold approaches are pretty worthless)
ZackieChan
Member
The point still stands, though. Social anxiety can't be helpful in dating, I'd imagine. Always need to get yourself right first.
Dude I didn't get a meet-up ever through online dating even though having tried everything. For some people it works, for others it does not. Going to a foreign country might help things big times though since people are more open for travelers etc.
Cold approaches can work though, you can also use them to make friends and let them help you do 'warm' approaches (introducing you to friends).
this is exactly why I love online dating despite the headaches - I'm much better at dealing with people one on one and get far better results this way.
Royal_Phalanx
Member
Feel like taking a working holiday to Australia for a year or two. Post-college life is so boring, still haven't found a way to bring some excitement back into everything. All I do now is wake up, work, come back, play video games and sleep. Should be one hell of an experience (I hope). Making friends in 'real life' is hard as hell, been going to a lot of meetup events lately, and I do martial arts every week and I click with nobody. Want to give salsa a shot, now that I am not a NEET anymore and can make money.
Hey guys, it has been awhile but last time I posted here I had a story about my religious GF about 10ish pages ago, some of you gave me very good tips and told me I should talk to her again. So I did last week, and here is what happened (here is my original post for those who are interested: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=199471720&postcount=14825)
so, I couldn't wait until the end of the semester to talk to her about it . I ended up telling her on FB how she was making me sad and lost, and then she follwoed with some huge hysteria ( stuff like '' omg I thought we were going so well, please we will talk about whats bugging you dont leave me, please don't hurt me... you see the kind) which made me feel reallllly bad.
So at the end of the week I meet with her in a room at school with only us 2. After awhile she looks at me and shes like '' Whales, please tell me what is wrong''
And so I go next to her and I start talking about how I had a problem with the fact she could never tell me she loved me and how I feel like just a good friend to her and nothing else. We start talking, and in the end I also tell her I seriously did not see myself marrying a women who won't even touch me even after 1 year we've been together, and that if she can't do it now I can't see how she'd magically do it after marriage. She ended up telling me '' you know i'm religious and you are too, this isn't good, we should not be hugging and kissing and you know it.... You will have what you want after we get married I can promise it''. After that, we talked a little bit more about ourselves, and then we left. I decided I was still gonna stay with her because I really love her and I just couldn't bring myself to quit just because of this.
Fast forward 1 week later ( and she has been acting like this for 3 weeks now) and holy crap, she is pretty much hugging me and holding my hand everytime we are together. I have no clue what happened with her but it's like she's a whole new person. When we are alone she is not shy anymore and she will come next to me to start sleeping on my shoulder, or hug me, or give me a kiss on the cheek. It's like she started loving me 50x more for some reason. I'm happy
Anyway, in the end it looks like everything is good now, and I just wanted to thank GAF for the little tips I was given. thank you all!!
so, I couldn't wait until the end of the semester to talk to her about it . I ended up telling her on FB how she was making me sad and lost, and then she follwoed with some huge hysteria ( stuff like '' omg I thought we were going so well, please we will talk about whats bugging you dont leave me, please don't hurt me... you see the kind) which made me feel reallllly bad.
So at the end of the week I meet with her in a room at school with only us 2. After awhile she looks at me and shes like '' Whales, please tell me what is wrong''
And so I go next to her and I start talking about how I had a problem with the fact she could never tell me she loved me and how I feel like just a good friend to her and nothing else. We start talking, and in the end I also tell her I seriously did not see myself marrying a women who won't even touch me even after 1 year we've been together, and that if she can't do it now I can't see how she'd magically do it after marriage. She ended up telling me '' you know i'm religious and you are too, this isn't good, we should not be hugging and kissing and you know it.... You will have what you want after we get married I can promise it''. After that, we talked a little bit more about ourselves, and then we left. I decided I was still gonna stay with her because I really love her and I just couldn't bring myself to quit just because of this.
Fast forward 1 week later ( and she has been acting like this for 3 weeks now) and holy crap, she is pretty much hugging me and holding my hand everytime we are together. I have no clue what happened with her but it's like she's a whole new person. When we are alone she is not shy anymore and she will come next to me to start sleeping on my shoulder, or hug me, or give me a kiss on the cheek. It's like she started loving me 50x more for some reason. I'm happy
Anyway, in the end it looks like everything is good now, and I just wanted to thank GAF for the little tips I was given. thank you all!!
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Hey guys, it has been awhile but last time I posted here I had a story about my religious GF about 10ish pages ago, some of you gave me very good tips and told me I should talk to her again. So I did last week, and here is what happened (here is my original post for those who are interested: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=199471720&postcount=14825)
so, I couldn't wait until the end of the semester to talk to her about it . I ended up telling her on FB how she was making me sad and lost, and then she follwoed with some huge hysteria ( stuff like '' omg I thought we were going so well, please we will talk about whats bugging you dont leave me, please don't hurt me... you see the kind) which made me feel reallllly bad.
So at the end of the week I meet with her in a room at school with only us 2. After awhile she looks at me and shes like '' Whales, please tell me what is wrong''
And so I go next to her and I start talking about how I had a problem with the fact she could never tell me she loved me and how I feel like just a good friend to her and nothing else. We start talking, and in the end I also tell her I seriously did not see myself marrying a women who won't even touch me even after 1 year we've been together, and that if she can't do it now I can't see how she'd magically do it after marriage. She ended up telling me '' you know i'm religious and you are too, this isn't good, we should not be hugging and kissing and you know it.... You will have what you want after we get married I can promise it''. After that, we talked a little bit more about ourselves, and then we left. I decided I was still gonna stay with her because I really love her and I just couldn't bring myself to quit just because of this.
Fast forward 1 week later ( and she has been acting like this for 3 weeks now) and holy crap, she is pretty much hugging me and holding my hand everytime we are together. I have no clue what happened with her but it's like she's a whole new person. When we are alone she is not shy anymore and she will come next to me to start sleeping on my shoulder, or hug me, or give me a kiss on the cheek. It's like she started loving me 50x more for some reason. I'm happy
Anyway, in the end it looks like everything is good now, and I just wanted to thank GAF for the little tips I was given. thank you all!!
Are you actually satisfied or are you satisficing? There's a difference. I can, on some level, understand abstaining from sex before marriage. I can, on many levels, grasp not having sex before you're in a serious relationship.
But no kissing? No extended hugging? After a year? If you're actually happy, that's wonderful, but I think your original concern about her not being able to fully adjust bears revisiting.
I'm not too sure what you mean by this ( english isn't my best langage), but it seems you're telling me that maybe she didn't actually change or something.
Ever since i've talked to her about this, she changed, and she actually started showing me some love ( ie: kissing, long hugs, holding hands...) Sure, it's only been 3 weeks, but it feels like that conversation completely changed her... Maybe she will revert back later to her old self, but for now she doesn't seem like she'll do it anytime soon... She's even been telling me how '' she can't study for her finals because she's thinking about me and all the thing we're gonna do during the summer''
God Dayumm
Banned
View it as a lottery instead of a job. I had not one date for over 2 years on Tinder, OKCupid or PoF. Suddenly last week I went out with a girl, she didn't flake, looked better than in her pics, had sex, and she is interested in more. I do recommend signing up on these sites, maybe try to upload some nice photos, swipe or send a message when you feel like it and have nothing better to do, and other than that do not put much effort on these because online dating is not a meritocracy, it is a raffle.
viciouscabaret
Member
Thanks for the advice.
I guess I didn't phrase that properly. Yes, during my last long term relationship I did feel that spark and around year 4 was the expiration date. We both dragged it out to the bitter end where we both wanted out.
The new girl I'm seeing is far simpler in terms of her goals in a relationship. She's Hispanic and was raised by her family to be extremely loyal and giving with her partner it seems. My younger sister worked with her in retail and told me she's had her wedding dress picked out since she was 18.
She's been great to me overall and wears her heart on her sleeve is the best way to put it. Says she wants to be together forever, I'm all she thinks about, etc. Those type of gestures. I look back at her and feel like I've been there, done that with my last relationship when it comes to those types of phrases so they don't really appeal to me right now.
Had a talk and we agreed to take things a bit slower so let's see what happens. I hope I can shake this new relationship anxiety I'm having.
Like 6 < 1 year old photos of me exist, all unflattering. Except for 1 which is of me with a cute bird on my arm.
My friends don't tend to take many photos of social events.
ZackieChan
Member
Two options:
1) do nothing
2) do something about it. Be the one to take photos or request that they be taken. Find new friends or groups to hang out with. Set up your phone on a timer to take photos. Whatever.
Also, I'd ask a friend (preferably female) to look through them with you and help pick out the best. You may find that the ones you think aren't great are actually the ones that women are attracted to more.
fuck I wish I lived in an area that I could get even close to the limit
I didnt even know there WAS a limit until I moved to a major city recently, haha.
ZackieChan
Member
Start now. Make it happen bro!
Mastermind Vade
Banned
Ok so I need your guys' advice again...
Long story short first year in this new high school I just moved into and already past half of the 1st semester here and I don't have that much friends. I tried asking a girl out but she turned me down got over that now but more importantly my current priority is that I should make friends so I know how to make small talk and be more social etc. I just expanded my wardrobe quite a but for going outside and have started going to the gym(btw what do you guys think I should do when it comes to losing weight here? Not really intersted in muscles just losing weight really) so I'm pretty sure I have everything set except for the social part... So what do you guys think I should do to familiarize myself with what to do when it comes to having conversations and understanding other people?Is there a book you would reccomend or something? The high school kids here seem like your average youth if that helps... I just want friends and maybe a girlfriend I guess nefore the summer if that's possible(prolly not).
Oh and if you guys are gonna suggest that I should join clubs, its past half of semester 2 I'm better off doing that next year.
And as for a job my parents badically banned me from getting any jobs since they say I need to focus on my education, can't really fault them for that arguement I guess seeing how they were raised and plus even if I was allowed I'm still 15 and my birthday is in September and most hire teens when they're 16 so its honestly better if I did wait until next year or something...
Long story short first year in this new high school I just moved into and already past half of the 1st semester here and I don't have that much friends. I tried asking a girl out but she turned me down got over that now but more importantly my current priority is that I should make friends so I know how to make small talk and be more social etc. I just expanded my wardrobe quite a but for going outside and have started going to the gym(btw what do you guys think I should do when it comes to losing weight here? Not really intersted in muscles just losing weight really) so I'm pretty sure I have everything set except for the social part... So what do you guys think I should do to familiarize myself with what to do when it comes to having conversations and understanding other people?Is there a book you would reccomend or something? The high school kids here seem like your average youth if that helps... I just want friends and maybe a girlfriend I guess nefore the summer if that's possible(prolly not).
Oh and if you guys are gonna suggest that I should join clubs, its past half of semester 2 I'm better off doing that next year.
And as for a job my parents badically banned me from getting any jobs since they say I need to focus on my education, can't really fault them for that arguement I guess seeing how they were raised and plus even if I was allowed I'm still 15 and my birthday is in September and most hire teens when they're 16 so its honestly better if I did wait until next year or something...
n64coder
Member
So what if it's past half of semester 2? Join some clubs anyway. Take every opportunity you get to meet new people and make friends. Don't wait.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I'm going to give you some full-spectrum advice I wish someone had given me when I was your age. So, imagine 16-year-old AD -- we'll call him Addie, because of course he'd be named that. No fashion sense. Overweight. Really into video games, being a virgin, classical mythology, feeling smarter than everyone else, Dungeons & Dragons, and Ayn Rand. I have no idea if you're anything like Kid!Me, but let's hope not, because it takes a lot of effort to blossom into what your goal is: becoming a real human person.
Most people will tell you that high school doesn't matter. And it doesn't, except this is where most functioning adults learn to perfect lifelong skills, which is exactly what you're trying to do. Your goal isn't to peak at 16. Your goal is to be fucking amazing when you're 25+. Anyway, here goes:
(1): Learn how to cook. You'd be shocked and appalled how many adults can't cook for themselves, and when you eventually do invite a girl over to your apartment, I cannot stress enough how ridiculous a freezer full of Hot Pockets looks. This year, I went from complete moron to regularly cooking for my girlfriend. Cooking together is a fun activity.
(2): Learn how to be healthy. I used to eat an entire large pizza and, because it had mushrooms, I thought it was healthy. The fact that you're already exploring this now is laudable, because now's the time to make lifelong changes. If you want to lose weight, I suggest weightlifting, maybe something basic like StrongLifts 5x5. That, combined with healthy eating, will fix you, because weight management is a long-term commitment and needs to be sustained throughout your entire life.
(3): Get a hobby, or two, especially one that's universally accessible. Despite a lot of fedora-wearing misfits decrying small talk, it's everywhere, and it's the first stage of human interaction. Being able to talk basketball at my barbershop is actually convenient. Other hobbies are good too, especially when there's something you're passionate about. That requires trying new things all the fucking time.
I didn't know how much I'd enjoy cooking until I actually did it. Now I splurge on sous vide machines and Nutribullets, and I have actual spices. A year ago, it was Lean Pockets and Greek yogurt. Sad children blossom into sad adults without some course correction.
It's perfectly okay to have games as hobbies, but well-rounded, interesting people have more than that. They do more than that. Being able to "cross-train" is a useful Lifehack: I'm replaying Pokemon FireRed in Portuguese and I've played through several RPGs in Japanese and others in French. Being able to combine language practice with gaming has really benefited me.
(4): Travel, to some degree, as often as possible. Everyone's interesting stories happened elsewhere, whether it was Vegas, on a road trip, or in Europe. Vigilantly guard yourself against sameyness. You may fall into ruts. Don't let those ruts last too long.
(5): Make lists of what you need to accomplish. Include "self-improvement" goals on those lists. For me, right now, it's language study, "read one chapter of a book," and touch one job-related item each day. It's all about building good habits, and your goal is to make these things second nature.
(6): For conversation, just listen. You don't need a book (although How to Win Friends and Influence People wouldn't be bad), just the ability to listen empathetically. But here, read this summary and see what you think.
I think that covers things. Anyway, you're already caring about the long-term choices you're making, so I think you'll be all right. Focus on your education and remember that any growing you do now in high school (where nothing really matters except getting into college) will pay dividends later on. Good luck!
ZackieChan
Member
Goddamn. Post of the year right there.
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
As usual AD is spot on. I've really been working on myself since I broke up with my Ex back in January. It was a major bummer starting the year off single, but I had to make a choice of moping around or trying to get back on the horse and look for ways to improve myself and improve on being someone who people want to date. I chose the later .
I've been getting out there, going on dates, and working on myself. I've been cleaning my apartment. Taking care of my car. Learning to cook. It sounds like little things but it's things I've never been great at. I hit the gym at least 4 times a week. I'm in a good spot and I'm happy, talking to a girl that I'm having a blast with, and it's because I've been working on me first and foremost...everything else; the girls, the dates, it's all been a by product of being a better me
.I've been getting out there, going on dates, and working on myself. I've been cleaning my apartment. Taking care of my car. Learning to cook. It sounds like little things but it's things I've never been great at. I hit the gym at least 4 times a week. I'm in a good spot and I'm happy, talking to a girl that I'm having a blast with, and it's because I've been working on me first and foremost...everything else; the girls, the dates, it's all been a by product of being a better me
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