Cow Mengde
Banned
I wonder if OP wears a fedora?
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Did I do the right thing, taking a break from friendship?
- Thread starter Brofield
- Start date
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I wonder if OP wears a fedora?
Count Dookkake
Member
Mammoth Jones
Member
Dayum, LMAO...
R
Retro_
Unconfirmed Member
Did she call??
Random Painted HIghway
Member
I feel bad for the female in this situation even if she can be perceived to be egging op on a bit. My wife had a guy like that while we were dating and it was just pitiful, wrote her a long letter and emails even, just cringeworthy. Just cause a female will smile and laugh at your jokes and may meet for a random lunch with you doesn't mean that you have or will have a shot. Very unfair to the female to be on guard against creepers disguised as friends, one reason I'm glad I'm male as stupid as that sounds.
Vermillion
Banned
It's like that sometimes. If you can't handle just being friends, then sometimes you've gotta take a break. *shrug*
Stay away.
Move on.
I don't know her or you but I relate to your story.
When I was in my early twenties I went though something similar - over a few months.
We were good friends but unfortunately for me to not be such a Ducky I had to cut off all contact with her for a while until I got over it.
Move on.
I don't know her or you but I relate to your story.
When I was in my early twenties I went though something similar - over a few months.
We were good friends but unfortunately for me to not be such a Ducky I had to cut off all contact with her for a while until I got over it.
OldKentuckyShark
Member
Follow your heart.
Haha, no. Your life is not the plot of a romantic comedy. It is very unlikely that a romance would have even started, let alone lasted. Friendship romances are an awkward place to be. If she knew about your feelings for so long and still acted that way towards you while dating other guys, there is no way that relationship(romance or friendship) would have worked out.
Haha, no. Your life is not the plot of a romantic comedy. It is very unlikely that a romance would have even started, let alone lasted. Friendship romances are an awkward place to be. If she knew about your feelings for so long and still acted that way towards you while dating other guys, there is no way that relationship(romance or friendship) would have worked out.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Man, think about where he'd be if he took on this girl's friend as a relationship.
Either he would've had a relationship or he would've had this girl start to see the potential in him. Seriously, moving on is the wildest turn-on sometimes. Every time I've ever told a woman "no" during her serious advances or just started dating someone else instead, it just made them want me more. This girl gave you the solution to both of your situations, and you didn't see it.
Either he would've had a relationship or he would've had this girl start to see the potential in him. Seriously, moving on is the wildest turn-on sometimes. Every time I've ever told a woman "no" during her serious advances or just started dating someone else instead, it just made them want me more. This girl gave you the solution to both of your situations, and you didn't see it.
The lady from HR? Yeah, she called.
tanooki141
Member
I'm glad I read this thread tonight.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation, though not to the same degree as this story.
Incredibly therapeutic to read the responses.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation, though not to the same degree as this story.
Incredibly therapeutic to read the responses.
Cow Mengde
Banned
You know what to do now, right?
I remember being in a somewhat similar situation a long time ago. I was a bit younger, but there were a couple of parallels. I think a lot of guys get the "If I were single.../I wish I was dating someone like you" thing from the girls they have raging crushes from. I don't know what the fuck that's all about, but it messes with the young mind - or at least it messed with my mind.
But, like a lot of people have said in this thread, eventually you move on and you look back at how silly you were.
Personally? I think there's something to be said about a girl/guy who doesn't have the presence of mind to understand when they are acting in a way that is sending mixed signals - or worse, who doesn't care or even enjoys this. That's not to say that in the situation with the OP for example that it was all the girls fault or anything, but I'm not fond of it.
But, like a lot of people have said in this thread, eventually you move on and you look back at how silly you were.
Personally? I think there's something to be said about a girl/guy who doesn't have the presence of mind to understand when they are acting in a way that is sending mixed signals - or worse, who doesn't care or even enjoys this. That's not to say that in the situation with the OP for example that it was all the girls fault or anything, but I'm not fond of it.
Sho_Nuff82
Member
Very lttp, but I visibly cringed at least 6 times reading this story. This was me as a young man, only with multiple girls instead of one long crush. As soon as a girl chooses someone over you, that's it - you aren't the one, you aren't her type, go and do you and don't be her crutch. You can be friends, just not "we're sleeping over at each other's houses in a non sexual way" friends. Don't go home with her, don't take her out unless it's with a group, don't buy her shit. That's what you do for a gf. You are actively stunting your potential every minute you spend with her, because you honestly sound like a pretty fun guy.
Spend more time asking out girls who will say yes.
Spend more time asking out girls who will say yes.
Was in a very similar position last year. I was her back up plan and I got burned.
I took a break from the friendship and realized I was being manipulated.
I burned all bridges. She's dead to me.
I'm in a much better place now!
edit: Also, right after I burned all bridges I met someone who actually reciprocates. There's no such thing as "the one", only "one that likes you back".
I took a break from the friendship and realized I was being manipulated.
I burned all bridges. She's dead to me.
I'm in a much better place now!
edit: Also, right after I burned all bridges I met someone who actually reciprocates. There's no such thing as "the one", only "one that likes you back".
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You weren't assertive enough, OP.
The sad thing is that there were probably a dozen times that she was open for a more romantic relationship (unless she was literally using you as an emotional tampon) but your actions prevented it from happening. By the looks of it, you were constantly defusing every single potential sexual situation, and the impression you must have made on her was that you had not an ounce of romantic interest in her.
So yeah, don't just take a break - leave and never look back. Being around her will just further reinforce the negative behaviors you've exhibited, and what you need for any future relationships to not turn into such a fucking mess is a clean slate and a clear mind - which you're not going to get while lusting after this lady.
Hope you don't take this the wrong way, I just respect and love you.
The sad thing is that there were probably a dozen times that she was open for a more romantic relationship (unless she was literally using you as an emotional tampon) but your actions prevented it from happening. By the looks of it, you were constantly defusing every single potential sexual situation, and the impression you must have made on her was that you had not an ounce of romantic interest in her.
So yeah, don't just take a break - leave and never look back. Being around her will just further reinforce the negative behaviors you've exhibited, and what you need for any future relationships to not turn into such a fucking mess is a clean slate and a clear mind - which you're not going to get while lusting after this lady.
Hope you don't take this the wrong way, I just respect and love you.
I mean you totally ran out on someone you consider a friend and feel you owe a lot to but...we all gotta stay sane man. If you can explain that to her in a way she understands maybe you can keep your friendship (and you will owe her even more), but if not then still sanity > friends.
Also it sounds like she wanted the friendship more than you did before this, maybe be prepared to find out that is no longer the case the next time you meet.
Also it sounds like she wanted the friendship more than you did before this, maybe be prepared to find out that is no longer the case the next time you meet.
Christ that was a story and a half, and eminently entertaining :lol
Sounds to me Iike all the emotional investment you've put into liking this girl has perhaps clouded your better judgment of the situation.
Kind of grates that she is angry at you for wanting to go on hiatus when she has been really irresponsible with the knowledge that you like her. She has no right to be angry, she should be grateful for the tolerance you've shown over the years to put up with the mixed messages and things like going to sleep in your bed in her panties, etc.
The longer she's out of your mind the better it'll get. And don't go thinking that you missed out on someone who has the same music taste or you relate to more. I was deeply involved with a girl for a few years who also liked the same music and such, and when we broke up I was devastated and thought I'd never get over it. Truly. Found a girl a few months later who made me forget about the previous relationship and we had absolutely nothing in common except that we liked each other.
Sounds to me Iike all the emotional investment you've put into liking this girl has perhaps clouded your better judgment of the situation.
Kind of grates that she is angry at you for wanting to go on hiatus when she has been really irresponsible with the knowledge that you like her. She has no right to be angry, she should be grateful for the tolerance you've shown over the years to put up with the mixed messages and things like going to sleep in your bed in her panties, etc.
The longer she's out of your mind the better it'll get. And don't go thinking that you missed out on someone who has the same music taste or you relate to more. I was deeply involved with a girl for a few years who also liked the same music and such, and when we broke up I was devastated and thought I'd never get over it. Truly. Found a girl a few months later who made me forget about the previous relationship and we had absolutely nothing in common except that we liked each other.
I don't. She didn't just laugh at his jokes and meet him for lunch. That's REAL friend stuff. She straddled, flirted, lead on and made him feel he had a shot by saying she would date if they were single. That is not friend stuff. Some girls do that to boost up their ego, stringing guys along. They keep it up under the guise of "friendship" but it's usually one way. The moment u get a girl or don't give them that attention they drop the friendship.
Seen it a million times. These kind of "friends" never last because there is no true friendship on either side. One is lusting and the other is leading on. Very unhealthy.
tanooki141
Member
Oh yes
RedNalgene
Member
Add me to the group that says you did the right thing OP. If you continued to hang out with her you'd NEVER move on. Never. You would never have a relationship of "your own", you'd always hold out hope that "maybe this time" she'll choose you. You're better than that. It sucks that a friendship needs to die because of this, but you're better off in the long run. You'll make more friends, you'll find someone who you want to spend every waking moment with. That would never happen as long as she strings you along. If she really did want to be with you she would have taken one of the many opportunities she had. It will take time to move on, but without regular contact it will be easier.
tringworldso
Member
Thank you
Good man. The road to recovery is not easy but you can do it. And if you ever find yourself feeling wayward, post and we all will be there to smack some sense into you. Oh and if you need any help on your fb settings you can message me, I'll help you out. Stay strong buddy!
Sup. Dude I usually don't respond, but dayum. You had it bad. This is a learning moment.
I almost got into this with this one girl during my early college years, but figured it out quickly. I learned a lot about these types of girls.
I don't have time for this shit. No need to waste thoughts on that bitch. I'm usually upfront with stuff now.
But dayum, OP. Dayum. Why? You should have known after a few months.
I almost got into this with this one girl during my early college years, but figured it out quickly. I learned a lot about these types of girls.
I don't have time for this shit. No need to waste thoughts on that bitch. I'm usually upfront with stuff now.
But dayum, OP. Dayum. Why? You should have known after a few months.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Pretty much.
You've slept in the same bed on numerous occasions, and other provocative situations...I'd say if you never acted on any of these things, then you were not only friend zoned, but she knew that you knew you were friend zoned and this is why things continued to go nowhere but Teaseville. Population: You.
Now, SHE could have easily made a move as well, and since "Cayla" isn't here to explain her actions, we will never know what her intentions were/are.
Best advice. Talk about it. SAY HOW YOU FEEL, OR FOREVER REGRET NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
Now, SHE could have easily made a move as well, and since "Cayla" isn't here to explain her actions, we will never know what her intentions were/are.
Best advice. Talk about it. SAY HOW YOU FEEL, OR FOREVER REGRET NOT SAYING ANYTHING.
Thanks, guys and gals (I at least assume there were at least a handful posting).
I know there's a lot I omitted from all this (like when I did try to be outgoing with my absolute failure of a pickup line [that I dare not repeat lest it become my tag] within the first few days I met her, so I can at least say I tried to be clear about my intentions from the get go. She clarified at that point that at the time, she said no because she didn't know me, but over the years thought me to be a pretty cool dude).
I thought we could have been friends. Hell, even when she joked about us being 'old friends' after knowing each other for five years, it was enough to lift my spirits. I thought I could handle it, and at least for a while I did.
Maybe I should have gone for her at some point. Maybe I'll look back in a few years and realize she was dropping obvious hints to me. Maybe I'll just settle and look back in a few years and tell myself she's the one who got away as I sigh contentedly and sip on whiskey in a big leather, plush chair inside my study. Maybe right now is just too raw, and that I'm just inflicting more wounds on myself.
My biggest test of solidarity will be Saturday. A mutual friend of ours is performing his first concert gig with his band, and as far as I know she'll be going. I figure I can at least be civil, but otherwise I'm just going to do my best to make eye contact with other people and stay in conversation with them, and dip as soon as it's over.
But I wish I could at least say hi.
I know there's a lot I omitted from all this (like when I did try to be outgoing with my absolute failure of a pickup line [that I dare not repeat lest it become my tag] within the first few days I met her, so I can at least say I tried to be clear about my intentions from the get go. She clarified at that point that at the time, she said no because she didn't know me, but over the years thought me to be a pretty cool dude).
I thought we could have been friends. Hell, even when she joked about us being 'old friends' after knowing each other for five years, it was enough to lift my spirits. I thought I could handle it, and at least for a while I did.
Maybe I should have gone for her at some point. Maybe I'll look back in a few years and realize she was dropping obvious hints to me. Maybe I'll just settle and look back in a few years and tell myself she's the one who got away as I sigh contentedly and sip on whiskey in a big leather, plush chair inside my study. Maybe right now is just too raw, and that I'm just inflicting more wounds on myself.
My biggest test of solidarity will be Saturday. A mutual friend of ours is performing his first concert gig with his band, and as far as I know she'll be going. I figure I can at least be civil, but otherwise I'm just going to do my best to make eye contact with other people and stay in conversation with them, and dip as soon as it's over.
But I wish I could at least say hi.
You shouldn't have promised you'd stay anything after this. You're 22 and in school where there's a huge pool of attractive, fun and intelligent women. Chances are there's someone out there who's just as interesting, if not more so, who's genuinely into you (because she isn't and, chances are, won't be in the future).
You'll be alright, and so will she.
Edit: Good on you for not going out of your way to avoid her, though. Shitty way to live if you share a circle of friends.
You'll be alright, and so will she.
Edit: Good on you for not going out of your way to avoid her, though. Shitty way to live if you share a circle of friends.
GungHo
Single-handedly caused Exxon-Mobil to sue FOX, start World War 3
I know what you wish, but don't do it. Just move on. She clearly has.
Ahaha, my school has seen it's highest rate of male enrollment, at 70% guys and 30% girls. Not to mention I'm damn near the only city slicker, and the girls are only looking for their country boys with a lifted pick up. Even with my best efforts and another girl that somehow managed to screw me over even better than Cayla (who I honestly thought was the only girl to get Cayla out of my head completely in the first place), I am not going to find anyone here in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.
If anything I'll take it as my chance to travel. Maybe I'm just on the wrong continent to begin with.
I know. For your sake and all of GAF, I'll confess if I break my own rule.
Holly Shit, OP! I feel angry and sad because I've been on that same situation. That whole thing brought me so many mixed memories. Well, we never spoke about it like you did with her, but i was on a very similar situation.
I think.. you were just friend zoned the whole time, man :/ She liked you as a friend and that's it. It just felt like you really wanted this to happen, but she didn't. It sucks cus now you guys wont be able to talk for a while and if you do its only gonna get weirder.
Just let it go. With time u'll get over her and shell get over what just happened and eventually u guys will speak again and stuff. Who knows.. maybe in the future she'll feel something stronger for you and tell you and if you're still single, i'm pretty sure u'll get with her.
You won't solve anything feeling depressed and im sure that shes thinks about what happened when shes not with that other dude that she was texting. Have lots of sex, try to meet other girls and to get over her.
EDIT: And yes, you did the right thing. It didn't work like you wanted it to work but probably it just wasn't meant to be. Some people are just better off staying friends.
I think.. you were just friend zoned the whole time, man :/ She liked you as a friend and that's it. It just felt like you really wanted this to happen, but she didn't. It sucks cus now you guys wont be able to talk for a while and if you do its only gonna get weirder.
Just let it go. With time u'll get over her and shell get over what just happened and eventually u guys will speak again and stuff. Who knows.. maybe in the future she'll feel something stronger for you and tell you and if you're still single, i'm pretty sure u'll get with her.
You won't solve anything feeling depressed and im sure that shes thinks about what happened when shes not with that other dude that she was texting. Have lots of sex, try to meet other girls and to get over her.
EDIT: And yes, you did the right thing. It didn't work like you wanted it to work but probably it just wasn't meant to be. Some people are just better off staying friends.
It's lines like these that make me think you're more in love with the thought of being in love with her than actually being in love with her. Don't paint yourself as some tragic figure that desperately needs her attention.
She shut you down. Have some respect for yourself and hold your head high.
Well, I think she purposefully avoided our friend's concert because she knew I would be there, or for all I know had other plans and forgot.
Point being I can keep my promise about not speaking to her, haven't come close to drunk texting her and thanks to sober me I can guarantee it won't be an issue, and from here on out I can do my damndest to get over her as best I can without finding myself getting catfished by some 30 year old on Tinder.
The advice and support is all and truly welcomed, guys. I know it's just another sob story of being friendzoned (without actually labelling it as such), but for all the "cut her off completely", I still feel that will never happen, even if I wanted it to. Yes, for the shit I've gone through because of her, it's been no walk in the park. But even then, jokes made as friends, where I recognized the platonic nature of our relationship and was 100% comfortable with it, and other moments that escape my memory currently, makes me realize she is a good person, and above all else is what I want I want to return to at the end of all this.
It's nearly 3AM so that above paragraph probably makes less sense than I think it does. Regardless, thanks GAF <3 It's more love than I would have gotten out of 4chan, that's for sure.
Point being I can keep my promise about not speaking to her, haven't come close to drunk texting her and thanks to sober me I can guarantee it won't be an issue, and from here on out I can do my damndest to get over her as best I can without finding myself getting catfished by some 30 year old on Tinder.
The advice and support is all and truly welcomed, guys. I know it's just another sob story of being friendzoned (without actually labelling it as such), but for all the "cut her off completely", I still feel that will never happen, even if I wanted it to. Yes, for the shit I've gone through because of her, it's been no walk in the park. But even then, jokes made as friends, where I recognized the platonic nature of our relationship and was 100% comfortable with it, and other moments that escape my memory currently, makes me realize she is a good person, and above all else is what I want I want to return to at the end of all this.
It's nearly 3AM so that above paragraph probably makes less sense than I think it does. Regardless, thanks GAF <3 It's more love than I would have gotten out of 4chan, that's for sure.
RoninChaos
Member
Maybe the part where she's cuddling with the op, KNOWING how he feels.
Anyway, OP, you did the right thing. It will suck for a while but you'll be okay. Keep the door open but only do it if you're cool with never being her man. Go find someone else who won't fuck with your emotions, and be strong. Go after what you want, don't wait for if to come to you. At least then if you don't get it, it's on your own terms.
And all the advice in this thread doesn't mean shit if you can't sit back and learn from. If bet anything you won't let this happen to you again. If you find yourself in a similar situation down the road, be assertive.
Also, i see guys go through what you do regularly. I think men and women are on opposite ends of the spectrum in a lot of ways at that age. Just keep yourself number one. Find ways to learn and improve yourself and good things will come.
Good luck.
OP, I had a similar issue (in some aspects) like you once: I didn't want to lose her as a friend, but I eventually decided it was the best for me -- for me to move on and keep on living. Times change, people chance, it's just natural for that to happen.
I moved on and I have been having a better life than before, I admit it. You're free to do what you want, but don't say that you can't "cut her off completely", because I'm sure you can do it -- if you really want it.
You're still young, OP. Keep on living, and don't let that one thing get in your way. That's my suggestion.
If you need anything, feel free to message me. I would be glad to help!
akachan ningen
Member
Pretty much this. The harsh truth.
Fahrenheit
Banned
What kills me the most is at the end you say you owe her so much. What the hell do you owe her? What the hell does she owe you? Nothing, that's what.
Okay, maybe 'owe her' is the wrong word, but she has been there as support for me when I was having some personal issues. Lord knows it's nigh impossible for me to open up to anyone, even with most of my other closest friends (that tell me time and again they are willing to listen, I just never open up), but somehow I could spill my guts to her and not feel self-conscious about it. In return, I was her shoulder to lean on, and I damn sure was clear it was only ever as a friend then. Hell, that's all I was and intended to be when she came to me with problems with her boyfriend and then broke down crying in my car.
Vermillion
Banned
What if you're friends after a failed attempt? I imagine that's OPs sitch.
FunkyMunkey
Banned
The problem was you setting it up with her with ideas of a relationship right from the get go when she was single. Of course friends having casual sex does not always work out, but you had plenty of opportunities to at least kiss her and never did. You made it seem like if you two ever did anything it was instantly going to become bf/gf and she probably wasn't down for that kind of immediate transition(or at least talking it up to be one).
A lot of guys screw up with girls because they take the entire dating aspect way too seriously. No matter what she said, she gave you a million signs she wanted you to at least try. Maybe you would've been shot down sure, but that's way better than piling up tons of pressure around the aspect of a simple kiss (or casual sex).
Every girl I've ever dated I have been friends with first. The idea is to let the transition to a relationship happen naturally, if it even does. Avoid the labels and such. Just two single people having fun, enjoying each others company. It does sound like you liked her more, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't have ever liked you more if you tried (minus the building up of a relationship before it happened).
A lot of guys screw up with girls because they take the entire dating aspect way too seriously. No matter what she said, she gave you a million signs she wanted you to at least try. Maybe you would've been shot down sure, but that's way better than piling up tons of pressure around the aspect of a simple kiss (or casual sex).
Every girl I've ever dated I have been friends with first. The idea is to let the transition to a relationship happen naturally, if it even does. Avoid the labels and such. Just two single people having fun, enjoying each others company. It does sound like you liked her more, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't have ever liked you more if you tried (minus the building up of a relationship before it happened).
Op, this is almost the same exact situation I had with a girl back in high school, except she actually decided to go out with me.
I met her around the 7th grade, and I instantly became attracted to her. After three years of being one of her best guy friends and her going through about four boyfriends, I said fuck it and decided to finally make some moves on her. At first she was hesitant, like your friend was, because if something happened during the relationship we may not be friends again and her friends were telling her the same... Well after thinking over it she finally decided to go out with me and we dated for a year. She was one of the best exes ive ever dated, and notice the keyword there which is ex. I also haven't talked to her once since we broke up (which was around 6 years ago) . It sucked because I not only lost my girlfriend, but one of my best friends ive ever had in my entire life.
So long stort short, I can completely see where your friend is coming from. It happened to me and my ex and I still to this day wish we could have stayed friends somehow. But im not saying this could happen to your friend, youll never know unless you try.
Anyways, i hope everything works out for you in the end. Maybe she thinks it over amd decides to go out with you, who knows. Best of luck op.
I met her around the 7th grade, and I instantly became attracted to her. After three years of being one of her best guy friends and her going through about four boyfriends, I said fuck it and decided to finally make some moves on her. At first she was hesitant, like your friend was, because if something happened during the relationship we may not be friends again and her friends were telling her the same... Well after thinking over it she finally decided to go out with me and we dated for a year. She was one of the best exes ive ever dated, and notice the keyword there which is ex. I also haven't talked to her once since we broke up (which was around 6 years ago) . It sucked because I not only lost my girlfriend, but one of my best friends ive ever had in my entire life.
So long stort short, I can completely see where your friend is coming from. It happened to me and my ex and I still to this day wish we could have stayed friends somehow. But im not saying this could happen to your friend, youll never know unless you try.
Anyways, i hope everything works out for you in the end. Maybe she thinks it over amd decides to go out with you, who knows. Best of luck op.
Glorified G
Member
I was confused reading you declaring yourself not a virgin or socially awkward, wondering why that would matter? Then it made sense. Nobody over analyzes every encounter or situation with a woman like this unless you were a virgin and/or socially awkward.
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