The problem was you setting it up with her with ideas of a relationship right from the get go when she was single. Of course friends having casual sex does not always work out, but you had plenty of opportunities to at least kiss her and never did. You made it seem like if you two ever did anything it was instantly going to become bf/gf and she probably wasn't down for that kind of immediate transition(or at least talking it up to be one).
Why I held back from kissing her is that she can be overly sensitive about that sort of stuff. She is very much a feminist, and I don't begrudge her that, but she's not exactly the type to just let a guy come in without a word of warning to kiss her. I could tell that about her a mile away.
A lot of guys screw up with girls because they take the entire dating aspect way too seriously. No matter what she said, she gave you a million signs she wanted you to at least try. Maybe you would've been shot down sure, but that's way better than piling up tons of pressure around the aspect of a simple kiss (or casual sex).
I'm slowly wrapping my head around the concept, the idea of dating without it being something else immediately. I still don't know if there were signs, or if simply because she felt comfortable around me as a friend, and I certainly didn't want to jeopardize things then (God is hindsight ever 20/20 like the idiot I am). I was always hesitant and never did anything because I figured she must have wanted her time to get over her ex, and I didn't want to be her rebound, given that already happened with me before not even a month before this all started
Another girl early November: I like her, she likes me, hinted to me as such even when she was dating other guy for two months. We kiss after she breaks up with him. I go to ask her out a week later, and she says I'm her brother.
Every girl I've ever dated I have been friends with first. The idea is to let the transition to a relationship happen naturally, if it even does. Avoid the labels and such. Just two single people having fun, enjoying each others company. It does sound like you liked her more, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't have ever liked you more if you tried (minus the building up of a relationship before it happened).
That's what I don't understand about the backlash against the term friendzone. You are friends, you broach the subject, if no, go on being friends. I certainly wasn't going to stop being friends with her just because she was honest at the time.
And I guess that was my problem. Despite my best efforts not to, I ended up putting the cart in front of the horse.
So long stort short, I can completely see where your friend is coming from. It happened to me and my ex and I still to this day wish we could have stayed friends somehow. But im not saying this could happen to your friend, youll never know unless you try.
Anyways, i hope everything works out for you in the end. Maybe she thinks it over amd decides to go out with you, who knows. Best of luck op.
Thanks, guy. In the end, I slowly feel I'm actually making progress. I'm not giving in to sudden urges to check her facebook every other day to make sure she's alright like some sort of drunkard who lost his wife. I think if I don't leave the door wide open like I have in the past, then maybe it won't be as bad when it does close for good.
I'm suddenly aware and self-conscious of all the metaphors I'm using
I was confused reading you declaring yourself not a virgin or socially awkward, wondering why that would matter? Then it made sense. Nobody over analyzes every encounter or situation with a woman like this unless you were a virgin and/or socially awkward.
