• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

DRINKY vs MAF : Ultimate Bargin Bin SHIT GAME Challenge

D

Drinky Crow

Banned
So, here's the score:

Drinky gets to play Robocop. Yeah, yeah, we broke the licensed rule because MAF thought it would be funny to ruin the memory of my childhood mascot, Robocop. Jerk. MAF asked the EB lady which was worse, it or the PS2 version of Enter the Matrix, and both the gal and her spindly coworker unanimously replied "Robocop". This rather ruined my hope -- I really don't want to believe that Robocop could ever do me harm.

MAF gets to play Warriors of Might and Magic. It promises "hours of brutal fantasy combat". Right now, he's staring the box down with his best Alexis Denisof as Season 5 Wesley face, and I think he's losing. 3DO games can sap a man's will to live.

MAF is taking some screenshots and showing his copy of Warriors of Might and Magic his box knife scars in the hopes of intimidating it. Pictures forthcoming.
 
M

MrAngryFace

Banned
There honestly wasnt much to pick from at the bargin bin today, but Drinky opened up with Robocop, but upon seeing Heroes of Might and Tragic he quickly swapped. I had to choose between Enter the Matrix and Robocop, the clerks assured me that robocop would be the more painful of the two.

While im sure drinky will suffer, Heroes of Might and Magic makes no comforting promises:

front2rg.jpg
-- he looks so serious with his fabio haircut and his cowl digging into his chest.

my.php
-- Hours of BRUTAL gameplay, awesome :(

This is gonna suck. Real bad. Ill update this thread more as the week continues. Gotta start tonight :(
 
I

iapetus

Scary Euro Man
According to Gamerankings, MAF's the clear leader at the moment. Warriors of Might and Magic scored a massive 50% on average (with a D+ from GA). Robocop on the other hand racks up a putrid 20%.

Though user reviews turn that around slightly, with Robocop netting 5.2/10 and WoMaM a mere 4.6.

Red Scarlet said:
...didn't you just tell me to play a Might and Magic game last night?!
Click to expand...

Heroes of Might and Magic.
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
SWEET FUCKING JESUS ROBOCOP IS MAKING SOMETHING BURST IN MY SKULL.

first: no aim assist. I hafta pick off like 20 dudes all hiding behind fucking corners.

second: the frame rate fluctuates between 60 and 2 frames per second across any given minute. Not helping my aim at ALL, and it's growing my embolism to beach ball size.

third: ENEMIES SPAWN BEHIND ME FOR CHALLENGE. Sometimes they turn blue while I'm shooting and the rendered cop head chides me for shooting the "innocent".

AWESOME THERE'S A BUTTON FOR TWIRLING YOUR GUN

AWESOME

AWESOME
fjsld;jv;aldfs
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
Warriors of Might and Magic was also in the launch window of the PS2, which means some score inflation.

I REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE THAT, LET ME BELIEVE GOD PLEASE
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
Scarlet: Might and Magic was a fun series before 3DO whored its license to high hell. The RPG (pre-9) and the Heroes series (pre-4, and the console Heroes titles don't count) were fun, classic RPGs and strategy titles respectively.
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
So my first mission is in the sewers. I get to twirl my gun at big rats.

Poor, poor Robocop. Titus fucking pried open his titanium skullcap and shat all over his dignity.
 
I

iapetus

Scary Euro Man
Review highlights:

Robocop

Offering no illusions of potential, Robocop gets cracking right away in its bid to offend. The opening FMV is an abomination, portraying the supercop himself as some kind of lumbering imbecile who vomits dialogue in tones only lobotomies can provide. Overstated attempts at satire come off as though they were deferred through a child while it’s immediately apparent that a sub-TV production is about to unfold. Intros and the like do, of course, often serve as offal around an otherwise successful game; here, however, they serve up the prospect of a bitter pill to swallow – Robocop’s fallen, and he ‘aint getting up.

The game proper systematically confirms this in a flood of inadequacies. It may be surprising for some to hear that the character’s dawdling pace is not one of them - Halo, remember, offers a perfectly tuned game with an engine locked at 30 frames per second. This isn’t the problem; just about everything else is. An early example: while it may be conceivable that Robocop’s mechanical stride sounds like someone taking continuous photographs of your inner ear, this isn’t a particularly pleasant sound over prolonged exposure. It is, in fact, right up there with babies crying and Victoria Beckham.
Click to expand...

Despite the two-year-plus development cycle, Robocop is a buggy mess, filled with loads of unbelievably obvious issues that somehow dodged their way through the QA process. The biggest of these issues involves collision detection, which might as well not even exist half the time. Enemies will frequently just waltz right through walls and not think anything of it. Of course, while their gun is sticking through a wall, they have the ability to shoot you, but if you try to shoot back through the wall, your bullets magically bounce right off. Enemies also have an interesting habit of just totally spazzing out at times, depending on how close or in what position you're standing in relation to them. Sometimes moving too far over from their basic firing range will cause their torsos to start spinning around and around like a demon-possessed whirling dervish, and they won't stop spinning until you move that extra inch over to the right. Also, in practically any mission where you have to rescue hostages, if you wander up to a wall on the opposite side of the room where the hostage is positioned, and you press the "rescue" button while facing that wall, you can rescue the hostage without ever having to walk into the room and face any of the bad guys.
Click to expand...

Warriors of Might and Magic

Have you ever heard the joke, why did the boy throw the clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly. Well here's a good one, why did I throw Warriors of Might and Magic out of the window? Because its utter crap!!! It's as mighty as Mr. Muscle, and about as magical as pulling a rabbit out of a rabbit hutch. It reminds me of one of those English essays you used to get at school where the teacher told you to describe a day out. The teacher always told you to talk about a bad day because you would have more to say. Well sit back, relax, this could be a veeeeeeeery long review. But I'll try and keep it short because I have to go get a psychological examination after this.
Click to expand...

This is just an insult to the folks who shelled out 300 dollars for the PlayStation 2. Warriors of Might and Magic should show anyone who creates games for a living, what NOT to do. This games looks like a high resolution PS One game, and nothing more. In fact, I would bet money this version could’ve been done on the PS One. It’s ugly, plays horribly, which in the end leaves only one conclusion…a very bad game.

[...]

Nothing hurts me more than to write a bad review, because I tend to pull my punches. Unfortunately this game deserved every bit of bad word of mouth it gets. This game is fine for the PS One, as it is approaching the end of its life span, but not for the PS2. It should’ve and could’ve been much more. Easily, this is 3DO’s biggest stinker to date on the PlayStation 2. Hopefully, Heroes of Might and Magic won’t disappoint as much. Stay tuned folks!
Click to expand...
 
A

Attack You

Member
Someone needs to hook Drinky and MAF up with something that reports their vitals every few minutes. I want to pinpoint the exact moment when teh suck devours them.
 
M

MrAngryFace

Banned
Ive started playing Warriors of Might and Magic, and umm, its pretty bad obviously.

The game begins with a D level CG intro of some inquisition in which people (as Drinky's wife pointed out) dressed like necromancers, condemn me of being a necromancer. They then throw me in a pit and SUMMON AN UNDEAD MONSTER to kill me, the necromancer. At which point I fend it off with a club. Maybe Necromancers who arent sponsored get thrown in a pit or something.

One nice thing I noticed was the use of green glow. check this out.

glow0hs.jpg


And Im to face this monster so I check out my inventory:

inventory6er.jpg


So far, no good.

Oh and for those who havent played this game, the awful mask on the cover:

cover1pu.jpg


Its some living mask thing thats apparently for my doom or something. It slaps on my face in the video and grips onto my poorly rendered skin.

There's also some lady that watches me the whole video smirking, or grimacing, or frowning, I dunno what she was doing but she WAS watching me so she's probably my flirty co-adventurer later on.

I can also now shoot fireballs which is neat.

Tho I know this will be a long haul, puzzles are promised along with:

back3jd.jpg



My only hope is that doug is suffering in the sewers as a poorly rendered robocop fighting off giant rats.
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
Alright, cleared the first mission. I actually viciously punched the carpet in a rage after a flood of utterly cheap shots -- I've never done that with a game in recent memory. My knuckles REALLY hurt.
 
M

MrAngryFace

Banned
I finally found a fellow warrior in the sewers. Long minutes of mucking around fighting giant bugs has earned me a BROTHER IN ARMS. After fighting off skeletons back to back my new friend lead me to a stash of weapons potions armor and gold. To thank him I:

friend0mu.jpg


Ok, so I finally find some pants and a big hammer while killing these bugs, which apparently are the pets or something of this mad alchemist who held people against their will blah blah. I release the ghosts and all I get is some lousy experience.

So I stay lost for 20 minutes, wandering around. IN one instance this skeleton chased me down a hallway right into this pit of spikes which I couldnt see cause the camera is fucking horrible. Rage I felt, so much. So this is me getting back at the skeleton

oops4zh.jpg


Ok, so I never got that skeleton back, cause I found a way around him and ended up at that freaking pit again. This time I found LEVER!. I pulled it, narrow plank appears. *shit, jumping sequence, I thought to myself. Little did I know that once a plank was present in the area my character had little to worry about:

my.php


Now im fighting these troll orc things in some area under the sewers. So I suspect its the sewers for the sewers. They're this huge guy with an axe and bone helm that has me stumped, ill post a pic of him tomorrow. Until then here's a nifty trinket I picked up from the bug corpses

spikes4bj.jpg


Like Spikes? What the FUCK does that mean? Is it a joke? Cause its a bad one. Wtf.
 
D

Drinky Crow

Banned
Alright, got some pics.

First off, here's proof that God -- both in his robot cop and non robot cop incarnations -- really hates me:

robocop_box.JPG


It's the Collector's Edition! I dunno if there was any other edition. I told MAF not to be so generous and to get me the plain ol' Fun Edition, but we couldn't find it on the rack.

I boot it up. I'm playing Robocop! -- or so I'm informed. So far, so good.

robocop_title.JPG


I'm attacked by a bunch of Star Trek away team members and a Ghost Hobo. I tried to get my wife to take a shot of the Ghost Hobo, but being a ghost, he proved very difficult to capture on (digital) film.

robocop_wtf.JPG


"This game is very irritating!" I think aloud. My daughter agrees, because she lays one of her little hands on the Xbox controller and says "wabaaaaaaa", the logical opposite of "uweeeeee" in her baby vocabulary. It's very cute, until I realize that "wabaaaaaa" is her universal noise for pity. What invoked this child's pathos? Well, the realization that my Xbox had temporarily become a Nintendo DS:

robocop_ds.JPG



Here's some more Away Team dudes. They teleported in and shot me in the back a bunch of times, then one turned blue and the police chief said I was a dummy and a fag.

robocop_awayteam.JPG


My reward for being a dummy and a fag was a sewer level, where Robocop got to grind for ammo by killing rats. Rats store ammo in secret fleshy pouches that line their bellies. Giant rats hold gatling rounds, whereas smaller rats hold Desert Eagle rounds. Evolution at work!

Here's some generic Renderware API calls that vaguely resemble a sewer.

robocop_sewer.JPG


Later, I emerge and am told by a hick that I should sneak through a secret door and shoot some vans. I do, but this garage door won't open. At this point I am very angry at the game and I cannot think straight. The cop guy keeps telling me that I am quite stupid and possibly have no functioning robot genitals. I died once because even though the hick said I would have an advantage, it turns out the hick wasn't in communication with the level designer and so I got killed, whereupon the old cop said I wasn't worthy of my badge. I restart the area and go back to the garage door, which I can't open. I rhythmically stomp around the level blowing up gas tanks, which burst into giant blossoms of urine-colored confetti. Then some dudes teleport in and kill me again. I get very angry and punch the floor of the bedroom, which fills my knuckles with carpet fiber and makes my wife mad because she doesn't like a racket. She informs me that my game is very dumb, to which I say "DUH" in a really drawn out, sarcastic voice and we have a fight.

She asks me to choose between Robocop and her, and in what I consider to be a monumental loss for my childhood reverence for Robocop, I choose her. My knuckles are bleeding a little and I can't type very well, so I get on GAF and hassle DS owners. Oddly, I don't feel any better.

Here's a picture of my nemesis, the Unopenable Garage Door.

robocop_rage.JPG


Later, I reload and for some reason, the garage door opens for me, like a giant laughing mouth. This just makes me mad, so I save and quit for the night.
 
Red Scarlet

Red Scarlet

Member
MrAngryFace said:
I finally found a fellow warrior in the sewers. Long minutes of mucking around fighting giant bugs has earned me a BROTHER IN ARMS.
Click to expand...

Was it ROBOCOP? Name him Robocop if you can!
 
M

Mermandala

Member
Robocop should NOT be reduced to shooting oven mitt wearing Star Trek away team members that suffer from elephantitis and are possibly carved from cheese, no matter what they got in they vans. unless these are killings of mercy.

ps. they sure have a lot of washers to freshly launder their uniforms! also, is that green-topped object a pocketless pool table? cuz maybe these guys are like existential art school dudes that live their art.

which burst into giant blossoms of urine-colored confetti
Click to expand...

MY GOD! they've deployed Trucker Bombs! fucking nihilists.
 
S

Scott

Member
For the follow-up challenge, MAF should play the semi-sequel to "Warriors of Might & Magic," called "Shifters." Still stars everybody's favorite goofy-mask-wearin' hero, only now he can shape-shift, ooooooooh!

 
F

Fafalada

Fafracer forever
Drinky, you should really play Harvest Moon PS2 for the next challenge.
It's hours upon hours of great farming fun ;P And when you get tired you can pet your dog.

Btw have you seen the new HOMM at E3? I was quite surprised, the demo really impressed me (and I've all but given up on the series because of 4).
 
Mr Nash

Mr Nash

square pies = communism
So is the next step in the challenge to have everyone else on GAF start a pool to see who suffers a mental breakdown first, and guess just how this tragedy goes down? I've got a bad feeling someone is going to be in a candy striper uniform and pig tails, licking an over-sized lollipop, and muttering something about how they should have just been a Broadway dancer when the smoke settles here.
 
B

Belfast

Member
Scott said:
For the follow-up challenge, MAF should play the semi-sequel to "Warriors of Might & Magic," called "Shifters." Still stars everybody's favorite goofy-mask-wearin' hero, only now he can shape-shift, ooooooooh!

Click to expand...


Shit. I was going to pick that one, too! But Pryzym seemed untouchable. :(

Edit: I could attempt to make a video of me playing through the last level of Charlie's Angels, but I would need somewhere to host it.
 
B

btutterrow

Member
I respect your choices, but the real winner would have chose DARK ANGEL: VAMPIRE APOCALYPSE for the other person. 800 hours of horror/gameplay/horrible gameplay.
 
B

Belfast

Member
btutterrow said:
I respect your choices, but the real winner would have chose DARK ANGEL: VAMPIRE APOCALYPSE for the other person. 800 hours of horror/gameplay/horrible gameplay.
Click to expand...

Dammit! I considered that one, too! Next time around, I'll be sure to choose it.
 
J

Jonnyboy117

Member
johnjohnson said:
How much would that be in numbers? I'm not used to the US school marks...
Click to expand...

In school, a C- equates to about 70/100, as MAF said. But qualitatively, it means "average, nearly below average". In game review scales out of ten, a C- is closer to 5/10, but it depends on how that site/mag defines the scale. I tend to give average games scores close to 5/10, but many people (especially Americans) consider 7/10 to be average.
 
J

johnjohnson

Member
Thanks for the info! :)

Well then... I have to say that I don't agree with Drinky on that! Shadow Hearts might not be as good as Shadow Hearts Covenant, but nevertheless it's a good RPG.
 
B

Belfast

Member
Attack You said:
Oh my god... It's only a minute into the video, and that screaming after every combo makes me want to hit children. :(
Click to expand...

:( I usually mute it when I play.

Also, sorry for the video quality, but full quality was like 2.5 gigs. :(
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Coming to Xbox Game Pass: Diablo IV, The Quarry, Ark: Survival Ascended, and More
News 2
88
5K
adamsapple replied
Fans of Japanese adventure games/mystery game fans, we shall feast in 2024!
10
3K
Nok Su Kow replied
[VGC] Cancelled Hyenas was ‘Sega’s biggest budget game ever’, it’s claimed
News Game Dev 2
93
6K
DaGwaphics replied
Tokyo Game Show 2023 outline announced
Business Event
0
739
IbizaPocholo replied
10 New Games coming to Xbox Game Pass Announced | Xbox Showcase Extended 2023
4
953
SEGA_2012 replied
Top Bottom