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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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F

Femto.

Member
Salamando said:
You got her number on Thursday, and wonder if Saturday is too late? No, no it is not. you're already overthinking. Even if it was too late, text her anyway. Worst thing that can happen is you get ignored.
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Texted her this morning, haven't gotten a reply all day and it's almost midnight.

No dice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
R

Royal_Phalanx

Member
LOL, you're just wasting your life if you get married that early. Some dude I used to know in high school had a kid with his girlfriend when he was 21, I was like WTF are you doing, why throw away your youth like that
 
V

vypek

Member
It seems to work for some people but that seems SUPER rare that it works when people get married really young. I wouldn't think that many people that age know what they are looking for in a partner
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
I imagine it might come down to fear. Fear of not finding someone again, fear of being alone, fear of the unknown...until they reach their thirties and they start to feel the itch.
 
M

Macadinho94

Member
chicko1983 said:
I just caught up with my mate but he didn't get a number last night, so I guess that is that
Click to expand...

Did you not even catch a first name or anything? Guess all you can do is scour through Facebook, if she's around your age then surely you'll have at least one mutual friend which will help narrow the search down. Even call into the bar and ask the name of the girl whose party she was at and you can start that way. You seemed really into her so why not follow up on it.
 
C

chicko1983

Member
Macadinho94 said:
Did you not even catch a first name or anything? Guess all you can do is scour through Facebook, if she's around your age then surely you'll have at least one mutual friend which will help narrow the search down. Even call into the bar and ask the name of the girl whose party she was at and you can start that way. You seemed really into her so why not follow up on it.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I am still thinking about it and kicking myself. I had plenty of opportunities to get her number, and even kiss her, but held off as there wasn't any pressure to get it as I knew she would give it to me at the end of the night.

Yeah I got her first name, but not surname. Same thing with her friend. And both of their names were pretty common (too common to scour Facebook).

So she isn't my age (Im 32, she is around 25 based on from when she said she finished school) and I racked my brains as to any other detail which may help me narrow the search down, however we didn't talk about work other than she said she was an administrator when I tried to guess her occupation (which is a good little pick up line Ive found by the way).

The party also wasn't really a formal party, organised through the bar, but rather an informal gathering of friends at the bar for the girls Bday.

Another avenue would be to go onto Tinder, as we joked about that. However, I don't have facebook at the moment so cannot access tinder. And even then it would be a bit of luck as I live in a city.

My last resort would be to go back to the same bar this weekend, and hope that she decides to do the same. This is probably the thing that I will most likely do.

I've only got myself to blame though.
 
C

chicko1983

Member
ZackieChan said:
Honestly, you've put way too much thought into this particular girl.
Click to expand...

haha, I know!

Its mainly due to the circumstances in which it finished.

Had I got her number, I probably wouldn't be thinking about her so much.

Every man wants what he cant have, sort of thing.

When I told my mate who I left with the other girl about why I left without saying goodbye, he just shook his head and didn't say anything for about a minute. Then he called me a dickhead.
 
Z

ZackieChan

Member
Well, you fucked up. Keep going to parties that she might go to, but continue asking other girls out in the meantime! And stay off the drugs if you can't handle it.
 
D

Denzar

Member
chicko1983 said:
Yeah, I am still thinking about it and kicking myself. I had plenty of opportunities to get her number, and even kiss her, but held off as there wasn't any pressure to get it as I knew she would give it to me at the end of the night.

Yeah I got her first name, but not surname. Same thing with her friend. And both of their names were pretty common (too common to scour Facebook).

So she isn't my age (Im 32, she is around 25 based on from when she said she finished school) and I racked my brains as to any other detail which may help me narrow the search down, however we didn't talk about work other than she said she was an administrator when I tried to guess her occupation (which is a good little pick up line Ive found by the way).

The party also wasn't really a formal party, organised through the bar, but rather an informal gathering of friends at the bar for the girls Bday.

Another avenue would be to go onto Tinder, as we joked about that. However, I don't have facebook at the moment so cannot access tinder. And even then it would be a bit of luck as I live in a city.

My last resort would be to go back to the same bar this weekend, and hope that she decides to do the same. This is probably the thing that I will most likely do.

I've only got myself to blame though.
Click to expand...

That might be true, but please don't beat yourself up about it too much. Sure, maybe you shouldn't have popped that pill while you were already flirting with a girl you are interested in.

Besides, call me loose canon but IMO there is nothing wrong with doing some mind altering substancesnow and then. Seems like she is of a different mindset. Or at least, that's the impression I got from reading your story.

I'd go to the same bar, but only once. Even if you meet her there again, you'll have some explaining to do and it won't look good for you. All in all, I hope it turns out differently for you, but I wouldn't count on it.
 
A

Arials

Member
I wouldn't mind some neutral views on something I've had going on recently:

Been talking to this girl for a while, hung out with her a few times. She's cute/shy (at least in person). We've both been flirting with each other a lot but I generally play things cool/aloof around girls in person, which can be to my detriment.

This girl can be quite needy/insecure/immature through text; she always seeks validation from me for things she does, asks me about me sex life/if I'm talking to any other girls and laughs it off as being curious, tries to make me jealous talking about her sex life (not as active as she'd like me to think I suspect), regularly telling me about which celebrities she'd bang, ect. Obviously that's not all we talk about but TBH thinking about it if me and this girl didn't have really compatible personalities I'd have dropped her out of my life ages ago.

She's too much and I want to take a step back and stop talking to her for a week or two, but I don't want to burn any bridges. She instigates like 90% of our text conversations, so I have to say something. I don't want to just ignore her and I don't want to hurt her - she has shown me her vulnerability - even if she is playing games with me. Any ideas on how I should go about handling this?
 
D

Denzar

Member
Arials said:
I wouldn't mind some neutral views on something I've had going on recently:

Been talking to this girl for a while, hung out with her a few times. She's cute/shy (at least in person). We've both been flirting with each other a lot but I generally play things cool/aloof around girls in person, which can be to my detriment.

This girl can be quite needy/insecure/immature through text; she always seeks validation from me for things she does, asks me about me sex life/if I'm talking to any other girls and laughs it off as being curious, tries to make me jealous talking about her sex life (not as active as she'd like me to think I suspect), regularly telling me about which celebrities she'd bang, ect. Obviously that's not all we talk about but TBH thinking about it if me and this girl didn't have really compatible personalities I'd have dropped her out of my life ages ago.

She's too much and I want to take a step back and stop talking to her for a week or two, but I don't want to burn any bridges. She instigates like 90% of our text conversations, so I have to say something. I don't want to just ignore her and I don't want to hurt her - she has shown me her vulnerability - even if she is playing games with me. Any ideas on how I should go about handling this?
Click to expand...

How old is this girl? And I'd just be honest....
 
L

Lone_Prodigy

Member
You've been on a few dates and been talking for some time, yet you've been "aloof". She is pushing you for more.

Reverse the scenario. If a guy here had been on a few dates with a girl and hadn't been getting any signs from her of going any further, everyone would tell him to address the situation (if he likes her), or cut it off (if he doesn't like her).
 
Exr

Exr

Member
Royal_Phalanx said:
Nvm, that was a terrible idea, the site is mostly full of men and a lot of the users are like 40-50, sigh, hardly any 20 something women using it
Click to expand...
My friend has hooked up with a few girls off fetlife. There are definetly some good looking people there.
 
W

waveuponwave

Member
chicko1983 said:
Yeah I got her first name, but not surname. Same thing with her friend. And both of their names were pretty common (too common to scour Facebook).

Another avenue would be to go onto Tinder, as we joked about that. However, I don't have facebook at the moment so cannot access tinder. And even then it would be a bit of luck as I live in a city.
Click to expand...

Did she mention any hobbies or interests that could help you find her online? If she likes to travel she might have a couchsurfing profile (lots of people on there who don't even use it)

But I agree, best move on and learn from the experience. Sometimes I'm still angry with myself for losing sight of a girl at a pub crawl some time ago. (We flirted pretty heavily, somehow got separated into different groups, I thought we'd bump into each other on campus for sure, never saw her again)... but some other people I met later that night turned into great friends, so... you never know what happens
 
A

Arials

Member
Denzar said:
How old is this girl? And I'd just be honest....
Click to expand...

She's 18, I'm 22. I thought she was mature for her age at first.

Lone_Prodigy said:
You've been on a few dates and been talking for some time, yet you've been "aloof". She is pushing you for more.

Reverse the scenario. If a guy here had been on a few dates with a girl and hadn't been getting any signs from her of going any further, everyone would tell him to address the situation (if he likes her), or cut it off (if he doesn't like her).
Click to expand...

I decided to go slow with her specifically because she was getting over her last relationship, I'm pretty sure that's what she wanted initially.

My proposed solution of becoming more aloof is selfish more than anything but I'm having problems with depression right now so I'm not sure I'm in the right place to reach out, and I'm out of town this weekend anyway... I do want to ask her to go out somewhere next week sometime and try progress things there, but that's for then I guess.
 
U

User 479360

Banned
I've got a date tonight, with the girl I mentioned before. The one I met and went on a date with back in November, who wanted some time to work on herself.

She rejoined POF, got in contact with me again (we'd talked just a bit in that time), and then said she missed talking to me/wanted to go out. Her treat. So, we're doing that tonight. She messaged me about it, kind of out of the blue, today.

We're going out for dinner and maybe going to have a drink or two. I mentioned how I thought she'd want to go see Zootopia, because she likes those types of movies, and she was amazed I remembered. Said I'm nice to talk to, and that it seems like I listen and actually care about her as a person instead of just wanting to get into her pants.

I'm looking forward to it, but nervous. This is the one I thought about messaging and saying, "Just delete your POF, and we can start something meaningful."
 
R

radioactivez0r

Member
Macadinho94 said:
Did you not even catch a first name or anything? Guess all you can do is scour through Facebook, if she's around your age then surely you'll have at least one mutual friend which will help narrow the search down. Even call into the bar and ask the name of the girl whose party she was at and you can start that way. You seemed really into her so why not follow up on it.
Click to expand...

Please don't do this, chicko. I get that you are putting too much into this girl you knew for maybe a few hours because you never "click" with other women like this, but look at it from her perspective. Guy shows interest, then disappears to the bathroom and never comes back. You ghosted her. Why would she go out with you even if you did track her down? Also, the hoops you'd have to jump through to even try to get in contact would look, well...creepy. Take something away from the experience, I suppose, and keep trying.
 
C

chicko1983

Member
Denzar said:
That might be true, but please don't beat yourself up about it too much. Sure, maybe you shouldn't have popped that pill while you were already flirting with a girl you are interested in.

Besides, call me loose canon but IMO there is nothing wrong with doing some mind altering substancesnow and then. Seems like she is of a different mindset. Or at least, that's the impression I got from reading your story.

I'd go to the same bar, but only once. Even if you meet her there again, you'll have some explaining to do and it won't look good for you. All in all, I hope it turns out differently for you, but I wouldn't count on it.
Click to expand...

Doing the pill was not that out of form for me either. However, I haven't for a while at a bar (usually only at small house parties with close friends) so that was kind of out of form.

I hadn't really got talking with her before I did it either. I was on a partying night with some teammates for the end of cricket season, so we were planning on getting a little out of control. If it was 10 minutes later, after I had got talking to her again, I wouldn't have done it.

I asked my mate if he would go back to the bar with me this weekend but he is going away for Easter, which means the bar is probably going to be shut anyway.

Im stopping my search for her now though. If by some chance we meet again, I will have to make up some story of coming down with an illness though. But even that will be a stretch to get her to believe it.

waveuponwave said:
Did she mention any hobbies or interests that could help you find her online? If she likes to travel she might have a couchsurfing profile (lots of people on there who don't even use it)

But I agree, best move on and learn from the experience. Sometimes I'm still angry with myself for losing sight of a girl at a pub crawl some time ago. (We flirted pretty heavily, somehow got separated into different groups, I thought we'd bump into each other on campus for sure, never saw her again)... but some other people I met later that night turned into great friends, so... you never know what happens
Click to expand...

To be honest it was a good atypical conversation with not much about hobbies, interests or work. Its probably why it was sort of different. We did talk a little bit about travel, though Im not going to go searching on couchsurfing.

Its not the first time I've done something like this i.e. get along with a girl and never ask her number. It pisses me off a fair bit too. I suppose it stems from my tactic of not going to chat to a girl with the intention of getting her number (it seems to work better for me as there is less pressure).

radioactivez0r said:
Please don't do this, chicko. I get that you are putting too much into this girl you knew for maybe a few hours because you never "click" with other women like this, but look at it from her perspective. Guy shows interest, then disappears to the bathroom and never comes back. You ghosted her. Why would she go out with you even if you did track her down? Also, the hoops you'd have to jump through to even try to get in contact would look, well...creepy. Take something away from the experience, I suppose, and keep trying.
Click to expand...

I spoke to my mate yesterday and he said she was definitely worth some effort to track down. He said he left her and her friend soon after I walked off, didn't really get along or much out of the friend except they talked about Suits for an hour. Another guy in my cricket team spoke to the girl I liked after I left, but didn't get anywhere with her and couldn't really provide me with anymore details except she did ask where I was.

Nah, I tried searching Tinder last night but after about 50 swipes I realised the chances are pretty low in a city of a million people and going on her conversation, I don't think she is still on it.

That is the end of my search. I agree, anything beyond this point is getting creepy. And yeah, she will probably be pissed off with me if I do "randomly" get in contact with her. The only way I see I have a chance is if I really do just randomly bump into her somewhere and she buys the "I was feeling sick" excuse - which is a fucking long shot!

From this point forward, I not thinking any further about her.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Jesus dude, you put some much thought and effort into this. I'm tired from just reading about how much you've done.

I'm glad you're not thinking about her any more and I really hope you mean that and don't become fixated on finding her again.
 
C

chicko1983

Member
Miles Quaritch said:
Jesus dude, you put some much thought and effort into this. I'm tired from just reading about how much you've done.

I'm glad you're not thinking about her any more and I really hope you mean that and don't become fixated on finding her again.
Click to expand...

Haha, I can see how it reads that way.

To be honest mate, the last couple of days have been kind of cathartic for me.

Kind of an awaking of needing to grow up a little bit more and stop acting like I'm still in my early 20s.
 
U

User 479360

Banned
Just got home from my date. We went to one of my favourite restaurants (which she'd never been to and loved), then to see Zootopia (her type of movie, but I liked it.) She was nice enough to treat.

It went really well. She mentioned how I didn't seem as nervous this time, I told her she looked nice, she grabbed my hand near the start of the movie, and then at the end asked if she could be bold and kiss me goodnight.

I suck at kissing, though.

Another female friend told me it's too early to ask her to be in a relationship. We've known each other for several months, but have only gone on two dates.
 
M

Macadinho94

Member
radioactivez0r said:
Please don't do this, chicko. I get that you are putting too much into this girl you knew for maybe a few hours because you never "click" with other women like this, but look at it from her perspective. Guy shows interest, then disappears to the bathroom and never comes back. You ghosted her. Why would she go out with you even if you did track her down? Also, the hoops you'd have to jump through to even try to get in contact would look, well...creepy. Take something away from the experience, I suppose, and keep trying.
Click to expand...

Not really, he could just say he found her jacket and was trying to get in contact with her to give it back or something. Anyway he said he's done on that front.
 
C

chicko1983

Member
OCDChewie said:
Just got home from my date. We went to one of my favourite restaurants (which she'd never been to and loved), then to see Zootopia (her type of movie, but I liked it.) She was nice enough to treat.

It went really well. She mentioned how I didn't seem as nervous this time, I told her she looked nice, she grabbed my hand near the start of the movie, and then at the end asked if she could be bold and kiss me goodnight.

I suck at kissing, though.

Another female friend told me it's too early to ask her to be in a relationship. We've known each other for several months, but have only gone on two dates.
Click to expand...

Good work mate.

Don't worry about kissing technique. You will learn to know what she likes with practice.

And don't ever ask to be in a relationship.
 
MrS

MrS

Banned
OCDChewie said:
Just got home from my date. We went to one of my favourite restaurants (which she'd never been to and loved), then to see Zootopia (her type of movie, but I liked it.) She was nice enough to treat
Click to expand...
How old is this girl? 6?

Anyway, glad to hear it went well.
 
J

Jokab

Member
MrS said:
How old is this girl? 6?

Anyway, glad to hear it went well.
Click to expand...

What? Zootopia looks awesome and I'm 23. I got the same reaction when I said me and my date watched Aladdin, also an amazing movie. What's up with not being able to watch kids movies just because you're older? I don't get it.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
MrS said:
How old is this girl? 6?

Anyway, glad to hear it went well.
Click to expand...

Lol...


Be more open to new experiences dude. Seeing 'kids' movie on a date is a good way to keep things light. Plus it helps that most Disney movies tend to have some adult themes/jokes too.

Now if they'd gone to watch say Happy Feet, you mihht have a point...
 
K

kopitarrulez_11

Member
So I thought I share this story lol.
So I manage at a gas station and this regular who is a bit of cougar comes in and asks "how are you?" and I'm like ehhhh you know hump day it was Wednesday. Than she totally replies with "i wish I had something to hump". I was totally caught off guard hahahaha so what I'm asking was a that green light or she just fucking with me hahahaha.
 
G

gwailo

Banned
How old is this girl? 6?
Click to expand...

We're all on NeoGAF, so chances are we all have hobbies/activities that some (maybe most) people would consider "immature" or "for kids". My wife is 35 and likes watching cartoon movies. She has a stressful job (nurse) and it is a good way for her to relax. A lot of them have humor slated towards adults also. For example, we recently watched The Good Dinosaur, and there was a whole scene dedicated to tripping out on "special" berries, something which most kids aren't gonna get.

I could do without watching Frozen any more though... :b

Anyway, Chewie, do NOT point blank ask this person to be your girlfriend. You will come off as clingy/needy. She obviously likes you, just let it progress naturally by continuing to talk and go out on dates with her.
 
K

kopitarrulez_11

Member
Jokab said:
What? Zootopia looks awesome and I'm 23. I got the same reaction when I said me and my date watched Aladdin, also an amazing movie. What's up with not being able to watch kids movies just because you're older? I don't get it.
Click to expand...
And bunch of my Xbox friends are giving me shit for buying Legos I'm like you guys are fucking tools
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Jokab said:
What? Zootopia looks awesome and I'm 23. I got the same reaction when I said me and my date watched Aladdin, also an amazing movie. What's up with not being able to watch kids movies just because you're older? I don't get it.
Click to expand...

People are insecure or want to project some stupid ideal of adulthood based off of arbitrary none sense. I heard Zootopia was great.
 
U

User 479360

Banned
She likes animated movies. I like them as well, but in small doses, and don't rush out to see them. I'd heard it was great, and it was pretty good.

I remembered her saying she liked those types of movies before, so I earned credit because she was amazed I remembered months later.

I guess telling her to delete her POF account and start something is a bad idea then.
 
X

Xun

Member
On behalf of my friend:

A year ago I met this girl at work. Instantly there was chemistry as it was obvious that we both liked each other. She had just come out of a long term relationship and wasnt looking for a new commitment. Myself being a late bloomer, wanted to play the field more. So I guess without anything being said, we both put each other on the back burner. Wanting to fool around, she starting sleeping with another guy from work in a no strings attached arrangement. She didn't even like him, and complained about him constantly. At the same time I started hitting up Tinder. Even with my Tinder dating I only told her about the bad dates, not the good ones as I guess I didn't want her to be too upset. She was understandably a little jealous.

Flash forward to now. We have been constantly flirting and chatting. My friends all told me to stop mucking around and go for her. I finally plucked up the courage to go for it, only to find out that on that very day, she was going on a first date with another girl from work's twin brother. I was crestfallen. She knew I was upset and almost asked if I was ok with this, to which I replied 'No'. She asked if I would be upset if she kissed him... I said 'Yes'. We didnt speak to each other for a week. That whole week I felt awful. Upset, angry, jealous...all the text book things. I was upset because even though she was sleeping with another guy before, I knew it wasn't serious so although I was upset, it wasn't as bad as this...this was dating. This mean't she was looking for a boyfriend and I wasn't it. This weekend at work, I was forlorn. The girl at work whose twin it is, instantly knew that something was up and quizzed me. I shrugged it off and pretty much fled. Word spread fast that something was wrong and so the girl who this post is about began to ring me and text me looking for me. I ignored it. I didn't know what to say, or what to do. Do I go and tell her that I'm upset with her? She might think I'm saying she can't go out with this guy, it could make it worse. So I ignored her. The next day, I accidentally bump into her and she quizzes me about it. I give her a cryptic response. She keeps asking me what's up and it must be something to do with her. Truthfully she knows what's wrong. I walk out and she shakes her head in anger at me.

Looks like I really screwed things up. I don't see that there is any end to this scenario where I come out happy. In conclusion....what the hell do I do?
Click to expand...
 
G

gwailo

Banned
Looks like I really screwed things up. I don't see that there is any end to this scenario where I come out happy. In conclusion....what the hell do I do?
Click to expand...

This is why you don't date (or try to date) people at work.

But anyhow, your friend seems incredibly immature, hypocritical, and jealous. All gross characteristics.

Nothing really to salvage here. He came off like a clingy psycho and I doubt the girl wants anything more to do with him.

Next time, he has to be more forward with people he as feelings for.

I guess telling her to delete her POF account and start something is a bad idea then.
Click to expand...

You've only been on two dates and she is trying to get you out of your shell, relax and go with it. Be more forward and take initiative on your next dates (be the one the holds her hand, gives her a kiss, etc). That will show you are interested in a relationship with her instead of awkwardly telling her to delete accounts.
 
U

User 479360

Banned
I think another woman tried to flirt with me yesterday, but I was too nervous to really do anything and screwed it up.

I was at the hospital visiting someone, then went to get on an elevator to head down to the main entrance. I noticed that someone female quickly got on the elevator ahead of me with a big cart, so I debated just waiting for the next one. However, I figured there was probably room, was in a rush, etc, so I pressed the down arrow and the door opened again.

I asked her if there was room, she said yes, then apologized as she hadn't seen me there (understandable). The door closed, then she jokingly asked if I was sure I wanted to get on an elevator with her.

I laughed, and said sure, then clammed up and kept looking at my fingers/phone. Then the ride ended, she said to have a good night, I replied and left.

She works there as a blood tech, and was pretty cute.
 
MrS

MrS

Banned
OCDChewie said:
I think another woman hit on me yesterday, but I was too nervous to really do anything and screwed it up.

I was at the hospital visiting someone, then went to get on an elevator to head down to the main entrance. I noticed that someone female quickly got on the elevator ahead of me with a big cart, so I debated just waiting for the next one. However, I figured there was probably room, was in a rush, etc, so I pressed the down arrow and the door opened again.

I asked her if there was room, she said yes, then apologized as she hadn't seen me there (understandable). The door closed, then she jokingly asked if I was sure I wanted to get on an elevator with her.

I laughed, and said sure, then clammed up and kept looking at my fingers/phone. Then the ride ended, she said to have a good night, I replied and left.
Click to expand...
Every woman who talks to you wants to have sex with you, clearly.
 
P

Pasta_Soup

Member
backflip10019 said:
Pretty much this right here. Sorry, Chewie, not every woman who is nice is interested in you.
Click to expand...

True. Though if he was genuinely interested in her, he had nothing to lose by introducing himself, striking up an actual conversation with her, and potentially asking for her number.

You don't really know unless you try, and I'd rather err on the side of "this girl is into me" rather than "she's just being nice" and go for it.
 
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