• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

Status
Not open for further replies.

Servbot24

Banned
It's fate dude. Serendipity. You are gonna marry this girl. Everything happens for a reason.
I'd ignore it and continue living my life, I've said before personally once I break up I don't go back.. but you do you, don't make more of it than what it is. Get coffee if you both want to.

Well I just set coffee for Saturday. I know it's generally not a great idea, but I haven't been able to go a day without thinking about this girl in over a year. If nothing else maybe it will help to move on.
 

Wurst

Member
Was it perfume or her body smell. Coz we're attracted to opposing pheromones or something in mates. I've noticed it in guys I've dated. Some I love the smell of and some are disgusting.

It was her body odor. It smelled.. sour? Not like she hasn't showered in a week, it was an odd off-putting sour smell. I know it's pheromones at work, but I never experienced it while in "close combat". I'm glad that everything else was meh as well, so no big loss

Should I just bluntly tell her that I don't think we fit? Will a WhatsApp message suffice?
 

gaiages

Banned
It was her body odor. It smelled.. sour? Not like she hasn't showered in a week, it was an odd off-putting sour smell. I know it's pheromones at work, but I never experienced it while in "close combat". I'm glad that everything else was meh as well, so no big loss

Should I just bluntly tell her that I don't think we fit? Will a WhatsApp message suffice?

Yes and yes.
 

Septimius

Junior Member
So, gaiages will handle the next OP! Good luck! Been a blast making this thread and following it, at least for the time I was still active. The wedding is in less than a year, and I'm actually not daunted by the idea of having a kid, which is new to me! I guess that part is still some time away, but it's good to know you've found the one.

I'll be around! :)
 

Leeness

Member
So, gaiages will handle the next OP! Good luck! Been a blast making this thread and following it, at least for the time I was still active. The wedding is in less than a year, and I'm actually not daunted by the idea of having a kid, which is new to me! I guess that part is still some time away, but it's good to know you've found the one.

I'll be around! :)

Yo, congrats. 😌
 

gaiages

Banned
So, gaiages will handle the next OP! Good luck! Been a blast making this thread and following it, at least for the time I was still active. The wedding is in less than a year, and I'm actually not daunted by the idea of having a kid, which is new to me! I guess that part is still some time away, but it's good to know you've found the one.

I'll be around! :)

Congrats on the wedding-to-be! You better come back with pics after the honeymoon :3

To the regulars, I'll be drafting up the new OT this weekend. I can use y'all's help on what you wanna see with the OT! I'm hoping it'll be a kind of thing we can use to maybe direct people to for the most common questions (how do I get the gurl--why don't they respond--good books to read--etc).

So, I'm looking for any suggestions on the following:
- New thread name
- Commonly asked questions
- If you or someone else has a post that you think has specifically awesome advice, give me a link to add to the OT
- Books, blogs, and outside resources for dating advice
- Whatever

I'll be scouring the later pages of the thread to find stuff where I can, but any help/suggestions/whatever is welcome :3

If anyone has any suggestions for a new OT, message me to make sure I see it~~
 
Congrats on the wedding-to-be! You better come back with pics after the honeymoon :3

To the regulars, I'll be drafting up the new OT this weekend. I can use y'all's help on what you wanna see with the OT! I'm hoping it'll be a kind of thing we can use to maybe direct people to for the most common questions (how do I get the gurl--why don't they respond--good books to read--etc).

So, I'm looking for any suggestions on the following:
- New thread name
- Commonly asked questions
- If you or someone else has a post that you think has specifically awesome advice, give me a link to add to the OT
- Books, blogs, and outside resources for dating advice
- Whatever

I'll be scouring the later pages of the thread to find stuff where I can, but any help/suggestions/whatever is welcome :3

If anyone has any suggestions for a new OT, message me to make sure I see it~~

I'm going to state my preference for combining the Dating-Age and Online Dating threads, since 98% of the questions refer to "how can I get a date?" and "I've met this girl once and sent her my picture, what next?" Because it's a distinction with a difference, I'd suggest a separate Relationship-Age thread. I feel like, if done right, the OP could answer a ton of relevant questions, too --

Q: Am I overthinking this?
A: Yes.

... like that.

Anyway, instead of overwhelming people with books and blogs, I'd establish a required reading section. In other words, I think everyone should read this article, and I've linked to it several times: https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes. It's an 8 minute read, so negligible effort. Beyond that, there's the standard recommendations: Manson's other book, Aziz's Modern Romance, and Dataclysm by the OKCupid guys. I'll toss in one that I've found helpful and interesting, because at the end of the day, the relationship that matters most to everyone is the one they have with themselves: Be the Person You Want to Find, by Cheri Huber.

There's also an eloquent way to state this, but incorporating the idea of "would you date you?" into the OP might help too. Because we've all responded to the OP (or variations thereof) that's basically, "I'm really depressed. I have no hobbies and I think I'm unattractive. Why am I not getting any matches on Tinder?" I almost feel like that's a niche that warrants a thread all its own, but I'm not quite sure.

Anyway, thread title ideas! And some have been suggested before!

Dating-Age |OT6| "DATE ME. NOW!" - Jason's Ultimatum
Dating-Age |OT6| We Spent 20 Pokeballs on a Zubat
Dating-Age |OT6| You're Overthinking It
Dating-Age |OT6| Just Ask Her Out Already
 
Not sure how to ask this, but here goes.

My wife and I are starting a separation for reasons I will for now not say. But she has stated that she wants me to see other people, for fairness reasons.

My question is, how do I go about this? Do I flat out say I am married but separate? Do I avoid telling them why? And for the love of God, where do I even start? I live in a rural area, so the pool is pretty shallow to begin with.

I am honestly lost here, I have group anxiety problems when it comes to crowded places and few friends to help me figure this stuff out.

Mind you, I love my wife and would never think of sleeping with anyone else. But I am just lost right now. I know if I don't at least try it will make things worse. But I don't know if I have it in me anymore. She was the first woman I ever really dated, and we met through friends. So the actual real life dating scene is a mystery to me.

If this isn't the place to be asking this, feel free to disregard.
 
Not sure how to ask this, but here goes.

My wife and I are starting a separation for reasons I will for now not say. But she has stated that she wants me to see other people, for fairness reasons.

My question is, how do I go about this? Do I flat out say I am married but separate? Do I avoid telling them why? And for the love of God, where do I even start? I live in a rural area, so the pool is pretty shallow to begin with.

I am honestly lost here, I have group anxiety problems when it comes to crowded places and few friends to help me figure this stuff out.

Mind you, I love my wife and would never think of sleeping with anyone else. But I am just lost right now. I know if I don't at least try it will make things worse. But I don't know if I have it in me anymore. She was the first woman I ever really dated, and we met through friends. So the actual real life dating scene is a mystery to me.

If this isn't the place to be asking this, feel free to disregard.

You're in no position to be dating. You won't be for a while: months, if not years. At best, you could probably stomach a purely physical fling; you're not in a position to give or receive the kind of emotional attention a new partner needs. You're eventually going to divorce (legal separations are really pointless unless required by the state in which you live), which means you'll need to work on making yourself ready to date again. You're going to be confused and miserable for a long time. And it's going to get better, slowly. You'll likely have a string failed relationships as you learn how to date again and identify what you want out of relationships itself.

So, to answer your questions specifically: you don't go about doing this, unless it's purely a FWB situation. You NEVER conceal your situation or avoid telling anyone why. The fact that you think "if you don't try" to sleep with other people will "make things worse" is telling: frankly, your marriage is probably over and she's telling you to fuck around to absolve herself of guilt (because she's already fucking around). How will you not engaging in unhealthy behaviors (i.e., trying to date when you're clearly not ready) make things worse? (It won't.)

Oh, and you should probably arrange a consultation with a divorce attorney. Seriously.
 

Lucian Cat

Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Sometimes I think I smell gross and girls say they like it. So weird.
I find it fascinating. I love the smell of dudes when we have the opposite pheromone thing going on. It's so good.
It was her body odor. It smelled.. sour? Not like she hasn't showered in a week, it was an odd off-putting sour smell. I know it's pheromones at work, but I never experienced it while in "close combat". I'm glad that everything else was meh as well, so no big loss

Should I just bluntly tell her that I don't think we fit? Will a WhatsApp message suffice?
Yeah if you had babies with her they would have terrible immune systems lol.
Just WhatsApp a thanks but no thanks. But a lot more eloquently lol.


That dude I was seeing went weird so back to the drawing board lol. Got a few guys lined up already.
 
So the girl I've been seeing for a month just gave me the, "I've got too much baggage for this to go any further, let's be friends" drivel, so that's that with her. Told her best of luck, then I gtfo there.

At least I'll be in San Juan, Puerto Rico in 2 weeks. 8)
 

Jhoan

Member
So latest updates from my end. Asian girl that I went out with on Monday got back to me today and let me down by stating that she's getting back with her ex which I kind of feel like it's a nice way of letting me down since people can lie through texts so that's that.

Today's date went all right. Not good, not bad, but okay. It took me half an hour to find the girl at the park which got me annoyed. Other than that, it went solid even though I didn't touch her at all. She was as chatty as she was via texts. I was getting kind of bored to be honest but she was cool otherwise so I'll probably ask her out again and give her a fair shake. She hinted at me that she wouldn't be willing to come up to my way so that's food for thought on something long term.

Another girl I've been speaking to on OKC already asked me out 3 exchanges in for this weekend. I plan on responding and giving her my number soon so it looks like I'm going to have 5 dates back to back week breaking my personal record of 3 dates in one week.

Been speaking to yet another one who lives with family like me and is my age so I can see something being set up for next week at the rate it's going.

Have a date tomorrow with another girl from Tinder so we'll see how that goes. I have no plans aside from meeting up at a Starbucks and winging it.

Lastly, the girl I met up with yesterday got back to me and hit me with a loaded bunch of texts. The gist of it is that she thinks I'm an attractive and smart guy but she's looking for something long term and wouldn't see it working out on account of us living in different boroughs or about 1.5 hours away by subway give or take. She also also said that would be friends with me but finds me too attractive. I've never been in such a situation before. My brother thinks I shouldn't respond and move on but I'm willing to give it a fair chance and see where it goes. If anything, I'm willing to leave the ball in her court. Advice?
 

Prologue

Member
So latest updates from my end. Asian girl that I went out with on Monday got back to me today and let me down by stating that she's getting back with her ex which I kind of feel like it's a nice way of letting me down since people can lie through texts so that's that.

Today's date went all right. Not good, not bad, but okay. It took me half an hour to find the girl at the park which got me annoyed. Other than that, it went solid even though I didn't touch her at all. She was as chatty as she was via texts. I was getting kind of bored to be honest but she was cool otherwise so I'll probably ask her out again and give her a fair shake.

Another girl I've been speaking to on OKC already asked me out 3 exchanges in for this weekend. I plan on responding and giving her my number soon so it looks like I'm going to have 5 dates back to back week breaking my personal record of 3 dates in one week.

Been speaking to yet another one who lives with family like me and is my age so I can see something being set up for next week at the rate it's going.

Have a date tomorrow with another girl from Tinder so we'll see how that goes. I have no plans aside from meeting up at a Starbucks and winging it.

Lastly, the girl I met up with yesterday got back to me and hit me with a loaded bunch of texts. The gist of it is that she thinks I'm an attractive and smart guy but she's looking for something long term and wouldn't see it working out on account of us living in different boroughs or about 1.5 hours away by subway give or take. She also also said that would be friends with me but finds me too attractive. I've never been in such a situation before. My brother thinks I shouldn't respond and move on but I'm willing to give it a fair chance and see where it goes. If anything, I'm willing to leave the ball in her court. Advice?

What are the boroughs? My girlfriend lives in Queens and I live in the Bronx. We meet in the city or she simply comes to me after work since she works in the city. Not wanting to pursue because of being in different boroughs, with one of the best cities for public transportation, is a bit of a cop out. I'd voice out that the distance isn't a factor and you two can find some sort of compromise. But if she insists on it being a problem, I wouldn't even bother with her. Even hearing that sort of response would annoy me.
 

Jhoan

Member
What are the boroughs? My girlfriend lives in Queens and I live in the Bronx. We meet in the city or she simply comes to me after work since she works in the city. Not wanting to pursue because of being in different boroughs, with one of the best cities for public transportation, is a bit of a cop out.
I thought you were out in Jersey! There's an NYC GAF thread in OT-Community you know but on my phone so too lazy to link it.

And way, I'm in Northern Manhattan/Washington Heights, she's out in Bushwick. It's an excuse I've heard and encountered far too often dating many girls who live in the outer boroughs so I agree. Heck, my middle brother who's married dated girls who lived in Brooklyn just fine including his now wife. Ideally, I'd love to date a girl who lives in my neighborhood and is into similar things I'm into but I haven't found one that's lasted past two dates. The girl I went out with today lives in Queens and hinted that she wouldn't go past Harlem.
 

Prologue

Member
I thought you were out in Jersey! There's an NYC GAF thread in OT-Community you know but on my phone so too lazy to link it.

And way, I'm in Northern Manhattan/Washington Heights, she's out in Bushwick. It's an excuse I've heard and encountered far too often dating many girls who live in the outer boroughs so I agree. Heck, my middle brother who's married dated girls who lived in Brooklyn just fine including his now wife. Ideally, I'd love to date a girl who lives in my neighborhood and is into similar things I'm into but I haven't found one that's lasted past two dates. The girl I went out with today lives in Queens and hinted that she wouldn't go past Harlem.


Well we've been together for 2.5 years, and for more than a year I was living around 231st in the bronx while she live in Saint Albans. Now I live in Buffalo for dental school and doing long distance. Most of your dates would be in the city and then you two would part. And then eventually you two take turns with the commute. Its not the worst problem to have and actually gives the relationship some breathing room. You're better off without those women anyway if they're going to make that big of a fuss about it. Even gives you the excuse to spend the night.

I should definitely do the GAF NYC hang out sometime. Been a bumpy year getting use to school though and getting through some family stuff. Hopefully for the upcoming winter season!
 

Jhoan

Member
Well we've been together for 2.5 years, and for more than a year I was living around 231st in the bronx while she live in Saint Albans. Now I live in Buffalo for dental school and doing long distance. Most of your dates would be in the city and then you two would part. And then eventually you two take turns with the commute. Its not the worst problem to have and actually gives the relationship some breathing room. You're better off without those women anyway if they're going to make that big of a fuss about it. Even gives you the excuse to spend the night.

I should definitely do the GAF NYC hang out sometime. Been a bumpy year getting use to school though and getting through some family stuff. Hopefully for the upcoming winter season!
I see. That's what I'm thinking as well. Although I don't know if I want a long term relationship or something short term. I'm just looking to see where things go and see what happens organically. The reason I wouldn't mind dating a girl from the outer boroughs would be to get know new areas so I might just argue in favor of telling the Brooklyn girl to give it a fair shake. She used being busy once school starts again as part of the excuse.
 

M52B28

Banned
Is it okay to be picky on online dating? I feel strange just passing up girls who like me on OkCupid, but I have no interest in meeting with them, plus I'm not really physically attracted to many of them.
 

vern

Member
Is it okay to be picky on online dating? I feel strange just passing up girls who like me on OkCupid, but I have no interest in meeting with them, plus I'm not really physically attracted to many of them.

Of course it's ok. Why waste time meeting people you aren't attracted to?
 

Salamando

Member
Is it okay to be picky on online dating? I feel strange just passing up girls who like me on OkCupid, but I have no interest in meeting with them, plus I'm not really physically attracted to many of them.

<sarcasm>No, it's not okay. You should go out with anyone who ever expresses an interest in dating you. Ever.</sarcasm>

Really, it's perfectly fine. If you're dating someone you're not attracted to, the relationship will fail sooner or later anyway. You don't return their like, they'll forget in 15 minutes who you are.
 

Mory Dunz

Member
Is it okay to be picky on online dating? I feel strange just passing up girls who like me on OkCupid, but I have no interest in meeting with them, plus I'm not really physically attracted to many of them.

It's not okay.
You're at least obligated to respond to any and every message you receive. "Passing up" is disrespectful. If you're not interested, show some decency and reply "you're awesome and great and perfect, but I'm not interested" so as to keep their ego in tact. That's key.
Doing anything less is insulting.
 

M52B28

Banned
It just seems strange. If these people were to approach me in person, I wouldn't ignore them like this. It's too easy to just click off and be on to the next.

I've had this account for a bit, but this is usually something that bothers me about online dating.
 
Congrats on the wedding-to-be! You better come back with pics after the honeymoon :3

To the regulars, I'll be drafting up the new OT this weekend. I can use y'all's help on what you wanna see with the OT! I'm hoping it'll be a kind of thing we can use to maybe direct people to for the most common questions (how do I get the gurl--why don't they respond--good books to read--etc).

So, I'm looking for any suggestions on the following:
- New thread name
- Commonly asked questions
- If you or someone else has a post that you think has specifically awesome advice, give me a link to add to the OT
- Books, blogs, and outside resources for dating advice
- Whatever

I'll be scouring the later pages of the thread to find stuff where I can, but any help/suggestions/whatever is welcome :3

If anyone has any suggestions for a new OT, message me to make sure I see it~~

Dating-Age |OT6| Press X To Jason

Books: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari
 
More than anything, the source of my frustration... I just wish I could know what I need to fix, or what my problem/deficiency is. Not even my friends can contribute to this.
 
Is it okay to be picky on online dating? I feel strange just passing up girls who like me on OkCupid, but I have no interest in meeting with them, plus I'm not really physically attracted to many of them.
If you're not into them, you're not into them. I've been on dates to give a girl a chance who I wasn't attracted to but IRL there was still no spark even if they were a nice person. You don't have to. There are plenty of others who you'll be physically attracted to and it'll be a two-way street. No point in leading them on, that's worse than just telling them that you're not interested or ignoring them which is acceptable as was shown in another thread.

So many in there think they are owed a final good-bye before blocking, or some other kind of courtesy. Online dating isn't for the weak of heart, but the potential benefits are amazing. Be strong.

The thread: http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1253124

Lmao that thread is ridiculous. Most of the posters there have no clue how online dating works (no one 'deserves' anything from anyone, especially if it's some stranger).
 

Xun

Member
2nd date went well!

We had a few pretty intense make out sessions at the bar and honestly had no one else been there it most definitely would've escalated further...

I'm actually pretty embarrassed to be honest haha.

I'll see how things go from here I guess.
3rd date tonight!

Should be good.
 

'Heaven Sniper

Neo Member
Hey Dating GAF,

Been following this thread for a long time, and I'm looking for advice regarding the girl I am currently involved with.

We've been dating for almost 4 months, but in that time we've only been out together 5 times. She works a full-time job and is always busy. We're in touch regularly through text and snapchat but she's never really blowing up my phone. I've tried calling her a few times but she doesn't seem as comfortable on the phone. She's 20, and I'm 24.

Things were moving along at a snail's pace, but it seemed to be getting better when we made dinner at my place. One thing led to another, and we finally made out and cuddled all night. I didn't sleep with her and frankly, I'm surprised she let me do as much as I did. It took 4 dates for anything physical to happen.

Now I thought things would be smooth sailing the following week but she was dodging dates just as much as before. I finally got her out this past Sunday and asked her what she thought we were doing. She said that she didn't wanna commit to anything because she was enjoying her freedom. Apparently her last relationship was like a prison. So I said to her, "Oh than you must be dating multiple guys." She said that she has a lot of friends that she keeps as friends, but I was the only one she was seeing right now. When I said I wasn't seeing anyone else, she was shocked and actually encouraged me to date around.

Basically, she says we're friends but still allows me to kiss her. I'm assuming she wants to casually date and be friends with benefits. I tried to get her to come over tonight but no luck (she had a paper to do).

So GAF, I'm wondering what my next move should be. I'm okay with being friends with benefits if that what she really wants. After being honest with myself, I don't really like her personality but she is so hot that I wanna see where this goes. Thoughts?

UPDATE: We went on two more dates after I posted this story. Me and her were taking pictures together, being affectionate, talking about the future, and acting like a couple even if we still weren't. We never slept together. I caught feelings hard and felt like I could turn this into a real relationship. She even agreed to be my date at my friend's wedding. We continued to text and snap everyday for the next couple weeks even though she was busy with work and family trips.

But over the past week, it seemed like she was pulling back. Texts went unanswered or had replies received after half a day. I couldn't figure out why so I finally called her to talk about it tonight. I told her how much I cared about her and that things had felt off between us recently. She didn't reciprocate my feelings and said that she didn't want to lead me on. According to her, she likes being single and thought we were really good friends. We decided it was best if we didn't go to the wedding together because it would further intensify any feelings that I had. The weird thing is, she still wants to keep in touch. She doesn't want me to delete her off social media and she doesn't want me to ignore her if she reaches out to me. She even said that we should hit up bars together when she turns 21 later this year.

I told her I wouldn't ignore her but that I would need some time and space to heal. It really is my first heartbreak and it really really sucks right now, but I'm so lucky to have a strong support system in my family and friends to help me. I even have another date to the wedding already. I ask you guys to learn from my mistakes. It's life and shit happens but I think I'll be okay.

TLDR: I fell for the girl I was hooking up with, and she didn't feel the same way. Never put all your eggs into one basket, cause it'll drop hard.
 

Salamando

Member
- New thread name

Dating-Age |OT6| Advice so nice you'll wish you didn't ignore it
Dating-Age |OT6| Where "Surprise sushi dinner" isn't a sex act
Dating-Age |OT6| We're not Friendship-age, dammit!

I told her I wouldn't ignore her but that I would need some time and space to heal. It really is my first heartbreak and it really really sucks right now, but I'm so lucky to have a strong support system in my family and friends to help me. I even have another date to the wedding already. I ask you guys to learn from my mistakes. It's life and shit happens but I think I'll be okay.

TLDR: I fell for the girl I was hooking up with, and she didn't feel the same way. Never put all your eggs into one basket, cause it'll drop hard.

Speaking of advice that needs to be in the OP, as if it being on every page wasn't enough...

So this girl thought you were "really good friends" even though you've kissed and cuddled? That's BS. And she wants you in her life so she has someone she can do boyfriend stuff with without having a boyfriend.
 

gaiages

Banned
So many good thread titles, lol.

Diaboli, re: combining Online and normal Dating threads--while there is a lot of overlap, combining them might make the thread just a little too bloated. There are a lot of things in the Online Dating thread that only get asked in said thread, like help with profiles and messages, people's pics, chat about the apps themselves, etc. Yes, some of that is in this thread as well, but I feel like with combining them, there's too much of a chance for posts to get lost in shuffle. And also, I assume they were separated for some reason in the first place.

A Relationship GAF is an interesting idea, I'm not sure how much others are interested though.

We still need that Friendship GAF tho
 

Pachimari

Member
Is it normal that I haven't moved on from the breakup of me and my ex back in January?

There have been things that constantly got it back in my mind. In April she sent me pictures of her and her ex boyfriend being together again, which I didn't have any need to know, and this week she came to me in the bar apologizing for it.

And now it's on my mind again. It's just really annoying when people act surprised like "you haven't moved on yet?", "move on!" etc. It's just not that easy but I am doing the right things in staying occupied with my own interests.

Just wanted to know if it's not normal.
 
Is it normal that I haven't moved on from the breakup of me and my ex back in January?

There have been things that constantly got it back in my mind. In April she sent me pictures of her and her ex boyfriend being together again, which I didn't have any need to know, and this week she came to me in the bar apologizing for it.

And now it's on my mind again. It's just really annoying when people act surprised like "you haven't moved on yet?", "move on!" etc. It's just not that easy but I am doing the right things in staying occupied with my own interests.

Just wanted to know if it's not normal.

How long were you two together? That picture thing is brutal.
 

Jokab

Member
Feel like my GF has been acting a bit distant the past week or so. I did meet her whole extended family last weekeend, but during that time it felt like she was less affectionate than she usually is. I was planning on bringing it up over the phone on Monday but then we agreed for her to stay at my place after she got off work on Wednesday (11pm), it's on the way home to her anyway. So I figured I might as well talk about it then. But then right after she got off she texted me she was feeling down so she went home, but we are meeting this weekend instead. The reason we can't meet much is because I work the whole summer during the day, and she often works until late in the evening, with only one or two days off per week, during which she has to cram in both me and friends/family.

Anyway, to the point. I just found out the family cat was put down from my mom over text. Texted my GF that I was sad (can't call because I'm at work), but got no response for an hour. Combined with my insecurity about her affection and non-response to the text, I checked if she had been online on messenger, she had. Checked again later, she had been online again. I know she has the day off, so she's not at work. Got a response 1,5 hours later.

Am I ridiculous for being upset about this? I feel like I want to tell her "why do you ignore my texts when I'm sad?" but I also realize she could have been busy, going somewhere and just got on messenger to tell her friend where she was or something. I just know if she had sent me a similar text, I would have stopped to respond pretty much no matter what I was doing. Maybe that's just me though?

This is my first proper relationship going on 6 months now and I often feel inexperienced on how to handle some situations. Our communication has been good but I don't know if I'm being ridiculous in this matter to the point where I shouldn't even bring it up.

On top of the question above, I have another question: do you people tell your SO every concern you have or do you realize that some of them just too silly to bring up?
 

'Heaven Sniper

Neo Member
Dating-Age |OT6| Advice so nice you'll wish you didn't ignore it
Dating-Age |OT6| Where "Surprise sushi dinner" isn't a sex act
Dating-Age |OT6| We're not Friendship-age, dammit!



Speaking of advice that needs to be in the OP, as if it being on every page wasn't enough...

So this girl thought you were "really good friends" even though you've kissed and cuddled? That's BS. And she wants you in her life so she has someone she can do boyfriend stuff with without having a boyfriend.

I called her out on that. I told her that because we got physical, we were automatically more than "just friends." Haha maybe I'm making the wrong kind of friends. I agree with you that it was complete BS. Girl wants to have her cake and eat it too.
 

Wurst

Member
4 years. We lived together in my apartment.

Dude, its been only 3 months since my 3,5 year relationship ended. We also lived together. I feel you, im not entirely over it either.

Yesterday i Visited her Facebook and saw a Dude i didnt recognise congratulating her for her birthday. Suddenly feelings kicked in again. Id be devastated if she had a new guy, honestly. The thought of her with another man makes me sick. I try to surpress these thought.

In the end, its a big part of your life gone. Keep filling that hole with new, awesome memories and feelings!

Edit: pretty shitty of her to send you those pics. Id suggest blocking her, keep your distance
 

gwailo

Banned
4 years. We lived together in my apartment.

That's a pretty long time and living together suggests you were pretty serious, and her sending pics just basically ripped open the Band-Aid on your wounded heart.

How did she send pictures? This sounds like the person you need to delete/block. A lot of GAF will push to stay friends no matter what, but that is such a fucking cunty move. If you ever see her again, just say (politely) for her to not to contact you again. Don't make a big scene about it though. This girl seems like a big drama queen and would probably love a big meltdown from you.

As for yourself, what have you been doing since the breakup? You should be moving on at this point and dating other people, or at least making yourself better, whether it's going to the gym, taking classes, finding a new hobby, traveling, etc. Basically you need to have something going where you are not thinking about this girl, or if you do, it's how much better off you are without her.

Yesterday i Visited her Facebook and saw a Dude i didnt recognise congratulating her for her birthday. Suddenly feelings kicked in again. Id be devastated if she had a new guy, honestly. The thought of her with another man makes me sick. I try to surpress these thought.

Unless there's a kid involved with you two, you need to block your ex as well.
 

OCD Guy

Member
I've finally decided to give up on internet dating for a few reasons.

The first of which is the sheer paranoioa of people, honestly it got pretty tiring being accused of catfish and having to take selfies each time with their name or date written on a piece of paper, and even that didn't satisfy people so they wanted to video call too which I did a couple of times but it's just too much hassle as conversation was always focused on whether I was lying about who I said I was than trying to get to know me. It wouldn't have been a problem if it was a few people but it was pretty much anyone I spoke to.

But ultimately I think I need time to be alone (after coming from a longish relationship).

Good luck to anyone else still on the dating circuit.
 

Pachimari

Member
Dude, its been only 3 months since my 3,5 year relationship ended. We also lived together. I feel you, im not entirely over it either.

Yesterday i Visited her Facebook and saw a Dude i didnt recognise congratulating her for her birthday. Suddenly feelings kicked in again. Id be devastated if she had a new guy, honestly. The thought of her with another man makes me sick. I try to surpress these thought.

In the end, its a big part of your life gone. Keep filling that hole with new, awesome memories and feelings!

Edit: pretty shitty of her to send you those pics. Id suggest blocking her, keep your distance

Well, her boyfriend is her ex boyfriend, the one she were together with before me, and said she had no feelings for or anything. They even cheated each other, but now they're back together. Her boyfriend have been sending me threats on email, so I went to the police the other day. Anyway, that she came to me in the bar, introducing her new friends and telling me he's outside fucking ripped open my heart again. I couldn't keep the tears inside.

That's a pretty long time and living together suggests you were pretty serious, and her sending pics just basically ripped open the Band-Aid on your wounded heart.

How did she send pictures? This sounds like the person you need to delete/block. A lot of GAF will push to stay friends no matter what, but that is such a fucking cunty move. If you ever see her again, just say (politely) for her to not to contact you again. Don't make a big scene about it though. This girl seems like a big drama queen and would probably love a big meltdown from you.

As for yourself, what have you been doing since the breakup? You should be moving on at this point and dating other people, or at least making yourself better, whether it's going to the gym, taking classes, finding a new hobby, traveling, etc. Basically you need to have something going where you are not thinking about this girl, or if you do, it's how much better off you are without her.

Unless there's a kid involved with you two, you need to block your ex as well.

Well, I cried out like a baby in front of her which sucks, but I couldn't keep it in. I didn't say a word to her, and just left the bar.

Since the breakup, I have been on a 1 month vacation to Asia and I were totally over it, but then she sent those pictures of her and her ex boyfriend together to my email on my birthday. I have also been on 1 date which was nice but didn't pan out to anything else than a weak friendship. And I have started getting into Buddhism which has helped me tremendously. Besides that, I have started going to the gym and have a membership, while I also try learn a new language.

It's just these two incidents, that have led me to think about her a lot. I basically sat there in the bar, and there weren't that many people as it was 5 in the evening, and I turn around, and suddenly she sits there besides me asking "how are you doing?". I almost freaking jumped out of my seat at the shock of seeing her.

PS: I blocked her everywhere, but the thing with gmail is, that it only sends the mail to my spam folder.
 

gaiages

Banned

Was she only "less affectionate" while around the extended family? If so there could be a reason for that. Maybe they're very conservative, or they just stress her out? I'm overall less affectionate towards my bf when I'm around his mom, both because it's his mom and don't want her to think I'm a hussy or something, and she has a heavy accent that forces me to concentrate when I'm listening to her. I mean, it could be any number of reasons.

As for the text thing, those "online" indicators, I find, are very inaccurate. It could easily say you're online when you're not. For example, if I check FB on the web, Messenger will say I'm online, but I sure as heck am not paying attention to the messages. Or when OKC says you're online even though you just might have left the webpage open or something. I wouldn't put too much into it unless she said she READ it and didn't respond. But she responded, and within a pretty good time frame imo. If you really wanted to talk to her right then (which is understandable), call next time.

I think your grief is causing you to over think things a bit. That's fine. Just hang out with your gf this weekend and see how things feel then. If she keeps cancelling, that can be a problem, but if that happens, you'll need to talk to her about it then.
 

Ron Mexico

Member
but then she sent those pictures of her and her ex boyfriend together to my email on my birthday

No. Just no. If there were ever reason for a scorched earth policy, this is it. That shows how much she valued your time together-- so much so that she had to rub your nose in it at the first opportunity.

Also, the latest episode of This American Life (Captain's Log) has a section on Aziz Ansari's Modern Romance where it shares some recorded examples of the types of things in the book. Even if just as snippets for someone who hasn't read the whole thing, it's a nice primer.

Just be warned, the couple stories before are depressing as all hell.
 

Pachimari

Member
Yeah well, that's why I feel so hurt. And then she's all casual when she meets me, saying we can be friends. And then later she emails me mean messages, like "they are both laughing at me and thinking I'm an idiot", and that "she is going to get f***** by him now, and even though I'm a sweet girl I will do anything he says." And that I should move on already, but that's damn easy for her to say, when she got a boyfriend and new friends and all. It just really hurts, and I can feel it physically in my body and heart as well.

I have started meditating and grieving that way at night now, so I hope that can help me cope as well. Buddhism has helped me a lot.
 

OCD Guy

Member
Yeah well, that's why I feel so hurt. And then she's all casual when she meets me, saying we can be friends. And then later she emails me mean messages, like "they are both laughing at me and thinking I'm an idiot", and that "she is going to get f***** by him now, and even though I'm a sweet girl I will do anything he says." And that I should move on already, but that's damn easy for her to say, when she got a boyfriend and new friends and all. It just really hurts, and I can feel it physically in my body and heart as well.

I have started meditating and grieving that way at night now, so I hope that can help me cope as well. Buddhism has helped me a lot.

As hard as it may be, don't even focus your energy on negative people. She want's a reaction, don't even give her the satisfaction.

Move on and eventually you'll find someone that is worth giving what little time we actually have on this earth.

A lot of people think I don't care as I barely react to things, but when you take a step back and look at things that you might have ordinarily reacted to, or got upset, annoyed etc you realise that it's not worth it.

Being upset, or annoyed isn't going to change anything, and besides look at the positive, at least you haven't wasted too much time on her. You've seen her true colours now, her actions say a lot about what type of person she is.
 

gwailo

Banned
The way she is so casual about it indicates she is a sociopath. If it makes you feel any better, she is trying to use you as a "nice guy backup" because she will go back to her asshole boyfriend and he will cheat on her again so she is looking for someone to dump her feelings on. Anyway, they're both going to make each other miserable for a long time and I would put her in with the restraining order you filed against the boyfriend. Also don't bother checking with your spam folder and/or contact Google to see if there's a way to totally block her address.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom