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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.

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Seriously, why is it that 8 months after breaking up a 4 year relationship that was really ‘’done’’ I feel heartbroken when I notice that my ex has a new lover?

I’m 36 years old damnit, this shouldn’t hurt me at all, I mean she has every right to do whatever the fuck she wants, but the idea of some other guy with her now, sigh….

I now deleted her from every social media I had her on cause I really can’t seem to take it at this moment, while I feel like I would be ‘’a man’’ if I could be just happy for her or something…

This is a pretty normal reaction. You may have moved on, and even be over her, but there is still some residual feelings that are tough to get past, particularly if you're not dating anyone at the time. I wouldn't sweat it too much, like I said, this is a normal reaction. Just keeping moving ahead, and focus on yourself.
 

kittoo

Cretinously credulous
She bailed on you, as far as I'm concerned communication is now in her court. If she wants to have dinner with you, she brings it up, sets it up and is the mastermind behind it. You're gonna cook food at your house regardless of whether or not she comes so I don't see why you need to inform her again. She's aware you'll cook again (I hope).

Yes she is aware I am going to cook frequently.
Yeah I am not doing anything. I am not going to bring up the topic at all altogether. Let's see what happens. If she doesnt bring it up, at least I will know where she stands.
 

NIGHT-

Member
What's the protocol on knowing if you're exclusive or not? I've been "dating" a girl for the past month or so and we've had sex a few times, but we've never had the talk about if we're seeing (going on dates, talking with) other people too. Should that be automatically assumed once you're already having sex? Would it be unethical to go on dates with other girls too at this point?

Also, this part in the OP:


I tried this the other night with her and got a BAD reaction. I expressed to her different things I like (and didn't like) and she thought I came off as too technical about sex. The problem started when she said that wasn't a fan of going down on me (sigh), so I started talking about other things we could do instead of just straight up missionary. That ended badly. I honestly was not aware that some women don't like giving oral. I always felt like it was a basic part of foreplay. How do I broach this subject without making her feel like a disappointment?

(And yes, I've gone down on her every single time and she loves it. She just won't reciprocate and said that it's never been an issue for any of her previous partners.)


Just depends on the girl. I hit it off with a a girl from Pof a while back. We hit it off rather well and I assumed after a few weeks of dating that we were doing something exclusive, even though she wasn't ready for a relationship. She ended up informing me she was seeing another guy and taking it slow with him too...
 
What's the protocol on knowing if you're exclusive or not? I've been "dating" a girl for the past month or so and we've had sex a few times, but we've never had the talk about if we're seeing (going on dates, talking with) other people too. Should that be automatically assumed once you're already having sex? Would it be unethical to go on dates with other girls too at this point?

Also, this part in the OP:


I tried this the other night with her and got a BAD reaction. I expressed to her different things I like (and didn't like) and she thought I came off as too technical about sex. The problem started when she said that wasn't a fan of going down on me (sigh), so I started talking about other things we could do instead of just straight up missionary. That ended badly. I honestly was not aware that some women don't like giving oral. I always felt like it was a basic part of foreplay. How do I broach this subject without making her feel like a disappointment?

(And yes, I've gone down on her every single time and she loves it. She just won't reciprocate and said that it's never been an issue for any of her previous partners.)

If sex is very important to you & a blowjob is integral to sex in your mind, let it be known. She let you know that she didn't like giving oral so let her know how much it means to you. Think about this also, you got a bad reaction from her about being more active during sex instead of her being understanding and receptive to new ideas, what's going to happen when you're further into the relationship?

Sex is very important. Almost everyone likes sex but there is a faction of us who are true bonafide freaks. It's my outlet, a time for me to let loose & unwind. If it turns the person I'm with on, it turns me on. I feed off the energy/vibe of the other person during sex & if you have an awesome connection and is it's coming from a place of honesty, both of you are going to want to please each other. Now lots of people have sexual trauma, sexual hangups, they just want to be in one position, have an orgasm & be done. It's up to you to decide if you can abide with that.

Recently a friend came over to have "sex", basically she just wanted an orgasm. She laid on the bed and opened her legs but the way she did it was so mechanical & cold that I pulled her bra back on and said i wasn't going to do it. She told me she had some hangups about her body, didn't feel sexy, had twins a year ago etc. I told her that I needed her to be present and we'd do it some other time when she was feeling sexy and really horny. I'd rather have one session of awesome fucking than mediocre/boring sex three times a week.

If you're a freak you need to be with a freak anything less will be hard to satisfy you.
 

giga

Member
Just depends on the girl. I hit it off with a a girl from Pof a while back. We hit it off rather well and I assumed after a few weeks of dating that we were doing something exclusive, even though she wasn't ready for a relationship. She ended up informing me she was seeing another guy and taking it slow with him too...
Ouch. How did that end up?

If sex is very important to you & a blowjob is integral to sex in your mind, let it be known. She let you know that she didn't like giving oral so let her know how much it means to you. Think about this also, you got a bad reaction from her about being more active during sex instead of her being understanding and receptive to new ideas, what's going to happen when you're further into the relationship?

Sex is very important. Almost everyone likes sex but there is a faction of us who are true bonafide freaks. It's my outlet, a time for me to let loose & unwind. If it turns the person I'm with on, it turns me on. I feed off the energy/vibe of the other person during sex & if you have an awesome connection and is it's coming from a place of honesty, both of you are going to want to please each other. Now lots of people have sexual trauma, sexual hangups, they just want to be in one position, have an orgasm & be done. It's up to you to decide if you can abide with that.

Recently a friend came over to have "sex", basically she just wanted an orgasm. She laid on the bed and opened her legs but the way she did it was so mechanical & cold that I pulled her bra back on and said i wasn't going to do it. She told me she had some hangups about her body, didn't feel sexy, had twins a year ago etc. I told her that I needed her to be present and we'd do it some other time when she was feeling sexy and really horny. I'd rather have one session of awesome fucking than mediocre/boring sex three times a week.

If you're a freak you need to be with a freak anything less will be hard to satisfy you.
Sexual chemistry is extremely important for me. I'm by no means a "freak" in bed, but I do like some variety. Something as simple as a blowjob is very tame, so that's why I'm pretty disappointed. I'm hoping this is just her being uncomfortable and inexperienced and that she will open up with time. But if it doesn't, I'd probably have to end this as it just isn't as good as previous relationships.
 

Gamerloid

Member
Darn it, my shyness kicked in and I was powerless to progress. Part of that was because I was worried about my exams today, but still, she was right in front of me... I hope she's in lab tomorrow, I need to redeem myself. I will beat the shyness that has plagued my childhood.
Seriously, why is it that 8 months after breaking up a 4 year relationship that was really ‘’done’’ I feel heartbroken when I notice that my ex has a new lover?

I’m 36 years old damnit, this shouldn’t hurt me at all, I mean she has every right to do whatever the fuck she wants, but the idea of some other guy with her now, sigh….

I now deleted her from every social media I had her on cause I really can’t seem to take it at this moment, while I feel like I would be ‘’a man’’ if I could be just happy for her or something…

This is all in biology, but I'm not a master at the material so I rather not try to explain it in fear that I'll give false information. Perhaps if I re-read the chapter again I can return with an explanation, but I don't see that happening since I have too much to work on in my current classes to re-learn past ones.
 
What is Dating-GAF's thoughts on match %/common interests?

I think the meat and potatoes should be mostly 1:1 in terms of your core interests and philosophies and then the salad and desert can be the wild card/variety pieces.

I'm hungry. Don't judge my food metaphors.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the right balance of being the same and being different lately.
 

Gamerloid

Member
Here I go, trying to help out when I have no personal experiences
Guys, how do you know it's time to end things? Lately I've been wondering if I'm with the right girl.

First off, what are the concerns with her going forward? Can be it be worked out by having a talk with her?
 
Uh, reactivated my OKC profile, got messaged by a ridiculously attractive woman and she asked me to tell her about myself and now I'm at a loss... The heck do I do? There's nothing to tell. :(
 
What is Dating-GAF's thoughts on match %/common interests?

I think the meat and potatoes should be mostly 1:1 in terms of your core interests and philosophies and then the salad and desert can be the wild card/variety pieces.

I'm hungry. Don't judge my food metaphors.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the right balance of being the same and being different lately.

As with people themselves, you will never find a predictive formula (and if you do, you should patent it immediately and become super-rich/erase all traces of it). Believing that you do have some sort of formula will only put you off from people that work perfectly with you in a relationship.
 
Uh, reactivated my OKC profile, got messaged by a ridiculously attractive woman and she asked me to tell her about myself and now I'm at a loss... The heck do I do? There's nothing to tell. :(

Tell her about something you did that was fun recently and your observations about it. Make sure it was a social experience, whatever it was. Even if it was just you people watching at a bar or whatever.
 
Uh, reactivated my OKC profile, got messaged by a ridiculously attractive woman and she asked me to tell her about myself and now I'm at a loss... The heck do I do? There's nothing to tell. :(

I'm sure that there's plenty to tell. You have over a decade of material. I imagine that your own personal demons are serving as mental blocks. Any bit of success leads you to think about how the next step will go worse. You've been messaged by a woman that you find attractive - that's great. Now all you need to do is tell her about yourself here are some easy categories:

Where you were born/raised, where you went to school, why you decided to go to the college you went to (where did your friends go), what you studied in college (and why you studied it), what you do in your free time (even video games is fine, provided you phrase it correctly), etc.

Everything in that list can be accentuated by how you felt about it, too. You don't need to answer them all at once, and that list isn't even exhaustive. Just make it natural, and don't treat this like the only message you'll get in your life. Good luck~
 
Seriously, why is it that 8 months after breaking up a 4 year relationship that was really ‘’done’’ I feel heartbroken when I notice that my ex has a new lover?

I’m 36 years old damnit, this shouldn’t hurt me at all, I mean she has every right to do whatever the fuck she wants, but the idea of some other guy with her now, sigh….

I now deleted her from every social media I had her on cause I really can’t seem to take it at this moment, while I feel like I would be ‘’a man’’ if I could be just happy for her or something…

This is normal. I'm going through similar experiences - I just ended a 5 year relationship at age 37.

It takes time to stop associating your ex with "mate" in your brain. Part of that is territorial alpha male shit that's not really rational and you can't beat yourself up over it. We're naturally sexually competitive animals and when we see another male encroaching on our coital turf we instinctively get violent. Damn near every animal (humans included) does this.

My suggestion is to just shut yourself off from her completely for a while and work on yourself. Physically, mentally and spiritually. This will get your brain off the issue and help you move forward with what's important.
 

Pat

Member
Seriously, why is it that 8 months after breaking up a 4 year relationship that was really ‘’done’’ I feel heartbroken when I notice that my ex has a new lover?

I’m 36 years old damnit, this shouldn’t hurt me at all, I mean she has every right to do whatever the fuck she wants, but the idea of some other guy with her now, sigh….

I now deleted her from every social media I had her on cause I really can’t seem to take it at this moment, while I feel like I would be ‘’a man’’ if I could be just happy for her or something…

8 months is short and your reactions are totally normals. You did the right thing by blocking her from every social media by the way.

One of my ex got a new boyfriend two weeks after she broke up (3 years relationship). I really loved her and it took almost two years to move on. It's been 4 years and I still have her blocked on FB. And it's fine like that.
 

strata8

Member
How appropriate is it to introduce yourself to someone at a place like the pool?

I've started swimming 5 days a week at the local pool, and while I'm not there to meet people I've noticed these two girls who swim together around the same time I'm there. Not sure if they're friends or sisters or whatever, but they're around my age.

Anyway, I want to talk to them but is it the right place for it? I certainly don't go in expecting to talk to strangers and I don't see many other people doing it either. Logically I can't see anything wrong with it but I'm still unsure.
 
I think my "she wants the D" meter is broken, my friends even asked if I was playing hard to get, after seeing some girls hitting on me and I just rejected them.

I, however, think that they weren't trying to hit on me, they were just acting nice or stuff like that. When I was younger I used to interpret girls being nice the wrong way, so maybe that's why today I try not to make the same mistakes again.

There is one girl right now that my friends keep telling me that she maybe likes me, but I just think that she is being polite. She does get kinda angry (flustered? can't find the exact word right now) when she's nearby and hears me talking about my nightlife, I think. She starts being sarcastic for no reason.
 
So ask her out?

Don't know if this is to me, but:

The problem is, I don't know if she has a boyfriend. I know she had one, but right now I do not know the current status. We see each other almost everyday, but she is really tight on talking about relationships. And I think that asking if she has a boyfriend might burn the friendship down. Another thing that I don't want to is for her to think that I misunderstood her just being nice.

EDIT: She recently asked me to come with her to a party. I did, but in the end she only invited me and not our mutual friends. That made my male friends say to me "see? see?", but in the end she said she didn't invite anyone else because it was too close to the party and she couldn't reach anybody else. My friends told me it was bullshit, but I trust her.
 

Nyx

Member
Thanks for all the advice people!

Had a good talk about it last night with my sister as well and after a good night’s sleep I feel good again.
My friends actually never understood why I wanted to keep in touch with her after the break-up but my ex and me, at the time, really wanted to stay friends. But to be honest that never happened, we chatted sometimes through social media or WhatsApp or whatever but it was always very shallow talk.
There hasn’t come a single positive thing from keeping in contact, it only hurt me from time to time so I guess my friends were right and it was never a good idea in the first place.

Also, someone said that when you’re not dating yourself seeing an ex find a new lover hurts extra and I think that’s true as well. I really need to step into the dating-game again even though I need to step out of my comfortzone again, but that’s a whole other story. ;)
 

Aad

Member
So this evening I was out drinking with some classmates. Everyone finished drinking and this girl that I get on with well said to me let's continue drinking. I ask her where she wants to drink as it's cold outside, she says "lets go to your room. So we go to the supermarket and buy a bottle of wine. Upon reaching the entrance to my place she tells me she needs to go see some friends and she'll be back.

She never came back. Like what the fuck, I've drank the whole bottle to myself. This is a girl that has slept with me in the same bed. Everyone I've met has told me she likes me. I've never liked her but recently the feelings have grown.

What does this MEAN?!
 
So this evening I was out drinking with some classmates. Everyone finished drinking and this girl that I get on with well said to me let's continue drinking. I ask her where she wants to drink as it's cold outside, she says "lets go to your room. So we go to the supermarket and buy a bottle of wine. Upon reaching the entrance to my place she tells me she needs to go see some friends and she'll be back.

She never came back. Like what the fuck, I've drank the whole bottle to myself. This is a girl that has slept with me in the same bed. Everyone I've met has told me she likes me. I've never liked her but recently the feelings have grown.

What does this MEAN?!

It happened to me a couple of months ago, a girl came to me, we stayed all night talking, chatting, dancing and stuff. We traded numbers and Facebook, and she said that she would like to meet later. On Facebook she again told me that she would like to meet later, and I said "Sure, just say the when and the where and I'll be there". After a while she just disappeared, no more messages, no explanation, just gone. I didn't contact her afterwards because I didn't want to appear "needy", so I let it go.

EDIT: Your story also remembers me of an indie game called "Dinner Date".
 

Reave

Member
So this evening I was out drinking with some classmates. Everyone finished drinking and this girl that I get on with well said to me let's continue drinking. I ask her where she wants to drink as it's cold outside, she says "lets go to your room. So we go to the supermarket and buy a bottle of wine. Upon reaching the entrance to my place she tells me she needs to go see some friends and she'll be back.

She never came back. Like what the fuck, I've drank the whole bottle to myself. This is a girl that has slept with me in the same bed. Everyone I've met has told me she likes me. I've never liked her but recently the feelings have grown.

What does this MEAN?!

It sounds like it could be a traditional case of cold feet on her part. She was probably in the mood to have sex with you, but I'm guessing she snapped out of it because she liked you and didn't want to give you the impression that she was easy. Now she might be embarrassed about it, so what I would do is give it a few days and try to see if she wants to meet up for a simple little outing one of these days (coffee, dinner, etc.) and not make any mention of that night.

If she says yes, then you're good. If not, move on and forget about it because she's in her own head too much with how she came off that night. Either way, it's worth a try if you're developing feelings for her as you mentioned. I could be wrong, but that's just my two cents.
 
Trying to sum this whole thing up briefly, this is my first year living at college (commuted first two years). My friend's friend hangs at our apartment a lot. I thought "she's really cute, but it probably won't happen", so I was just focused on being friends with her. Beginning of October, my friend tells me she likes me but is too nervous to tell me. Next time I see her, I ask her on a date, she says yes. We try planning something for like two weeks, then she says she feels like now isn't a good time for her to start a relationship. I tell her I understand completely, I'm not mad, etc. I thought this was the end of it and she just didn't want to tell me she's not interested, but my friend insisted that she does still like me, she's just been stressed with a few school related things recently.

Skipping forward about two weeks to Halloween, we're all planning to go to this party my school is having. While we're getting ready, I notice she's a bit more flirty than normal. We leave the apartments to go to the party, and she wraps her arm around mine, so we walk into this thing arm in arm. We hang out at it most of the time, then as we're talking about leaving, she says "I just wanna go watch a movie and cuddle". So we leave and watch a movie at our other friend's apartment because one of my roommates wasn't feeling well. Yesterday she was still a bit flirty when we hung out again.

Should I just ask her what's happening? She can be kind of hard to read sometimes, so I don't want to outright ask her on a date again because if somehow I'm wrong, it might make her uncomfortable.
 

Granadier

Is currently on Stage 1: Denial regarding the service game future
Don't know if this is to me, but:

The problem is, I don't know if she has a boyfriend. I know she had one, but right now I do not know the current status. We see each other almost everyday, but she is really tight on talking about relationships. And I think that asking if she has a boyfriend might burn the friendship down. Another thing that I don't want to is for her to think that I misunderstood her just being nice.

EDIT: She recently asked me to come with her to a party. I did, but in the end she only invited me and not our mutual friends. That made my male friends say to me "see? see?", but in the end she said she didn't invite anyone else because it was too close to the party and she couldn't reach anybody else. My friends told me it was bullshit, but I trust her.

She's trying to spend time with you man. You should just bring it up at some point and see if your intentions are right.
 
She's trying to spend time with you man. You should just bring it up at some point and see if your intentions are right.

I thought about doing that, and I plan to do it before the end of this year, because after that we will be going to different places. But I don't really know if I'm ready to get attached again, my last experiences were terrible, and even though I feel empty and vain going out just to get some girls, then coming back home and never seeing them again, at least I'm not getting hurt.
 

War Peaceman

You're a big guy.
Quick question mateys.

I met a girl whilst working in a customer-service-ish role (assisting new students). We chatted a few times over a few days. I added her on facebook and have seen her here and there since.

Circumstances have changed since then and I'd quite like to ask her on a date. Should I just talk to her over facebook or would it be better to try and bump into her again and make conversation? I have never communicated with her over facebook, so I just wondered what the consensus was because I don't want to be a creep or overstep boundaries.
 
Quick question mateys.

I met a girl whilst working in a customer-service-ish role (assisting new students). We chatted a few times over a few days. I added her on facebook and have seen her here and there since.

Circumstances have changed since then and I'd quite like to ask her on a date. Should I just talk to her over facebook or would it be better to try and bump into her again and make conversation? I have never communicated with her over facebook, so I just wondered what the consensus was because I don't want to be a creep or overstep boundaries.

I find it easier to say no to somebody via the internet, but I'm not a girl so that might skew the results.
 

Coda

Member
Quick question mateys.

I met a girl whilst working in a customer-service-ish role (assisting new students). We chatted a few times over a few days. I added her on facebook and have seen her here and there since.

Circumstances have changed since then and I'd quite like to ask her on a date. Should I just talk to her over facebook or would it be better to try and bump into her again and make conversation? I have never communicated with her over facebook, so I just wondered what the consensus was because I don't want to be a creep or overstep boundaries.

It's totally possible either way, it's all how you approach the situation, which is basically acting like there's no situation; just a friendly gesture, reaching out a hand if you will.

I'd say in person is more personable though, there may be rejection which hurts but at least you tried. Never know until you just try.
 
So there's a girl in the coffee shop I visit to grab breakfast every morning before work. Cute gal and all. Somehow she almost ends up serving me and so now she's remembered my regular order and started striking up conversation.

Keen to talk to her more in a setting not quite as impersonal as at the counter while I pay for my croissant and freshly squeezed orange juice lol. She intrigues me and while you could argue she's just doing her job, I'm thinking, why the hell not. What do, GAF?
 

Artofwar420

Member
Here I go, trying to help out when I have no personal experiences


First off, what are the concerns with her going forward? Can be it be worked out by having a talk with her?

My concerns are the following:


  • She withdraws when feeling down. Hard to talk; we did discuss this and she wants to improve.

  • Now I'm trying to decide if I'm willing to stick with someone who seems to be a slave to their job/suck at long distance.

    Note: I hinted that I would always be there for her even as friends and she broke down saying she couldn't imagine that. So.... I like her, she likes me, but she sucks at LD which gives me mixed signals. What do?
 
I'm 33 years old and I rarely ever date. Like maybe once every 3-4 years and it's usually just a couple times because I get bored. If a woman doesn't have an infectious personality that can make me laugh and smile I just have no interest. And as I get older it seems harder and harder to find women like that. It doesn't help that I dont go out anymore and have never bothered trying online dating. To be honest I feel perfectly fine being single... Or so I thought.

Recently I started a new job and met a girl. We hit it off immediately and within a couple weeks we were damn near inseparable at work. The boss has threatened to separate us several times because we're always laughing. We have started texting and talking on the phone and it's amazing how much happier I feel when I'm talking to her. Her personality makes me feel like a completely different person. But there's a catch, she just turned 19.

For some reason I just cannot get past her age. I dont know if it's just the social stigma of dating someone so young or what, but for some reason it really really bothers me. I know for most people they would simply make a decision one way or the other and move on. But for someone who has such a hard time meeting women, I really don't know what to do.
 
I've been on two dates with a girl I met on OkCupid. We made out a little bit at the end of both dates, so it seems to be going well. Today I text her for a date and say I'll pick her up at her house. She responds saying, "I'm happy to meet you somewhere. Just let me know where to be!"

Is that a bad sign? She does live with her parents, so that could play into it. But I still feel like it's a bad sign that she didn't want me to pick her up at home.




I'm 33 years old and I rarely ever date. Like maybe once every 3-4 years and it's usually just a couple times because I get bored. If a woman doesn't have an infectious personality that can make me laugh and smile I just have no interest.

Well, some of what you said is pure BS. But, you should go for it with this girl. At least it will give you practice dating. Also, stop chatting and texting so much. Only use the phone for setting dates.


So there's a girl in the coffee shop I visit to grab breakfast every morning before work. Cute gal and all. Somehow she almost ends up serving me and so now she's remembered my regular order and started striking up conversation.

Keen to talk to her more in a setting not quite as impersonal as at the counter while I pay for my croissant and freshly squeezed orange juice lol. She intrigues me and while you could argue she's just doing her job, I'm thinking, why the hell not. What do, GAF?

Always go for it. You don't want to regret anything, and there's always other coffee shops to go to if it doesn't work out.
 

beat

Member
I'm 33 years old and I rarely ever date. Like maybe once every 3-4 years and it's usually just a couple times because I get bored. If a woman doesn't have an infectious personality that can make me laugh and smile I just have no interest. And as I get older it seems harder and harder to find women like that. It doesn't help that I dont go out anymore and have never bothered trying online dating.
You don't meet women that interest you because (1) you barely meet anyone period and (2) it takes time to find out that someone is awesome, and you're probably prematurely giving up on people you meet anyways.

That's not to say everyone is awesome, but you will practically never find someone with the dual tactics of not looking for them and pre-emptively rejecting anyone you do meet ASAP.

Recently I started a new job and met a girl. We hit it off immediately and within a couple weeks we were damn near inseparable at work. The boss has threatened to separate us several times because we're always laughing. We have started texting and talking on the phone and it's amazing how much happier I feel when I'm talking to her. Her personality makes me feel like a completely different person. But there's a catch, she just turned 19.
I mean, look at this. You first met this girl because you had to, because it was for work. So put yourself in more situations where you'll meet new people, and then give them a chance.

That said, to me it sounds like you want someone to talk you into asking her out, not to talk you out of it, so... might as well give it a try.
 

Granadier

Is currently on Stage 1: Denial regarding the service game future
Workplace relations with a 19 year old just seems like a bad combination in my opinion.

But if you feel it's right, go for it.
 
How do I recognize flirting from a girl and differentiate it from friendliness? Open ended question I know, but what are some clues I can use?
 
How do I recognize flirting from a girl and differentiate it from friendliness? Open ended question I know, but what are some clues I can use?

Teasing you, complimenting you, physical contact, talking about anything remotely sexual. Not hard and fast rules but that's the sort of shit I do.
 
Not a solid rule though. Some girls are just physically friendly that it's easy to mistake as flirting. Learned it from experience.
 
Does bringing you something to work on and resting, arms folded and smiling, on the back of your chair while you work sound like flirting or just friendliness? I'm guessing there are in-betweens too.

I am mostly blind to these sort of things -_- have been for years. I have started to pick up a little but I still can not really tell what something is. I feel so confused at times...
 

Granadier

Is currently on Stage 1: Denial regarding the service game future
Not a solid rule though. Some girls are just physically friendly that it's easy to mistake as flirting. Learned it from experience.

Some girls can sit and talk about overtly-sexual things with you in a flirty way, but don't want you to act on it as well. Speaking from experience.

Does bringing you something to work on and resting, arms folded and smiling, on the back of your chair while you work sound like flirting or just friendliness? I'm guessing there are in-betweens too.

I am mostly blind to these sort of things -_- have been for years. I have started to pick up a little but I still can not really tell what something is. I feel so confused at times...

This seems like flirting to me. You should reciprocate and see how she reacts.
 
Sometimes in clubs I need to react to these hints faster, I've lost a couple of girls already because I kept thinking "is she dancing closer to me or I'm just imagining things?", and yes, she was trying to hit on me.
 

y2dvd

Member
So had a talk today with the girl I've been seeing for a while and we became exclusive. She brought it up and I don't have any problem with this. I'm enjoying her company tremendously, she has all the qualities I look in a girl. Can't get her out of my head and things have gone so well so far. Haven't felt this way about a girl in a long time, such a great feeling.

Congrats! I want to get to this point. Been seeing this girl for near two months now, but we've only been on a few dates due to scheduling conflicts. It's been great whenever we go out though. It still feels too early to say we're exclusive but hopefully I can say that we are after a few more dates.

I've been on two dates with a girl I met on OkCupid. We made out a little bit at the end of both dates, so it seems to be going well. Today I text her for a date and say I'll pick her up at her house. She responds saying, "I'm happy to meet you somewhere. Just let me know where to be!"

Is that a bad sign? She does live with her parents, so that could play into it. But I still feel like it's a bad sign that she didn't want me to pick her up at home.

I don't think there's anything to it. She may still feel like it's too early into dating to have you pick her up. I don't even bother asking on the first date if they need to be picked up. I just expect they want to meet at a spot. Maybe she doesn't want her parents know she's dating? lol
 

stn

Member
How do I recognize flirting from a girl and differentiate it from friendliness? Open ended question I know, but what are some clues I can use?
Let's say she's rubbing your shoulder or something like that. Just say in a joking voice, "Are you flirting with me?" Try to make fun of it more than analyze it. If she likes you, she'll pick up immediately and think you're a fun guy. If not, she hopefully has the sense of humor to respond to the joke.
 

Samara

Member
How do I recognize flirting from a girl and differentiate it from friendliness? Open ended question I know, but what are some clues I can use?

Tilt of the head, coy smile, touching herself/you, leaning in your face should give you a hint.

not the obvious twirl the hair/nail in the mouth
 
This seems like flirting to me. You should reciprocate and see how she reacts.

To clarify the situation (from a few pages back):

http://m.neogaf.com/showpost.php?p=136480633

I can not reciprocate, unfortunately. I am just trying to figure out this situation I found myself in. She has done similar things (and some of the general signs like holding my arm) before, which lead to me almost asking her out. I wish had now, in retrospect; it would have helped me get over this.
 

War Peaceman

You're a big guy.
I find it easier to say no to somebody via the internet, but I'm not a girl so that might skew the results.

It's totally possible either way, it's all how you approach the situation, which is basically acting like there's no situation; just a friendly gesture, reaching out a hand if you will.

I'd say in person is more personable though, there may be rejection which hurts but at least you tried. Never know until you just try.

Thanks.

I'll see if I bump into her, if not, just strike up some casual conversation. Just want to avoid being creepy!
 
I'm actually having some moderate success talking to this woman and I think I'd like to ask her out for something this weekend, which would mean dropping the question today, but I normally don't date or go out at all and I kind of can't really think of any suggestions on what to do or where to go. D:

Off-topic: I also woke up not-depressed today. This is weird. Is this what it feels like for you people all the time?
 

gazele

Banned
My concerns are the following:


  • She withdraws when feeling down. Hard to talk; we did discuss this and she wants to improve.

  • Now I'm trying to decide if I'm willing to stick with someone who seems to be a slave to their job/suck at long distance.

    Note: I hinted that I would always be there for her even as friends and she broke down saying she couldn't imagine that. So.... I like her, she likes me, but she sucks at LD which gives me mixed signals. What do?

Having been in a very similar situation with an ex its tough

Withdrawing when feeling down isn't great, because especially when doing LD communication is the most important thing, but you have to decide how much you want it and if there's an end date to the LD, thats important

So is there any married-GAF in here?

I'm 26 and have been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years, all my friends and her friends are starting to get married and I'm starting to think about it I guess and I know she has

How do you know you're ready to get married? Or that you're girlfriend is the right one?

I've been going back and forth a lot in the last year or so, wondering what others went through in that stage
 
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