Don't really post a lot in this thread, though I lurk, so this might be a pretty personal story out of the blue, but I'm just looking for some help, a bit of insight and will probably get some judgement, which is be completely deserved. Coming up is a (probably) pretty long post about how I've ran into the boundaries of my own principles. I just want to write it down and get it off of my chest.
A couple pages ago I posted about a girl at my gym, she sat next to me at the bar twice, and we pretty much hit it of. I add her on facebook, ask her out, and she says she has a boyfriend. Whenever someone here writes something like this the first thing that goes through my mind is: "abort abort abort." Which is also what went though my mind. And even though the facebook conversation was pretty funny/interesting, I cut it of because she already has a relationship; and I really have one rule; don't break people up. There's plenty of fish in the sea and I don't want to be a selfish asshole who's responsible for other peoples misery. I just think to myself; well that was a nice conversation and move on. Like I've done a billion times before. No biggie.
So, two days later she sends me text via facebook. She knows I'm studying to become a sports psychologist, she mentions she's had a shitty day, it's about to rain, she doesn't feel like going to the gym, she knows she'll feel better when she's there, she needs an extra push, and she thought she'd ask her favorite sports psychologist (that would be me) to work his magic.
I was about to go to the gym myself, and in a pretty funny conversation I motivate her to go work out. We arrive at pretty much the same time, and the chemistry is so noticeable that one of the guys who works there comments on it. Again, I just think: damn, it's such a shame she's in a relationship, but whatever. When I get home I get a text thanking me for making her work out, and making her laugh after a crappy day at work. I respond, all the while feeling guilty towards her boyfriend.
Yesterday I went to a concert with a good female friend of mine. We talk about relationships a lot, and the girl from the gym comes up. She says I become really happy when talking about her and, I guess it's true. Though I don't really want to be.
My friend goes through all the arguments I've read here a billion times. "You're not responsible for other peoples happiness. You can't force her to leave her boyfriend, if she thinks you're a better fit she's free to chose whoever she wants. I don't care about some other guy being happy, I want you to be happy. That other guy doesn't own her."
Whenever I've read these arguments online I always thought they were just said or thought to appease the scumbags conscience. I still do. However, in this case I am the scumbag thinking those things myself, and I see some merit to them.
Of course, I can just cut of all contact with this girl. I've been on quite a few dates myself in the four years I was single. I'm perfectly happy being single with more than enough shit to do. And I don't want to be one of those sappy one-itis guys who puts someone on a pedestal and pines for them all day long. I've got better things to do.
Though I don't really want it to, the next part is gonna feel pretty pedestal and one-itis like. In those four years I've come to the conclusion I'm really...picky. For some reason I just don't have a lot of chemistry with people, and it's not something I can fake. And I figured out I really like intelligent people. And sportive types. And my sense of humor definitely isn't for everyone. In those four years nobody's held my interest for more than three dates. Which kind of made me doubt if I was ever gonna find someone who would be interesting for longer than that.
Of course, meeting someone who can make me feel entertained for quite awhile kind of puts my doubts to rest, so that's a plus already. But this girl so far has literally EVERYTHING I like in a woman. And despite all the fish in the sea, so far that's only happened to me once. Back then I made the decision to not be responsible for some people breaking up, but seeing the film of their proposal kind of made me regret it, though I really like THAT guy.
Now, as I'm typing this she's sending me her favorite song via facebook text, and we're setting up a day when she can lend me her favorite book for me to read.
So...what do I do? Go along with it, and feel guilty? Go along with it, and just enjoy it for what it is? Go along with it, enjoy it for what it is, and hope it turns into something more? (I sound like an asshole). Or just break all contact, continue on with my life, and hope I meet someone equally awesome, but without a boyfriend? Which could be tomorrow, in three years, or never.
I realize this is a big wall of text, that I sound like an asshole for entertaining certain thoughts, and that this might come out of the blue since I don't really post lot here. But I hope some people might have some perspective, and I wanted to type it out.